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And God sneezed

A golf course, someone once said, is the result
of God having a mouthful of spinach and
sneezing. As oné explanation for the. greening of

Just why -millions are
impelled, once the weather
starts warming up, to get out
into the spinach and take out

their frustrations and anger

on a helpless little white ball,
is not as easily explained.
There is a _ certain
mystique to it all that has
captured everyone who
plays or has played or tried
to play the game. No one has
been able to exactly define
it, but many have tried.
What follows is a random
collection of these efforts,
plus some general truisms

about a game where the ball -

often lies poorly and the
player constantly lies well.

At the start of the century,
Peter Finley Dunne, a golfer
and an author who wrote
under the name of Mr.
Dooley, fingered it as “a
game you play with your
worst enemy -- yourself.”

Long before Dunne’s time
Samuel Johnson, who didn’t
play golf but learned about
it, no doubt, from that
expatriate Scot, James
Boswell, concluded that “it
is a game in which you claim
the privileges of age and
the playthings of
childhood.”

Golf can be a voyage of
self-discovery, according to
Paul Gallico, who once
wrote: “if there's any larceny
in a man, golf will bring it
out.”

The sports editor of this
here paper, Andy Fraser,

. the landscape each spring, not bad.

goes along with that. “Itis an
activity,”” he claims,,.
“consisting mostly of
walking, with regular in-
tervals of disappointment
and bad arithmetic.”

A Gallico contemporary,
Wesbrook Pegler, . was
harsher. “The most useless
outdoor game ever devised
to waste the time and try the

spirit of man,” he wrote.
remember, |

One must
though, that Pegler was a
professional misanthrope.
And his assessment certainly
doesn’t explain the game’s
appeal. But maybe this does:

A FIGHT

“It is no accident that
most of the games men love
are played by _ hitting
something with a club; and
are interesting because they
present a matched contest.
The contest is a sublimated

fight.”

TH bet you never thought
Dean Martin had such deep
thoughts. Now you know
differently. in the eyes of Pat
Ward-Thomas, the poet of
British golf writers, success
in this sublimated fight is a
character-builder.

“Every great golfer has
learned to think positively,”
he writes, “to assume the
success and not the failure of
a shot; to disregard
misfortune and to accept
disaster, and never to in-
dulge the futility of remorse
or blame. These are the
hardest lessons of all.”

g DUA
Wo 86 Yanc OV

Both Woodrow Wilson
‘and Winston Churchill get
credit for inventing this basic

description of the pastime:

“Golf is a game in which
you try to put a small ball
into a smalj hole with im-
plements singularly unsuited
to the purpose.”

People who play the ganie
for a living have a few things
to say about it. For example:

Arnold Palmer — “Few
things give a greater feeling
of accomplishment than
Striking the ball’ with the
middle of the club face and
watching it go straight and
far.” -

Fack Nicklaus — “I like
trying to win.. That’s what
golf is all about.

Jack Burke -- “The
average golfer doesn’t play
golf. He attacks it.

Patty Berg — “If I were a
man, I wouldn’t have half a
dozen Tom Collins’ before
going out to play, then
letting profanity substitute
for proficiency on the golf
course.” +

Louise Suggs -—- “If a
woman can walk, she can
play golf.”

Billy Casper — “Golfers -

are the greatest worriers in
the world of sport. In fast
action sports like football,
basketball or tennis, there is
little time to worry com-
pared to the time a golfer has
on his hands between shots.”

A man who played golf
superbly, but not for a living,

once. passed this along: “It is
nothing. new or ‘original: -to
say -that golf is played one

_ Stroke at a time. But it took

me many years to realize it.”

That goes for everyone,
but no doubt Bobby Jones
learned it more quickly. than
most.

For those of you who
swing a club as if you have
rust in your shoulders and
cement in your wrists, take
hope from these words by

Ben Hogan: “Golf is 20.
percent technique and 80 ~

percent meatal.”

Hank Aaron, a man whose
game used to be baseball,
has taken up golf in his
retirement. How does it
compare? “It took me 17
years to get 3,000 hits in
baseball,” he said. “I did it in

one afternoon on the golf.

course.” ,

That maybe a «slight
exaggeration, but as “in
fishing, exaggeration is the
name of the game. A chap
named Sir Walter Gridley
Simpson summed it up: “To

_ some minds the great field
which golf opens up for
exaggeration is its chief
attraction. Lying about the
length of one's drive has this
advantage over most forms
of falsehood — it can
scarcely be detected.”

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Perfect for Mother...

Do you think the former
foreign minister of Israel,
Abba Eban, may have been
exaggerating just a little with
the following? “Playing the
game, I have learned the
meaning of humility. It has
given me an understanding
of the futility of human
effort.” .

Eban now knows that Bob

. Hope meant when he said:

“If you watch a game, it's
fun. If you play it, it's
recreation. If you work at it,
it’sgolf.” -

Then there’s that well
22-handicapper,
A.N. Onymous, who ex-

around the world:

“It is a game in which a
ball, one and one-half inches

in diameter, is placed on a_

ball, 8,000 miles in diameter.
The object is to hit the small
ball and not the larger.”

Good luck to you all, keep
your head down, your left
arm straight and remember
this: that while the object on
the course. is to break 90, it
stops being the object when
you step into your car to
drive home. -

Fore!

Lawn bowling |

executive named |

The opening ceremonies
of the West Vancouver
Lawn Bowling club recently,

were an occasion for the

introduction of the 1979-80
executive.

- For the men, Honorable
President for the 1979-80
season is W. Van Mayor
and
Honorable Vice-President is
Alderman Ann Arnett.
President Ron Maunder is
assisted by Vice-President
John Bush, Secretary Vic

Demolition Sale
_ Jewels by Christensen is having an inventory clearance
sale. We are moving due to building reconstruction. For.

the next few weeks take advantage of the fantastic
savings throughout the store..just in time for Mother's Day.

We have also demolished prices on...

* Charms -
* Earrings
* 1.D. Bracelets

yewels 6) Christensen

1403 LONSDALE AVE., NW. VANCOUVER

988-8545

SEIKO ¢ BULOVA ¢ WITTNAUER

Lundeen, and Treasurer.
Malcolm Robertson.

Honorable President of
the women’s club is Mrs.
Marg Bindley, and for the
1979-80 season, Joy Syd-
neysmith will be serving as
President.

She will be joined i the
Executive by Vice-President
Velma Philip, Secretary
Margaret Humphreys, and
Treasurer Elma Gordon.

Regular
Retail
Prices

(Gold-filled): --

avier ohaige
ch 2 oe!

plained the basic problem as__
it affects 50 million duffers