Ah, Boxing Day. Time to get
oui the gloves, get into the
ring, and wait for the bell. (1
know full well this is a tired
metaphor, but bear with me,
OK? Think of all the times
I’ve done stuff for you.)

ee

By Tina Gilbertson
Staff Writer

Ding! And it's Round 1. You
come out of the corner, sweat scep-
ing on to your brow with the antici-
pation of the fight.

You spot a stereo on sale for
$49.98 (regularly $2,999, accord-
ing to the blaring red sticker). You
start swinging madly at the other
boxers. It's only 10:02 a.m. and
some of them are already punch-
drunk,

Suddenly you hit the mat, out
for the count. Through the blizzard
raging in your head you hear angels
on high, sweetly singing oer the
plain — and watch the competition
dancing victoriously with the stereo
held proudly in the air.

No time for tears. You must get

up. You're still in the ring and your
family has placed bets.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch ...

There / am, watching parades on
TV and belching up eggnog, play-
ing with my Christmas toys (socks
can be made into little puppets) and
laughing Gt you.

Sce, | am a card-carrying mem-
ber of the Stay-at-home-on-
Boxing-Day Club. Our credo is:
Comfortus vincit barganum, or
“We are not sheep.”

All right, we pay a little more
for the same merchandise, but we

PLREL AUNT SE ENE

NEWS photo Mike Wakefleld

THE SEASON of goodwill comes to an abrupt end today as Boxing Day sales rage. Those who
stay home miss out on scenes like this one.

figure we're worth it (we're enti-
tled to an opinion).

And our time, after all, is valu-
able; think how many sock puppets
I could play with in the time it
takes you to drive to a sale, park,
find something worth standing in
line for, stand in line, and drive
home again with something you
maybe don’t need that was a hell of
a bargain.

“But the time it takes is worth
the savings on stuff [ really need.”
you say.

HRT eT et

After Christmas

x5 DAYS ON
Starts Dec. 27 to Dec. 31

9 a.m.. tO 5 p.m.

Sorry - Sale applies to in-siock items only.
No Special orders
“Up to 70 % off regular retail price

PACIFIC CITY LIGHTING

4702 E. HASTINGS, BURNABY
294-5256

I say that money is only worth
what you exchange it for.

That’s pretty profound and
meaningful if you take time to
think about it, but you're probably
too busy putting food in the cat's
dish in case you don't come home

within 12 hours.

fltexplain. Say you pay $10 for
something that I pay $20 for the
following day. Your tenner and my
20 are worth exactly the same
thing: the item we each bought.

Get it?

Via

“Ah,” you say (I know you so
well), “but I have $10 in the bank
that you don’t have.”

What is that $10 worth?
Nothing, Not until you exchange it
for something else.

And by that time, Fil be
exchanging money for something
else, which will be worth exactly
what | pay for it. See’? No one actu-
ally comes out ahead.

Came on, people, | bet Robert
Aiken understands this.

Anyway, even if you don't
agree with me on this (which is
known in the small circle thot is my
brain by the provocative title,
“Tina's Moncey Theory of Nobody
Coming Out Ahead of Anybody
Else"), you have to admit at least
that getting @ shiner is not a good
way to celebrate the season of
goodwill.

Lineups on Boxing Day are bas-
tions of bad feeling. People glare at
cach other and at cach other's kids,
who always seem to be aoisier or
worse-behaved than your own.

If you were at home, like I am,
enjoying the peace and festivity of
the holidays, the world would seem
a lot friendlier.

Doesn't say much for humanity
if in order to love your neighbor
you have to stay away from him,
but why not put it to the test?

Taday, try to love your neighbor
who just walked away with “your”
stereo, You didn’t really need it
anyway. Stereos make lousy hand

PAT TE)

All in store stock.
vad