> =~ deer a oe rea WWW 42 - Sunday, October 2, 1988 -.North Shore News LIFESTYLES Giving away goods takes tact DEAR MISS MANNERS — People warned me that being poor would be difficult, but no one told me that becoming poor was going to be a problem. In six months, I shall be leaving the United States to become an overseas missionary. 1 shall be gone for a minimum of four years. My dilemma involves what to do with ell my worldly possessions. Since my parents are nearing retirement age and are in the pro- cess of selling their house and moving into an apartment, storing special ites with them is not an option. I am 22, and most of my friends are near my age. None of them has space available where I miss ‘Manners Judith Martin Dt] could stoze things. I don’t really mind not being able to keep things, since I don’t value possessions al! that highly. But how do I get rid of them? Since PU be in a_ tropical climate, I won’t need my heavy woo) sweaters and skirts. Would it be improper to give a few of them FACILITIES & SERVICES EXCIUSIVELY FOR WOREN 0 Relaxing Whirlpool O Soothing Sauna D Lifecycles & Fan Bikes D Weight Training Equipment D Private Showers and Dressing Booths Ci Cushioned Wood Floors C Free Weights © And much, much morel!! RORTH YANCOUYER 1445 MARINE DRIVE 980-5635 (1 Aerobics & No Bounce Aerobics Daily’ BURHASY / COQUITLAM to friends, or should J donate them all to the Salvation Army? I have a beautiful red and bicck sweater that would look much better on 2 certain friend than it ever did on me. Can 1 just give it to her or would that be tacky? Even harder is trying to dispose of presents that friends have given me. I will keep a couple that are very special, but IF couldn't possibly store them afl. i can’t throw away a painiing, or dishes I’ve never used. Would it be in poor taste to return them to the giver, or would it be better to give them to someone else? I’m not sure how much use the Salvation Army would make of a painting. What do I do with a framed in- spiratioual message that 2 friend wrote on parchment in calligraphy and addressed to me? I have been very blessed by the amount of love friends have bestowed on me. I love my friends dearly and don’t want to hurt their feelings. I know that they'll understand intellectually that I need to part with many of my ma- terial possessions, but I don’t think ihat will translate easily into an understanding that I can’t keep the afghan thet was crocheted especially for me. Do you think it would help if I composed a poem thanking them for all they’ve given me and ex- plaining that it is only because of the love that each of them has given me that I am able to find the strength to become a missionary? What if I.had a small party and allowed close friends to choose which among my possessions they would like? Those things that no one expresses an interest in but which are of some value could be New Adult Patrons only Based on 24 months FULL PRICE $336.00 WORTH ROAD CENTER 4561 RORTH ROAD RICHMOND 7740 ALDERBRIDGE WAY 218-2242 donated to a worthy organization — or am fin danger of hurting someone's feelings again? GENTLE READER — Yours is an unusual! problem — refreshing in an age not unduly complicated by the desire to purge oneself of possessions — and, as you realize, it requires unusual tact. Your friends, in giving you these presents, treated you as a treasured individual. They will therefore not enjoy being treated in return as a group. Rather than writing one poem and distributing it to everyone, please take the trouble to write each an individual letter. Be sure to omit any comment about not valuing possessions. To say this would not only deprecate the symbolic meaning of these presents but cast, aspersions on the normal worldliness that these people presumably enjoy. In some cases, you could ask the donor to keep something precious for you, to remember you by. You could suggest to scme people one or two things they might want — “[’ve always thought this sweater would look better on you — tell me frankly if you could use it’’ or “Do you need any: dishes?’’ DEAR MISS MANNERS — A very close friend moved into a new apartment recently, and my hus- bard and I bought a large basket as a gift for her. On Saturday night, we were invited to her home for dinner, and in Saturday’s mail there was a card from the store saying we hed a credit for a basket that was returned. I jokingly said to her, ‘Well, . Dear Neighbour, ‘me know. Sincerely, R. Keith Duncan Chairman BEW By courtesy of a gift from Park Royal Shopping Centro Nite West Vancouver Foundation 750 - th Street, West Vancouver, B.C. V7V 3T3 922-1211 that’s the last time I get you a gift." She laughed and = said, “Well, it just wasn’t right, but they weren't supposed to do that.”’ There was seme banter about the ethics of our using the $50 credit for ourselves, and about whether we should buy her another gift. On the way home, we decided to ask your opinion. GENTLE READER — Miss Manner’s opinion is that this is a pretty good friendship, able to survive an awkward situation by joking about it. The only culprit here is the store. It is acceptable to exchange a present, provided one does not directly confront the giver with this action, which your friend did not intend to do. You need not send another pres- ent, but it would be a nice gesture, just to show that your feelings were not hurt. How about flowers or fruit — nicely arrariged in a~ disposable basket? Honourable JOHN REYNOLDS M.L.A. West Vancouver - Howe Sound ' Fer information or assistance please write to 112-2419 Bellevue Avenue, West Vancouver, BC. V7V 474 or call 922-6722 / 920-0482 OR the Speaker’s Office, Parliament Buildings, Victoria, British Columbia, V8V 1X4. Telephone 387-0931. You are no doubt familiar with the tale of JACK AND THE BEANSTALK. Jack was the lad who used the giant's booty to benefit his poor widowed Mother and found there was enough left over to . share with the entire community. That story reminds me of the West Vancouver Foundation in many, many ways. Let us consider for a moment, the giant in the story and his hen that laid the golden egégs. . It would seem that the giant has a pretty good life. He had an endless supply of precious eggs, bags and bags of money and a magic harp to lull him to sleap after every hearty supper. But he never did anything with his wealth! He stacked it and stroked it..His only pleasure was in smugly counting it. It seems to me Benjamin Franklin had a better perspective when he said: ‘‘The use of money — is all the advantage there is in having money.’ Now the hen is a different case in point! Obviously, the hen loved to share. Why else would a hen lay golden eggs on command? Because it gave her pleasure! A case could be made that women are more generous by nature. But then again, not only women know it’s a great feeling to give birth, whether it be to a thought or to a creature. In the hen’s case, of course, it was to golden eggs. Just think what the West Vancouver Foundation could do with a few dozen golden egga! Where would you start? _.\_ 7 Think about it and let A\ eS OE Oa ead ak a RUE cates ve sc wet bahia dot aie