26 - Friday, May 14, 1993 ~ North Shore News

Teenagers should watch for assault warning signs

IT IS Friday night and you are getting ready to go out
with Brad, the most popular, most sought after guy in

school.

While doing your hair and put-
ting on your makeup you realize
that it is taking you much longer
and causing you much more
anguish than it has before.

Thinking that he will be more
impressed with you, you put on a
little more makeup and mayte
dress a little more seductively than
you would normally.

According to professionals, this
is the first red flag, a sign that
you are already feeling uncom-
fortable about the date. Feeling
excited and ‘vanting to look good
for a date is normal, but it is also
important to remember who you
are and what type of person you
want people to see you as.

It is important, as a woman, to
set your limits even before you go
out on a date and think about
how far you want things to go
sexually. This way you can avoid
any misunderstandings or wrongly
interpreted messages.

Even though your appearance
gives no one the OK to take ad-
vantage of you, they may read in-
to your new appearance as mean-
ing vou are ready to take ona
new experience.

At 7 p.m. the doorbell rings
and your mom calls to you that
Brad is waiting. As you take one
last look in the mirror and run
out the door, your mind is focus-
ed on how you should act in order
to impress him.

Are you really ready to go on
this date if you can’t just be
yourself?

Brad opens the car door for you
and tells you that you are looking

Sydney is 17 years old, and a
Grade !2 student at Crason
Graham secondary school. She
has hopes for a future in the film
industry.

nice. Things seem to be going well
from his side, but all you can
think of is what you should say in
order to avoid saying anything
stupid. After deciding finally on
an appropriate answer for one of
his questions, you have reached
your destination ... a house.

As Brad gets out of the car and
leads you into the house, he ex-
plains that his best friend’s dad
has gone away for the weekend
and left him ali alone.

The first test of your asser-
tiveness begins here, for you know
that it is a general family rule that
neither you nor your sister are to
go to other kids’ houses when
their parents are not at home. In-

stead of telling Brad this, you
smile and pretend everything is
cool as he leads you through the
crowd and onto the balcony,
where he grabs a beer from the
host.

Again, a bell goes off in your
head. You know better than to let
someone who is driving drink even
one beer, but the feeling of not
wanting to cause a problem in
front of all these popular kids
seems to override your better
judgment.

As the evening progresses, Brad
becomes more and more inebri-
ated and less and less respectful of
you. At one point during a slow
dance, he tries to put his hand up
your shirt. Akthough you don’t
like what he is doing, you decide
to go along with it because you
want to be accepted.

No one has the right to make
you feel uncomfortable. This
move by Brad seems pretty
presumptuous and should have
been saved for a later date. If his
actions don’t feel OK to you, it is
your job to make that known.

Be direct and sincere. It is con-
fusing for some guys if you say no
in a joking tone but let him con-
tine.

After a while, Brad notices that
something is wrong. Instead of
inquiring about it, he tells you to
“have a drink, It will loosen you
up.” You politely decline until his
persistence becomes loud enough
to attract attention from those
around.

“Come on! One drink isn’t go-
ing to kill you. Don’t you wanna
have a good time?’”’

One drink leads to another and
before you know it, things have
gone bad.

The West Varicouver S.P.C.A. wish to advise that there are large numbers
"of coyotes on the North Shore that are feeding on srnall pets,

particularly cats.

WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT ALL PET OWNERS |

KEEP THEIR PETS INDOORS AT LEAST FROM DUSK TO A
FEW HOURS AFTER DAWN since this is when the coyotes are
actively hunting food. (Recent daytime sightings have been reported also.)

The proper authorities are aware of this problem but because of
the numbers involved in the area, it is impossible to eliminate the danger.

Towards midnight you start (o
feel sick. You ask Brad where the
phone is so you can call a cab and
go home. He takes you by the
hand and leads up upstairs to the
master bedroom. As you dial the
number he begins to kiss your
neck and move his hands all over
your body.

Giggling nervously, you move
away from him.

Brad is persistent. He starts
whispering in your ear, telling you
that you are the prettiest, sexiest
girl he has ever seen.

You start to see a change in
Brad’s behavior. As vou resist, he
becomes angry The touch that had
felt gentle before, now feels
rough.

He starts swearing, calling you
a tease, telling you that he knows
you want him.

You look to see where the door
is, but it is too far away.

eee

it is a common misconception
that rape is committed bya
stranger, someone unknown to
you. The reality is that 84% of
rapists are known to their victims,
and only one in four are ever ~
reported.

Statistics show that most iapes

occur between 6 p.m. and mid-
night, the time around which Brad
raped his victim.

Abusers seem to possess the
sarne negative characteristics.
They control, anger easily, are
poor losers, and abuse drugs
and/or alcohol.

I’m not saying you should treat
every guy you go out with as a
rapist, but you must be aware that
it could happen and have some |
idea of ways in which you could
prevent yourself from becoming a
victim of this horrible crime.

As I said earlier, it is crucial
that you set your limits and com-
municate them. If you are uncom-
fortable with something he is do-
ing, or even saying, tell him, Ap-
pearances can be deceiving.

Victims of rape generaily have
one of three responses at the time
of the attack ... fight, flight or
freeze. It is important that you
realize that there is no wrong
reaction and that no victim of
rape is to be blamed for what has
happened to them.

Tell someone. Lettint is pass
will only give the rapist more
power and tempt him to do it

RAPES ARE sometimes committed when
girls are unable to stop their dates from fol-
lowing through on an attempted seduction.
Do you think this is a problem on the North
Shore? Do guys really listen to what their fj
dates want? Are girls firm enough about
telling guys when they have gone too far?

The use of poisons, baits or traps is strictly prohibited because of the high possibility that
neighbourhood pets or small children may be poisoned or injured. We therefore advise residents
not to take any action themselves against the coyotes, except keeping your pets indoors.

Don't be complacent ...

Sightings have been authenticated from Horseshoe Bay to Capi

also North & South.
Protect your small pets by keeping them indoors from Dusk to Dawn.

This ad has been paid for by the West
Vancouver Branch of the B.C. S.P.C.A. as part
of our continuing public service to the people
of the North Shore and for the protection of

animals.

lano River —