Doug Collins

@ get this straight @

IF YOU sce a chap flying down the road with a cloud of
angry hornets chasing him, it’s me, Doug, the People’s
Friend. Half of the hornets are chiropractors. The rest
belong to the B.C. Lifeboat Society.

About the chiropractors. In
two brilliant columns, I tried to
be kind to them, But they sneaki-
ly took to writing hot letters to
the editor while I was away help-
ing to settle. the problems of
South Africa.

The chiros think i should have
stayed there. Indeed, they would
not have been upset if the Zulus
had tied me to an anthill and
smeared the old bod with honey,
so as to make it more attractive
as an entree.

One fetter bore the headline:
“A Cure for Rednecks Coming
Up, Doug,’’ and was signed by
John A.M. Taylor of the
Chiropractic Examining Board.
Well, I'm glad to hear that they
have an examining board. As you
may remember, I was pulled and
pushed into a helpless heap and
got relief only when Grey Eyes
put my pitiful torso on a litter
and conveyed it over to Rich-
mond, where Dr. Michael Liv-
ingston (‘‘family medicine with
special interest in back pro-
blems’’) returned me to an am-
bulatory state.

We won't go into all that
again, Contrary to chiropractic
opinion, I have nothing against
bone-bashers per se, they having
sometimes helped me to
straighten up. Not only that, but
it’s up to everyone to find his

own guru, even if it be a wit-
ch-doctor, several of whom were
busy in Durban when I was there.

Mr. Taylor hewed to the view
that Dr. Collins’ stuff was not up
to snuff, ! having stated that real
medics have enough troubles
already, without letting chiro-
practors wander around Lions’
Gate Hospital to dispense their
magic. I had also quoted ‘‘uns-
cientific’’ sources to show, sap-
headedly, that not all chiroprac-
tors are genuine medicine men.

The columns, Mr. Taylor
declared scientifically, were ‘‘fur-
ther evidence that Doig. Collins
deserves his reputation as a
redneck journalist ..."°. And I
particularly enjoyed the Taylor
punchline, he asseverating that
by the time I enter the 20th cen-
tury ‘‘chiropractic research will
have discovered a cure for
rednecks’’.

Let’s hope so. Because until I
went to Dr. Livingston, this here
redneck was suffering something
terrible.

*. * *

Moving right along, we* come
to the B.C. Lifeboat Society,
some of whose members say that
lam astinker for having put ina
word for Mr. Phil Matty of the
Canadian Lifeboat Institution,
whose good ship ‘‘Donzi’’ is be-

ing evicted from its West Van
Yacht Club berth.

They seem to think | have it in
for the BCLS. Which I don't, not
having heard of it before repor-
ting Mr. Matty’s statement that
the Society has a Boston whaler
at the club that can’t put out in
all weathers, even though it has
done good work. (A fact con-
firmed by the BCLS letter to ye
old ed on Wednesday.)

A Mr. W. Say of West Van
wrote me, too, to record his rea-
sonable objections. The wretch
Collins, he said, is incompetent,
has been sucked in and peddles
“‘misrepresentations, innuendoes
and lies’’. In the past, he thought
| wasn’t too bad. But our tittle
friendship is now at an end.

Mr. Say says that Mr. Matty is
interested only in having a free
berth, and that his lifeboat work
is a phoney. Perhaps. All I know
is that Captain P.M.H. Golden,
top gun of the Western Coast
Guard’s Search and Rescue
squad, wrote to the yacht club
Oct. 31 stating that Phil has been
of great help to him and to local
mariners, and would the club
please let him keep his berth.

‘Love ye one another,’’ saith
the Lord. He must have had life-
boaters in mind. Were there some
on the Sea of Galilee?

I blame the publisher of this
newspaper for getting me into
this trouble. After my series on
South Africa, he hinted he would
like some local stuff.

My next six columns will be on
Tibet.

9 - Sunday, November 30, 1986 - North Shore News

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