im -

Page 16, March 14, 1979 - North Shore News

bots is it sport? 7

The World Figure ‘Skating Championships are

off and gliding once more this week, this time in |

Vienna. .

A most ‘appropriite site,

for haven’t at least a ‘million

Viennese waltz records been
worn out at public skating
sessions in arenas around the
world? Of course.

Vienna is all baroque,
strudel and tradition. Es-
pecially tradition. Headquar-
ters for Austrian figure
skating is the Vienna Skating
Club, right on the edge of the
downtown area and operat-
ing, as it has for the better

part of a century, on outdoor
ice.

When the Austrian capital

last hosted the world show in

1967, a brand new indoor.

arena with more. than 10,000
seats had been- completed
three miles away. But.the

figure skaters-.shunned- it..
were.

The championships __w .
held in the cold, the rain:
the sleet on the’ oid. ou
rink.

TRADITION

Will tradition — prevail.
again? Not jf the rest of the -

calories

carbonylrates.

Tilight ight. Nobody

world’s skaters have any say
in the matter.

_My figute skating friends

like to claim I always put

_their sport down. They’re

right. I do. For one reason.
Figure skating is-a competi-
tion, but it is not a sport. Any
activity in which you can

_blow the gold medal by

choosing the wrong music is

not a sport.

Do I make myself clear? |
do? Good.

My figure skating friends
come back at me with this
one: you must be athletic to
be a figure skater, thus it
must be a sport. Stuff and

‘nonsense.

_ Barishnykov, Nureyev and
‘en Kane are athletic.

“They couldn’t dance the way
they: ‘do. -if they weren't.
They aré tremendously fit,
co-ordinated,
agile. But is ballet « a ‘sport?

quick and

OF ‘course not.

WHY MUSIC?

What they do, also per-
forming to music, is: much
more akin to figure skating,
than figure skating is to any
other recognized sport,
except for gymmastics and
diving. And at least they(with
the exception of the gymnas-
tic floor exercises) dispense
with the music.

I mean, one can’t lose a
gold medal on the parallel .
bars or on the 10-metre tower
because he or she ch
Tschaikovsky over Deh
and was low- -markedyby the
judge from Francé.

What these three activities
do have in common is a
subjeetive means of deciding
champions. Panels of judges
sit of Stand in a row and
award marks. And stir up
storms. of crying and
complaining.

The everlasting curse of
international sport is jock-

strap nationalist ‘and the

ill-will it-can and often does

create. When winners and
losers are decided by multi-
national groups of judges,
ill-will and misplaced _nation-
alism become automatic.

cials forever complain that
judges from the. communist

- bloc countries gang up on

their athletes. The same

_goes, in reverse, from the. ~

skating crowd in _ the
communist nations.

POLITICAL DECISION

Half the. people in the
pastime -are convificed the.
pecking! order, not current
performances, decides

. Did a Nort&
American skater win such
and such an event last year?
He did? She did? Okay, it’s
Europe’s turn this year. Get
in line and wait. ~~

During the last . Winter
Olympics, one was treated to
the sound of Toller Cranston,
at» a press conference,
excoriating the judges from
the communist countries
becaue they gleefully low-
marked western skaters for
mistakes they overlooked in
their own competitors.

The next day, when he

came up with a fairly
pedestrian performance in.
the free-skating section of

the competition, the
communist bloc judges were
quite kind. The lowest marks
of all were hung on him by a
countryman, the Canadian.

“he can “better und

Committee president Lord

the’ judges in’. “any-
why - International’ Olympic ;

case, to

‘decide win, place and ‘show.

net.

_that only goes to ptove

not really a sport—its
_ chance. a
Make all the skaters

‘A wonderful opportunity: to
invoke _ the -democratic ~
wants to toss all activities out process, the » will -of - the
of the Olympics that can’t be majority, whichwe all ‘hold
decided with a tape measure, | dear. _

a step watch of the sight ofa ~
ball or puck in the back of the ©

Michael Killanin of Ireland

When | the "medals ‘have
been “hung around — the
appropriate necks,. ...and
bouquets of flowers tucked
into the appropriate arms, .
then permit the ‘skaters to
remove..their ~ hoods and
identify themselves.

THE ANSWER

‘AS you may possibly have
noted from reading past
prose pieces on this page, I
have solutions to almost all
problems in sport. Nobody
ever makes use of them, but’

What. nul

id be more fair?

tthey’re not too smart. Now,
I’m going to give figure
_skating—despite the fact it’s

perform in identical garb, to
identical music, wearing
hoods over their heads and
identified only by numbers
on their backs. -

Then install an applause
metre and permit the crowd,
which: seldom agrees with.

judge.

When things like this
happen, 2 casual observer
might be forgiven for believ-
ing that galloping paranoia
also is a skating event. And

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