Post affair feelings QUESTION: My wife had an alfair over a period of several months and quite by accident I discovered it. There was a period of very heavy interchange between us which has got to the place now where I have forgiven her, and she assured me that “it’s all over” with her lover. I love her and want to be with her and I am convinced that she loves me and wants to be with me. We both want to do everything we can to make our marriage better than it has ever been. We both want to put the “in- terlude” behind us. That is all good news. But, unfortunately, there is one dark cloud in my personal sky. I keep fearing that she really loved this fellow and that she thinks of him a lot and perhaps even compares me with him. I have that feeling most of all, while we are making love. For some reason our love-making is the best it has ever been, but is it because she is thinking of him? Or is it because she has learned from him things that I was never able or thoughtful enough to share with her? This is really a hang-up with me. It bothers me a lot. What if she is pining for him, but trying. to be great with me? Is there something you can say to help me get myself through this difficult time? STEWART: You've already said it! You've said, in one way or another, that you are accepting of her as she is, that you love her, that you are confident she loves you. that both of you want things to be better than ever and that both of you want to put the “interlude” behind you. Now what you need 1s even better sharing of your love, lots of ame for each of you gradually to find yourselves easing down into a new dimension of trusting your love. What if she does remember joyfully her experiences during the interlude? What if she does share with you expenences she learned to appreciate then? Would you rather she hypocritically denied any benefits that she is) now willing and cager to share with you? Your wife's expenence and yours is aot one you would) have chosen to go through But you have gone through tt and now itis your opportunity to learn from 1 and cash in on everything possible You said, “LT have forgiven her ” Great! Just be sure you are not “forgiving” her as an act) of noble supenonty exhibited by onc who feels he 1s pure and without fault PIANO TUNING (ype Divine ey = IS darn tunetul ask hayden stewart = | ‘WarairChass Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. Listen, don’t talk QUESTION: I want to ask you to comment on a subject that seems to be at the very beart of Christianity, and other religions too, but I want to ask it as a non- religious question. I was raised to believe in and to practice prayer. But for many years now, I have felt childish and even hypo- critical when I pray. I don't really believe in prayer. But, here I am, a grown man, turning to prayer when things seem out of joint. Can you say anything helpful about prayer that does not link it with religion? Can it be that it is something funda- mentally important even apart from religion? Programmable }~ TIMER! STEWART: If, by “religion,” you are meaning, the organizational aspects of it that have accumulated over the years and the systems of belief by which it is evaluated, then I can say that, in my way of thinking, prayer is best understood apart from “religion.” If you are one who has a sense of unison with the life force in its universal meaningfulness, you are probably one who is capable of giving attention to it, of “listening” to its wisdom and sensing its love. In which case, you may come to “know” from within that what you say in prayer and what you ask for are much less important to you than what you “hear” inwardly. The poet says, .... to KNOW Rather consists in opening out a way Whence the imprisoned splendour may escape, Than effecting entry for a light Supposed to be without. Pray on McDuff! But remember that you have two ears and only one mouth, so it’s smart to listen twice as much as you talk! The bottom line is, “Pay at- tention!" re |i aren iii A i \ > BOTTICELL) - SN2SO09P classic styled console Wood and simulated NEW 1982 C19 - Wednesday, July 14, 1982 - North Shore News HAWAII SUPER SUMMER SPECIAL $4990 Per person BASED ON DOUBLE OCCUPANCY FOR EIGHT NIGHT DURATION. PACKAGE INCLUDES: ‘e Round trip air fare from Van- couver * &nights accommodation at the Walkiki Pacific isle. © Return transportation between the airport and the hotel. * Hote! porterage. ~~ © 4% Hawaii state tax ® Flower lei greeting. * Welcome breakfast. 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