Foor enn

Page ChsTey 1,

1979- Sunday News :

But what was th the question? 7

him some sort. of ultimajim,_

~ QUESTION: I'm getting sick .
and tired of my family and
relatives always being on me
for being negative and

mind I have and that it is not
healthy, etc. As a matter of
fact, they are a bunch of
dreamers who keep

pretending ¢ that everything is

‘not _negative and
I'm

A

not just dream

tee we bata beve any

We're about to be wiped
out in some nuclear “ac-
cident”, there fs turmoil in
international relations, the
economics scene is a disaster

‘ everyplace,

a “Freelance Counsellor Hayden “Stewart 1 may be reached at
261-6242 for appointments for individual,
counselling. His new office in the international. Plaza Hotel (Open
' Juesdays onty) is for the convenience of North Shore' residents.

E VERYTHING Is A MESS

‘should L

dope or drunk or getting
abortions:

Everything is a mess and
these blind relatives of mine
keep riding me for admitting
the trath. Everything IS a

mess. So why should I be

| positive and optimistic?

ANSWER: Could it be that’
you_and your blind relatives

BOTH need more “facts”, as

you call them? Perhaps they

would be better off if they

gave more attention to some

of the “facts” you list. And

perhaps you would be- better

off if you paid attention to

some of theirs.

For - example, YOU say,

-~ “the kids are all‘on dope or

drunk or getting abortions”,

and you write as though that |

is one of the “facts” that
make up your reality. Right?
Well, perhaps THEY know
some kids who do not fit that
blanket judgment of yours.
Will you give them per-
mission to base their way of
living on THEIR “facts”?

unemployment |
is terrible, the kids are all on

} possibility

amity or: Sroup

co

Por. ¢

Another possibility that

may bother you lies in the
that they,
{although they recognize
some of: the “facts” that

- upset you), have. a different

way of reacting to them, and |

- you may have a different

way of reacting to “facts”
that seem’ important to
them. t

i ,

‘Being, realistic is wise.
Keeping your eyes open to
ALL truth makes awfully
good sense. However,
having an habitually
negative and pessimistic
attitude concerning truth, as
you set it, usually creates an
extremely heavy load, not
only for the person who does
it, but those'who love him.

Admitting to truth doesn’t
hurt anyone. But HOW one
reacts to the truth one
recognizes leaves all sorts of
room for a variety of results -
happy and sad. Your

‘response to reality creates

your way of life. How
your negative responses
serving you? Check it out!

The manipulation game

QUESTION: What do you
do ff someone tries to
change you or manipulate
you?

STEWART: If I feel they are
doing it because they love
me, I try t5-pay attention to
theix” ideas. However, I’ve.
oe mysel{“to be quite
sdtective about their ideas,

Sracteet et oad

Toaking Use ¢ oF Mhoge: ‘thatring

“ideally” because I rather
think I’m not very good at it.
Yd like to be good at it
though, and when I grow up,
perhaps I will be!

The big thing is to be kind
to yourself. If somcone
offers you criticism that will
be helpful to you, and you

KNOW it will be, for

peter’ ‘fie and ehooting go yourself“

7+ -ignore the other

if they do it just because
they don’t like me and want
me different, for their own
sakes, then, ideally I follow
the very same pattern. I say,

&

: Vantage “or ‘their offer! ait
' do it With gratitude.

: \

- That's much more fun that
stubbornly “taking a stand”
against them, and, contrary
to your own awareness,

Dr. Donald W. Lang

wishes to announce the relocation of his medical office

to:

Suite 35, 1189 Lynn Valley Rd.
(Westlynn Mall)

in association with:

. Dr. David W. Gray, and
"Dr. Douglas/W.R. McTaggart

Phones: Or.

Or. Gray

Dr. McTaggart

985-4545
988-1542
988-2810

arguing that they are wrong,
or butting in, or trying to run
your life. You may win the
argument but rob yourself of
the pre-offered gift.

If it is available, accept it
with thanks. If it is tawdry,
have none of it.

1981 Lonsdale
North Vancouver

oy

ANNE would
welcome her clients to her
new location at—

_ QUESTION: I don't-live fat

“_your ur husband ‘know. that. itis...

~ “North Vancouver, but ‘my: -
aunt ‘always. brings me. your
colurnn,. so 1 am sure that my
husband will not see my
letter or your reply.

I dearly love my. husband, .
but I have a very difficult
problem with him. He asked
me point blank to give him
his freedom in regard to
another lady he loves. He

says he loves me and he |

loves her too and he cannot.
see any reason for him to.
deny himself of his love for
both of us. ~

I feel absolutely certain.
. that he & telling me the
truth. I mean he' DOES love
- me, and I think he loves her,
too. He ls very attentive and
loving; ‘both with me and
with our two kiddies.

