a4
eh.
Bas nt

s 6 (Cd

In the southern region of
West Germany, the alpine
area around Munich, only a
few minutes ‘lying time from
the Alps, women reported
they had sex, on the average,
every two days.
In the north, towards Ham-
. burg, women told pollsters
L4 they only had sex every fourth
. day. Can you imagine that!
The poll didn*t actually say
that sex was BETTER near the
: Alps. It just showed that it
ws happened more often. But the
a implication is pretty clear,
, isn’t it? | would assume.

I didn’t see the wording of
the poll, and since it was in
German, wouldn’t have
understood it anyway. So it
might have not been worded
properly. Maybe it's more a
commentary on Bavarian
women, or men, or both.
Well, obviously, both. The
Alps may be just a
coincidence.

But I’m willing to bet
they're not.

Those of us living on the
a north side of Burrard Iniet, at
4 the foot of the mighty Coast
me Range, are living in an area
wo every bit as mountainous as

iN the Alps. We'd be famous too,

_ except nobody ever made a

_ movie called The Sound of
Music here.

But | got to thinking. So did
you, you sly devil, but you
hadn't admitted it, had you?
If being near the Alps boosts
your chances cf having sex,
how about living near Grouse
or Hollyburn or Seymour?

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strictly personal

by Bob Hunter

guess the hottest news of the summer, at least
for people on the North Shore, is the study in
West Germany which indicates that the closer
you get to the Alps, the better sex is.

To follow this thought any
further would of course re-
quire me to hire a pollster and
bother maybe a thousand
women on the North Shore. I
can’t afford it, frankly. And
if the North Shore News
undertook such a poll, you
can imagine the Mak. It's bad
enough, what with Doug and
the Sunshine Person...

Talso have to admit 1 don't
know why the West German
pollsters chose to interview
women only. Don't they trust
men? Do we brag and lie and
boast and exaggerate? Is that
it?

Yeh, I'd ask women too.
Forget getting the straight
goods out of a male.

So let us contemplate the
epochal significance of these
findings, as if they were true,
since they probably are.

The questicn therefore is:
How often do people have sex
in Richmond? Or do they at
all? They must, of course. But
how does it compare to us
lucky sex fiends living on the
slopes of Canada’s answer to
the Alps?

Next question: What about
people in Burnaby? There are
some little hills there, of
course. | wonder . . . but no,
that’s impolite.

The issue of the frequency
of sex among consenting
adults in the Vancouver area,
which is essentially a quite flat
peninsula, is complicated by
the hooker factor, where the
hourly rate is artificially
stimulated, so to speak.

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sex reaches new heights

Then again, there are places
like Delta and Surrey and that
whole region spilling down the
Fraser Valley to Hope. Is it
called Hope, one muses,
because it, too, lies at the foot
of awesome mountains?

The scientific method
spurns anecdote, of course. So
it’s not much use me gossip-
ing about people I know who
do it X amount of times per
week or day or hour, for that
matter. Besides, nobody ac-
tually ever tells me. They'd be
crazy to.

But my guess would be that
most people on the North
Shore have an almost
Bavarian glow to their cheeks,
which up until now | at-
tributed to excess rain, hot
tubs, salt air and a secret fear
of the Lion’s Gate Bridge. The
florid Rococe style of interior
decoration, all nymphs and
nubile maidens and ridiculous-
ly posturing males, found its
brightest Nowering in Bavaria,
remember.

Are we to believe now it was

just some kind of magnetic in-
fluence from the nearby
mountains, activating hor-
mones? Come to think of it,
that's right, people in Van-
couver talk politics. People on
the North Shore tend more to
grin from ear to car. There's
some kind of truth buried
here, folks. I'm sure of it.

Go ahead, ask your friends
on the flatlands. How often?
Then tell them about YOU.
You rogue!

