i t i Tenet Se tem oan met tenet acnr nes Net aetome AE Soh t ee eeen ge n meee en ee ge aj genta enter n tooe wenn cee Neen eine wo aes 44 - Wednesday, March 9, 198% - North Shore News naiscretion leaves hubby worried Q. WHILE i was out of the country, F went to a fabulous brothel, famous around the world, and then fell for those old ‘‘when in Rome do as the Romans" and “Ef deserve this experience once" fallacies. L went to the brothel as a tourist, just to see the place and have a drink or two, but Eleftas a trick with a case of gonorrhea, The drinks helped my fall from good sense. So I caught a dose and stayed some extra days overseas getting i cleared up. Now [ am worrled about having risked ex- posure to the AIDS virus and have not had sex with my wife since coming home. She has the situa- tion figured out although I have admitted nothing. I see what has to be done. I have to tell her the truth. So please tell me how to take the first step with some kind of style, or at least without: covering myself with a fake look of remorse I don't really feel. A. I think you really do feel some remorse or regret, or you wouldn’t be worrying at all. And let -me say that some regret, at least let us call it regret, is certainly the right thing to have. Because the situation is definitely regrettable. For you to have this loss of frankness with your wife, this fear of having becn exposed, this fear of passing some- thing fatal on to her, is regrettable, and: obviously you de“regret it, because’ those-few. drinks you. had - did not. make a permanent idiot out of you. L Sl. When we have the good sense to regret sotnething, at least let us not ‘ regret having good sense. In the past I have often told people not to burden their spouses... with unwanted confessions. If ‘a husband or wife slipped from fi- delity and felt guity, that was no reason to give this unwelcome and pain-giving news to the faithful one, the: deceived one. But in the present era any infidelity puts both the spouse who was unfaithful and the innocent one in grave danger. So you have to say you got drunk, the exotic’ place and the drinks overcame your good sense, and now: you are sober, pretty frightened and very, very sorry. Your wife will not doubt that you are serious. It is a very serious Enhance your — marriage DO YOU want to enhance your marriage? : _ A four-part marriage enrichment seminar will déal with such topics as effective communication, resolving conflicts, sexuality and enhancing closeness. The seminar, taught by Dan Keeran, a professional counsellor, will be held. forfour consecutive Thursdays starting March 10, at 7 p.m. at Canyon Heights Chapel, 4840 Capilano Rd. * Cost is $75 per couple or $40 for singles. To pre-register call 985- dilemma you are in, and if you are worried about what kind of stylc you show, then you are worried about the wrong thing. You just have to realize how serious this is and act serious. You definitely have to sce a doc- tor and have the test for the AIDS virus antigen, and obey your doc- tor about avoiding any activity with your wife that might pass the virus on to her. This period of privation will go on for half a year at least, possibly more — it is no joke. I don’t say it outlaws any and all sexual activity, but rubbing together fully clothed is about all you can really consider safe. So you have to make amends some- how. If possible take your wife on a terrific trip to some place she wants to visit. And by that | mean you should let her pick the destina- tion. J am sure you would not want your wife to get even by having a fling herself. Even in the fool’s JELECTROLU, MODEL 68 very ay wet gh ONLY $249.00 as® wot Limited stock me paradise of a few years ago, when so many people thought sexually transmitted diseases were a bygone joke and when we had drugs to cure them casily, you would not have liked that. But now [ hope she herself understands that any such revenge would be too dan- gerous to herself to be considered. Q. I am 73 and I think something is missing from life. My husband, a year younger than I am, says he does not want to have what he calls geriatric sex although he wants to go on living with me af- fectionately and companionably. I have the growing feeling that I am entitled to shared sex with someone cise if he won't come across. [ don't expect the impossi- ble, anly some cooperation or ac- commodtion from my husband. Otherwise, | look elsewhere. What do you think? Dr. Ruth Ruth Westheimer A. I would avoid giving an ultimatum, [ would not say that if he doesn’t come across you are go- ing to find another sex partner. I wouldn't say it to him or to yourself, because it would be counterproductive. It is not likely to change your husband’s mind about what should go on inside that marriage of yours. A threat like that would ” probably just make him stick to his decision, But 1 do think that one INTRODUCING FORTE-VITAL YEUX. FIRMING EYE CREME Used every day Forte-Vital Yeux helps firm, tone and protect the delicate contours of the eye reducing the appearance of aging and puffiness. oe _ ‘BONUS partner really should not withdraw from sex when the other wants it to go on. A oman may have difficulties with sex, usually psychological; he may not want to alter what he considers his old virile sexual style -- in preference to that he may rather give up shared sex entirely. I think he should be reasoned with, and told that giving up all sex is more selfish than heroic, and very saddening to his wife. He should be persuaded to visit a marital counsellor, or, better, a sex therapist who can do marital counselling as well, if he can't understand his wife’s wanting to maintain the old shared intimacies. Because a devoted husband, reaching that age, will continue to pleasure his wife gladly if she does not demand full participation on - his part. Perhaps you might want to give your husband a copy of my new pamphlet, How to Improve Your Sex Life. This just may give him basic information that could help your sitaution. For a copy, send $1 and a stamped, self-addressed, legal-size envelope to Dr. Ruth/ How to Improve Your Sex Life, P.O. 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