| | “LIFESTYLES
Diapers have killed romance

Q. I READ your answer to
a man whose wife had no
sex desire three months
after childbirth.

I have the same problem as his
wife, but it has been six months
since my baby was born. § am
wondering if this loss of libido
could be caused by breastfeeding.

Also, I wonder if I've lost afl
desire for my husband because he
doesn’t help me with the child
care at alt. Could this be possible?

A. Let me answer your second
question first: Oh, yes! It is very
important for a husband to be
supportive both emotionally and
physically with the baby.

If he does nothing to help, you
may be angry and disappointed
with him. In that case, a loss of
sexual desire is possible and un-
derstandable.

Now to your first question. {t is
also possible that you are thinking
of yourself as primarily a mother
because your full breasts are a
constant reminder of your mater-
nal state. I suggest the two of you
get away for romantic dinners at
least once a week.

You must tell him how disap-
pointed you are in him. If you
can’t work these things out
together, see a therapist before
this pattern of sexual disinterest
becomes ingrained.

Q. My husband and I are in our
60s. Our sex life is still good.

Several years ago I had an af-
fair that lasted about a_ year.
Recently £ told my husband.

He has forgiven me for what
happened, but he wants to talk
about it a lot. He asks me abont
all the sexual detaits.

[I am concerned about whether

Season’s Greetings

Dr. Ruth
Westheimer

ASK DR. RUTH

or rot this is norma) behavior on
his pari. Does he ask me for the
details because hearing them
makes him perform beiter? Or
does he have another motive?

A. It is not unusual for a man
to ask for sexual details from his
wife's past. But I can’t tell you his
motives.

If he were sitting here in my of-
fice, I could ask him the same
questions. Since he isn't, | can on-
ly speculate.

Because you fink his interest in
the details to an improved per-
formance, I can guess he must
become more aroused by hearing
them. If that is the case, give him
plenty of details. Don’t stick with
what actually happened. Make up
erotic stories for him.

By moving into the fantasy
world, you will feel less guilty
about making the experience bet-

. and a Power Smart New Year.

Our offices will be closed:

Tuesday, December 25
Wednesday, December 26
and Tuesday, January 1.

Emergency and maintenance crews will be
avaiiable throughoui the holiday period.

BGhydro

: ANOTHER

ter for both of vou.

If you run out of ideas, buy
Nancy Friday's books, Aly Secret
Garden and Forbidden’ Flowers.

And give him plenty of rein-
forcement by telling him what a
goed lover he is.

Q. 1 am a 37-year-old) man,
married for four years to a
wonderful woman. This is my first
marriage, and before - settled
down, | sowed more than my
share of wild oats.

fo can get oan erection and
ejaculate and even make inter-
course Jas a suitable lengik of
time, but sex doesn't feel as good
te me as it once did.

Even orgasm isn't the thrill) is
once was. Soractimes J barely reg-
ister the ejaculation in my brain,

This loss of good feeling began
to happen about two years ago. i
have seen my own physician and a
urologist who fourd nothing
wrong with me. Both suggested
that {| may be unhappy in my
marriage.

I don't think Tam. Could I be
unhappy with my wife and not
know if? Or is there another
reason for the sexual feeling to
change?

A. Bravo for discussing this
problem with your doctor and see-
ing a urologist. Since they found
no medicai reason for your
diminishing enjoyment of sex, you
must see a therapist.

Yes, it is pessible that buried
feelings of anger and resentment
at your wife, or something or
someone else, could be the root of
the problem. It is also possible
that you are expecting sex to re-
main exactly the same as it was at
first.

Steepover or

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