tee

a decidedly unattractive form of behavior, as

uncomfortable to

She therefore thinks it should be required only of
those who find themselves in the wrong, and that

38°- Wednesday, February 27, 1985 - North Shore News

Sociai

¢ ocial squirming is, in Miss Manners’ opinion,

perform as it is to watch.

innocent people should be spared.

If, for example, you
receive a call of inquiry from
someone who has sent you
an invitation you have not
answered; if you find
yourself face to face with a
bereaved person whom you
have not written in sym-
pathy; if you are asked
whether uou have received a
Present for which you did
not express thanks — then,
squirm away.

Not only will Miss Man-
ners not rescue you, but she
will take some naughty
satisfaction in your plight.

However, many such peo-
ple who should be squirming
try to avoid it by going on
the offensive, with such nas-
ty and fraudulent claims as
“They ought to be happy
just with the satisfaction of
giving” or “If they were re-
ally mourning, they
wouldn't have noticed.*"

-And while these people
appear to be getting off free,
many perfectly. nice people,

who are doing just what they.

ought,. are squirming
miserably.

One. such ' person is a

by Judith
Martin

telephoning, much less ar-

ranging to share a meal.
Then there js the

gentleman who has found

himself, because of his pro-:

fessional affiliation, his state

“young lady who likes occa-

sionally to have a small
- assortment. .of. classmates
‘over for what she describes
as, mellow evenings,

“"* although’ exactly: what.. that

means, Miss. Manners has
decided not to inquire. In-
wWitations are issued with the
proper .discretion, which is
to say. that the hostess knows

better than to.-discuss her .

‘hospitality “in front. of
anyone to whom she does
not plan to extend it.

Nevertheless, she lives: in a
State of fear that anyone
who is not invited might
discover that anyone else
was. This applies not only to
‘those with whom she is not
on visiting terms, but every
person not included at each
event, even if. many of them
are‘invited by her to: other
gatherings.

Another instance is that of
a gentleman: whose’ business

often takes him from his.
hometown to.a nearby city ~

where he has assorted rela-
tives and friends. Although
his trips are frequent and of
short duration, he is in ter-
ror that a stray cousin or
acquaintance will. discover
that he has been within those
city limits | without even

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of bachelorhood and his
charm, more in demand
socially than he cares to be.
Formerly, he refused in-
vitations in such a way as to
make him squirm legitimate-
Is: by lying about other
engagements, and thus runn-
ing the risk of being
discovered; by agreeing to
go, and then cancelling at
the last minute; or by atten-
ding events at which he was
unable to conceal his lack of

* enthusiasm.

Having, however, become
enlightened by Miss Manners
on the correct way of declin-
ing invitations politely (with
no excuse at all but only a
protestation of regret) he
now is able to avoid the real
danger.

Miss Manners will now get
all these squirmers off the
hook.

All they need to know is
that one does not have to
accept unreasonable
Premises, no matter how
persistently pesty others may
be about advancing them.

The young lady need not
accept the premise that she
has to invite all her friends,
or all potential friends, to

each gathering she gives. The &

travelling | gentleman. need
not accept the premise that
being in‘a different city re-

‘quires him-to see: everyone

there he knows. The popular

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gentleman need not accept
the premise that he must so-
cialize with anyone who
demonstrates a sufficient in-
terest.

Once these premises are
politely rejected, none of
these people need fret about
not fulfilling related de-
mands. Miss Manners would
then be obliged to complain

squirmers not always guilty

thai excessive squirming only

of making the rest of us feel
serves the dubious purpose

decidedly uncomfortable.
Fitness is a national issue.

We call it Body Politics. . GS

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