C2 -Sunday News, September 7, 1980

Child psychologist
Jacquelynne Eccles Parsons
learned one thing about
back-to-school clothing
from her daughter, Amy,
now eight.

Last year she sent Amy to
her first grade classes in a

snowsuit that was not only a
hand-me-down, it was also
too large and a boy's outfit,
to boot.

“She wore it one day and
came home and said she
would never wear il again.
She said she would rather be

cold than be laughed at.”
Parsons said in a telephone
interview. “She said her
classmates told her the
snowsuit made her look fat
and like a boy.”

Yet some teen-aged girls
prefer to wear boys’ over-

work

-

ildren want their clothes to c

size shirts with their j jeans.

“Children of all ages wear
what they think is ‘cool.”
Parsons said. “Children of all
ages seem to be interested in
conforming.”

Parsons is a professor of
developmental psychology
at the Univerity of Michigan,
in Ann Arbor.

“It's difficult for pareats to
choose children’s clothing
because children change so
quickly,” she said.

“Fve given up trying to
buy without their being with
me.” she said of her
daughter and her 11-year-old
son, Christopher, because
they won't wear clothes they

Coming home to dinner can

be a depressing experience

FROM PAGE C1

divorced, or
been married.

Being single is
necessarily a_ transitory
state, it can be a choice,
points our Paul Avery. But
there is a lot of pressure on
people not to remain single.
Women, especially, are
burdened with the image of
the “old maid” — much less
attractive than the term
bachelor, and if they want to
have children they have only
a limited amount of time
available to them.

Men have their pressures
too. A lot of companies want
their employees to be
married and some financial

have never

not

rates, such as insurance,
discriminate against
bachelors. An_ additional

problem is that single men
often don't have the simple
housekeeping skills to cope
with living

alone,  par-
ticularly if they've been
marned for years.

Men, furthermore, are
much more reluctant than
women to admit when
they're having trouble.

While women usually have a
social network to contact in
rough times, men, although
they tend to have hfe-long
buddies. often have no real
close friends to talk to. And
anyway, what are the
chances of thew buddies
knowing more about laundry
than they do?

tia:

Living as a single is ex-
pensive, from soaring
apartment rents to trying to
buy food in small quantities.
It can also be very un-
comfortable. Restaurants
don't like to serve parties of
one, and for women going to
bars or pubs alone can not
only be scary or depressing,
but actually dangerous.

People often wonder why
others aren't married — ts
there something wrong with
them? It can be an ego
destroying attitude. Said
Marg Penn, we often hurt
ourselves “by accepting the
notion that if someone of the
opposite sex doesn't love us,
it reflects badly on us, makes
us less worthwhile. It's
poisonous. It prevents us
from seeing the richness of
our lives as single people.”

“We often encounter a lot
of resentment when we're
speaking on radio talk
shows,” said Paul Avery. “A
lot of people think we're
sayiny to hell with the kids or
don’t mind what Mom says,
just go out and enjoy
yourself as a swinging single.
They see us as threatening
the family unit.”

“We get many calls from
women who sound worn oul
They ve worked hard and

raised their kids because
they felv it was (hear duty and
they re really upset to hear
us sugyesting its OK to be
single that they had a
choice ~

People who are marned

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BY; September 10, 1980

often feel threatened by or
uncomfortable with those
who arent. Many just
divorced individuals have
noticed that the friends they
had when they were married
just aren't around anymore.
Suddenly they've become an
alien in the group — perhaps
even a threat to the others
stability.

But the biggest problem of
singles, says Avery, is the
fear of loneliness. “1 unnk
that's basic to human beings
anyway, bul many people go
out and try to pair up just to
prevent that.”

Coming home for dinner
to an empty apartment can

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don't like.

Still, there are ways to
economize, she said.

“I try to buy fewer things
and wash them more often.

“You also have to be very
discretionary in the store
you choose. You have to
guide the children in the
stores. Don't guide them to
areas where the clothing is
apt to be very expensive.”

If necessary, she says,
make an advance tnp by
yourself to look for suitable
articles. Then, guide the
child to the appropriate
department, and offer them
a choice among several
different garments.

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Shopping for  back-to-
school apparel can teach
children about’ = moncy
management, she said, even
if they're first graders.

But she thinks setting
price mits works for the
little ones only on single
items.

First graders might be able
to cope, she said, if told they
could buy one pair of shoes
and spend $10.

But

decisions about

buying several things on a
fixed budget should be left
for their older brothers and
sisters.

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