50 - Sunday, February 24, 1985 - North Shore News Witty comebacks don’t faze very rude people deal with a rude, boorish person who, while you are carrying on a civilized conversation with another person, comes barging up to your partner and, without acknowledging your presence on the planet Earth, starts a conversation or issues an invitation for a later date — which definitely D= MISS MANNERS — How do you does not include you? Do you stand there like the proverbial lump on a fog, or do you wander off, apologiz- ing for being born? L try to think of some witty thing Oscar Wilde might have said, but so far have hed no luck penetrating their tough hides. 1 take this kind of behavior as a personal insult, and feel I should respond to it. I really don’t like these in- sensitive people. What do you suggest? GENTLE READER — Oscar Wilde was a man of many brilliant talents, but soothing over social dif- ferences was not one of them. As Miss Manners recalls, his method of going on the at- tack when ae felt himself in- sulted got him into some rather serious trouble. Hers is less spectacular, but works better. By all means wander off with an apology — not for having been born, but for. “intruding”’. J DEAR MISS MANNERS ~— One of my faults is that I am not very socially active. 3 am 15, and there is this kid in my class who is sociable, likes sports and is very friendly. I want to become friends with him, but I feel stupid asking him if we could he friends. Hf I asked him, he would probably think Pm 2 nerd. Is there a special way I can try to make friends with him? GENTLE READER -— Miss Manners is sorry to say that ‘‘Can we be friends?’’ is, indeed, a stupid question. Friendship cannot be con- by Judith Martin ESCA FS OTE tracted in advance, but must have a chance to develop before it can be given the stamp of recognition. Friendships develop because people have common interests. Your interest in, and his success at, popularity does not count. Sports de. e DEAR MISS MANNERS — I hav: worked several months for a young man who recently asked ‘me to call him by his first name. Although I was pleased Ly the idea at first,1 have found it awkward to be informal with him, and have resumed calling him by his title. We haven't discussed the matter further. I respect him, Could this be your backyard? It could with the original and distinctive design solutions we offer. 23 years experience ..service include biueprint plans :.. total supply & installations ..member: B.C.N.T.A. C.N.T.A., A.R.S., C.O.P.F. + North Star Landscaping 922-7342 and while I realize that nor- mally such requests should be honored, I want te remain on as businesslike terms as possi- ble when I am with him. He continues to cal? me by my first name, which I think is correct. Have I oehaved properly? GENTL€ READER — You have made a good start, bu: in the wrong direction. Thus you have ended up with the practice that the present usage of first names in offices -~ which Miss Manners also abhors — was intended to correct. The one-sided use of first names suggests a basic inc- quality, rather than simply a partial inequality such as | naturally exists in an office, where the hierarchy is clear. Thus, children are properly addressed by their first names, the state of childhood being of lower status than that of full adulthood. But the old practice of ser- vants and low-level employees being so address- ed, carried, in Miss Manners’ opinion, the undignified im- plication that they occupied a lower caste than those to VANCOUVER WALDORF SCHOOL 2260 Philip Ave. North Van whom they were required to speak respectfully. Although your boss was probably laudibly uncomfor- table with this idea, the universal usage of first names, with its phony sociability, is not the solution. Generally, it is not office employees who set the rules of behavior. But Miss Man- ners feels confident that when you explain your motivations of respect and the desire to maintain a businesslike atmosphere, you will persuade him that the truly modern answer is, rather, the universal use of -honorifics and surnames. Waldorf Pre-school and Kindergarten Open House. Tuesday, March Sth 7-9 p.m. 985-7435 A garage sale can be great! When it’s advertised in the NEWS. classifieds : 986-6222 SUNDAY = WEDNERDAY + FRIDAY YEAR END CLEAR 10% bor HOLIDAY DRESSES Ouse” ' "Takes 9°x 13” dish , CED! | JUMP SUITS NOW WAREHOUSE PR! aE WITH CONFIDEN "ADVERTISED DELL REFUND | € ‘counter squer ii Mcunts above counter ACCESSORIES atunstyies 260 W. 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