Ronald J. Schmidt||
Barrister

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North Shore People

Forty-five years ago King George Way's BIH and Marie
Harrison were married in Victoria and came to the
Hotei Vancouver for their . They well recall
the excitement of checking into the renowned hotel and
going up to the posh Panorama Roof to dane the night
away. Friday they retinned to the Roof to recapture the
enchantment of that memorable time. Torontos Moxie
Whitney, whose contract has been extended again, this
time to duly 13, was on the bandstand playing his sweetly-
nostalgic tunes that have made hima favorite across the
country. Sitting nearby was Vancouver's Mr. Music, Dal
Richards, who takes up his baton to lead the orchestra
duly 19 after a 20-year absence, and who was waiting to
be introduced by Moxie. Richards, observing the glowing
lovebirds, asked if it was a special occasion and if theyd
Ike to hear a particular song. “Oh. yes! said Mrs. Harrison, .
‘It’s our 45th wedding anniversary and wed love to hear
the Anniversary Waltz. ! remember a young man
singing it here on our wedding night? “Great? said Dal,
‘Til get Moxie to play it for you right away” As Whitney's |
band smoothly glided into the ever-popular song, Richards

the startled Harrisons, he asked, “This happened 45 years §
ago” As they nodded, he announced triumphantly, 1 don't
beiieve it! Forty-five years ago Id just started my gig here
so that young man who sang the Anniversary Waltz to
you 45 years ago — was ine!” Turning to the bandstand, |
he asked, “How about as encore...

Send medi-cheer to West Van Mayor Derrick
Humpreys. Seems the hard-driving Mayor, back home fl
in England for a vacation for the first time in 25 years, §
tripped on a sidewalk a few days after his arrival and fell §
down heavily, cracking several ribs and breaking his arm.
His Worship is due back in mid-July — in one piece, we
hope... New host for CBC Radio's two-hour Almanac J
Show is Paul Grant The 37-year old with wife and year- J
old son is in from Regina to replace requiar host, Lucie &
McNeil, whos taking an extended leave in Europe. But
Grant's no stranger to the West Coast and particularly
the North Shore. He grew up as a teenager in the Point §
Atkinson Lighthouse where his dad was lighthouse
keeper... Blueridge’s vivacious Bergie Fryklind Wilson, §&
who was hired as Director of Sales for the prestigious
Mandarin Hotel when it was just a big hole in the
ground on Howe Street, is leaving the hotel business. She §
and new husband, Ted, are leaving Vancouver for
Carapbell River where Ted will manage. with an option
to buy into, Targa Motors. We wish them well.. New
manager of the Capilano Golf and Country Club §
is Greg Hartigan and one of his first ‘chores’ was to §
make dining arrangements for Remington Steel 's §
Stephanie Zimbalist, Knot's Landing’s Michelle
Lee and blonde sex symbol, Loni Anderson. The trio,
along with actor Ben Gazarra and Emerald Poiat's §
Charlie Frank, spent several days on the spectacular
golf course shooting scenes from the movie, a remake of §
the ‘50's flick with glamour girls Linda Darnell, @
Jeanne Crain and Ann Southern. The item is that &
in the new movie Ann plays Lonis mother.. The lady whos
helping Tory MP Mary Collins dress for success is
North Van's creative designer, Noelle Christie... §
CKNW's popular drive-home host, Rick Honey and §
new bride, Gail, have taken up residence in Mt. Seymour §
Parkway area... New manager for the International §
Plaza is 28-year old Gordon Chow of Toronto and &
VIP's Sutton Place Hotel. He takes over from hotelier §
John Hale who has been managing the Plaza for almost
seven years. Hale, who will continue to reside on the North
Shore, plans a holiday to Europe and the Orient before &
considering any job offers.. Good Joe of the Week Ff
award goes to Expo enthusiast and West Van resident,
Pat Thomas, president of West Coast Securities.
For everyone of his 85 employees who buys a $99 Expo
ticket, Thomas will give an additional $99 ticket — free!...
And finally, would you say that an opthamologist’s office
is a site for sore eyes?... Cheers!

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North Shore Real Estate
Market?

Call your Community
Specialists... Sussex
Realty

984-9711

jumped up and called out, ‘Hold the music!” Turning to