QUESTION: There's an old-
wives’ tale that goes, “Give
and you will receive.” But
rm not finding it to work
like that. 'm always giving
of my time, my service and
even of my means,
(although, goodness knows,
I am not in a very good
position to give material
things) but people don’t give
back. I think I should be a
giver and that’s what I am,
but what is given back to me
you could put in a thimble.
It’s a beautiful idea for the
whole world to live by, that
if you give, you will get
back, but something goes
wrong in the process
because Fm not receiving at
all. I can go all out for |
someone and all I get back,
if anything at all, is a “thank
you.”

Am I missing the boat

somehow, or is this an age
when giving back is not a
very popular pastime.
STEWART: You may have /
led people to sense that you

QUESTION: In the last four
years I have been developing
a positive attitude toward
life and it has been won-
derful experience for me. It
has taken a lot of changing
because I used to be ex-
tremely negative and critical
and skeptical. No more of
that for me! Well, hardly any
more. There is one area in
which I do not feel like I am
staying with my new-found
attitudes and I want to try to
do something about it.

Fd better describe what
rm talking about. I have a
valid responsibility for a
person who is very dear to
me and is in rapidly
deteriorating health. He ts
becoming very difficult to
care for. If I were not
around to care for him there
are three or four other

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are giving in order to be
repaid in some way or other.
The average person is not
strongly motivated to give
back, if he feels the giver has
made his offering in order to

cash in on his own
generosity.
You mention that you

think you SHOULD be a
giver. Your recipients could
be turned off at that point
too. They may feel that you
do not have a great deal of
interest in them, as persons,
but only have an interest in
righteously following your
creed that says, Thou Shalt

members of our extended
family who would be in a
position that I don’t want to
have befall them. They are
younger and have their own
lives to live. I don’t want
them to be saddled with a
demanding responsibility. In
the old days I would have
worried and complained and
admitted that I was really
afraid of the future. Now, of
course, I refuse to admit to
those negative, destractive
feelings. 1 don't need that
negativity one little bit. I
honestly don’t resent the
load on my shoulders, but I
am getting old too and I
would like to feel beter
about the future. I would
appreciate your help.

STEWART: You are on a
good course in being in-
creasingly positive and

980-4848

Be a Giver.

It might be helpful for you
not to give anymore, unless
you really want to. No more
giving in order to receive; no
more giving because you
OUGHT to be a giver. Give,
give, give, but give because
you want to. It will help for
you to practice for a month
or so, to make all your gifts
anonymously and, if
possible, secretly.

One other thing. Although
your “old wive’s tales” says
clearly, “you will receive,” it
does not go into any detail
about what sort of thing you

‘trusting. Your feelings of

fear and anxiety need not
turn you aside. But if you
continue to say, “I refuse to
admit to those negative .....
feelings,” you will almost
certainly leave your chosen
course. Those feelings are a
part of your reality and
cannot be denied without
cost.

Admit to yourself that you
are worried and ap-
prehensive. Refusing to do
so, or trying not to do sd,
establishes you in the very
negative pattern you are

will receive. So work on that
too. Because you probably
have specific expectations
about what you “should”
receive in return for your
giving, you may have
become somewhat myopic in
regard to what you ARE
receiving. The person you
give to may not even be the

source of your return. Give’

because you give to may not
even be the source of your
return. Give because you
WANT to and train yourself
in an awareness of how
much you are always getting
back. And be grateful.

ask hayden stewart

Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242
for appointments for individual, family or group counselling.

he future is here and now

choosing to leave behind
you. What you do with your
feelings may become
negative or positive, but the
feelings themselves are.
stmply a part of your fact.
They are neither positive nor
negative. They are your
reality. Denying your reality
is paralyzing. By the way,
how do you know that the
younger people you men-
tioned don’t NEED the
responsibility you hope they
want to have? The future? It
is nourished by the here and
now. “Look to this day!”

.Por.those now working as Homemakers for.
‘private or public agencies who wish to obtain -
ao the Provinclally recognized Homemaker -

« Certificate...”

"Homemaker Upgrading Program .

Part time, 30 weeks -

» September 8, 1982 to April 15, 1983 |
Two evenings or two mornings per week

Tuition: $169.50

For Information and registration join us
‘Thureday, August 5, at 7:30 p.m., Room 202,
» >  Multlpurpose Building, South Campus,
Lynnmour. Financial assistance may be available
to eligible students. For further intormation call

eo

986-1911, local 393.

ORGANI CURL

FROSTINGS

C5 - Sunday, August 1, 1982 - North Shore News

CAN YOU HELP?

Can you take one or two youngsters at a
moment's notice for a few days? If so.

Phone Margaret 984-4281
For information

Ministry of Human Resources

Foster Parents

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