I have given him the
freedom he has requested,
because’ I ‘love him and
because I cannot entertain
the thought of trying to -
influence him to change.

The thing is, this is very
very hard for me. I don’t like
it at all. I have not given a
moment's thought to offering

PARENTS ASK ASK

QUESTION: Our son is
sullen and moody and un-
-~communicative so mitch of
the time that it makes us
angry and discouraged.

Until the last year or so,
we have given him
everything he wants, almost
without question. But now.
that he is in his mid-teens,
we feel we ought to say no to
him about certain things he
wants.

When we refuse him he.

goes into an awful mood and
fs impossible to handle.

Where have we gone

, wrong and what can we do
now?

1979
International Year

~of the Child

Zin S

—

——

like to

985-9101

you | feel
dignity

such as, “You'll ‘have to |
decide whether it is to. be me

or her.” That is just not in

But it Is so hard to be.
content. with the direction I.
have taken. I'm not asking
you if you think I am wrong,

but rather, how can I best go

about following the path I
feel right about? _

Pve just read over: my
letter and want to add that.I

am NOT a weak, clinging.
. vine sort of person, nor am I -
“morally. immature... -I- ‘am

strong and capable and have ,

the financial means to be on

my own, so I have not
chosen my path out of fear of

“breaking up” our loving
relationship, I have chosen it

because it seems the loving
. thing for me to do. .

STEWART: The - question

you..want me to stick to is,
“how. can I best. go about
following the ‘Path I feel right
about?”

’ First off, follow ANY path
“right” about, in
and trust as long as it
feels “right” for you. Let

f

Where did we go wrong?

STEWART: It may seem to

- him that you have given him

a bewildering switch in your

attitudes. I wonder. If you ©

have brought him up to take
it for granted that you will
give him “everything | he
wants, without question” and~
now you are suddenly saying
“no”, it may be he feels his
customary way of relating to

you has been blown to
smithereens.
This might have

frightened him and promp-
ted him to feel you are in
some way tuming against
him, or at least, away from
him. He might see this as a
threat to his security. There

very hard for you, but that’
you want to do it until-such a
time as you sense it has not

been-a wise choice for you.”

Tell him that at that time,
you ‘will..make some™ new
choice, in. the’light of your.
new awareness, and will let:.

him know you have made .

new choice.

In other words, go all out
on the path you feel “right”.

about, but don’t promise to”

stay. on that path fc for the rest
of your life.

In the course of your
venture, “allow. your - -higher..

self to guide you into the |

most © complete sharing of |
love | ‘you. have ever ex-
perienced. Ask yourself how:
you can ben more loving. than...
ever. — F ;

“Never “

Tell him about it clearly, one:
time, then take it quietly on”

the chin until you .sense-.:
there is a new path calling

you.

Nagging i is out! Love i is: the -

answer. Now, do. you -

remember the question? - a

isevena possibility he senses

~ (incorrectly I am sure) that

his parents don’t like him
when he’s fifteen as much as
they did when he was
younger. -

Don’t think of it as where
you “went wrong”. Instead,
cash in on what you: have
learned, and, with that
added insight, give attention
to NOW. Before you were
acting out of love, is that not
love your boy is hungry for
and perhaps you can come
upowith new ways of sharing
it with him. It is within your
capabilities to do that very
thing. Will you choose to
give it an all-out effort?

SUMMER

3CO-F

IN NORTH AND WEST =F UI

‘eNEW—West Yan

NORTH VANCOUVER:

‘ EVENING:

MORNING:
WEST VANCOUVER:

MORNING:

9

°NEW_North Vanco éF Morning Program. _

~ St. Martins Anglican Church,
195E. minor St.

July
Mon & Wed 6:00-7:00 pm ' $10.00
Tues & Thur 6:00-7:00 pm $11.25

Tue & Thur 9:30-10:30am $11.25

_ Eagle Harbour Gommunity Schoo!
‘ §575 Marine Drive

Mon &' Wed 9:00-10:00am $10.00

FOR FURTHER INFO & REG. PHONE:
669-9776

STAFFORD, CARR & ASSOCIATES
CONSULTING KINESIOLOGISTS UIMITED

ma 7

A~—3~oe. DEO GTARR

August
$10.00
_ 4B classes) (8 classes)
$11.25
(9 classes) (9 classes)

$11.25
(9 classes) (9 classes)

$10.00
(8 classes) (8 classes)

once - whimper?
about how hard it is for you: ‘-

tm

er my ee ee en pea CE ne oe

ce . ;
wae i sama ner cuecomimodato your holidays