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NEWS ret Terry Peters
MOTHER Mary-Jane Cowley sits with her 642-weck-old son Scott, while instructor Marie
O'Neill, also a mother, discusses the new North Shore Family Services program Parents nnd
Infants — First Parenting Experience, which Cowley will be attending.

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January 20, 1985

Newsroom 985-2131

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perfect parents

FIRST-TIME parents often feel if they read all
they can about their baby-to-be, then parenting
will be a breeze. But Lynda Adair, coordinator of
parenting programs at North Shore Family Ser-
vices, says more emphasis needs to be put on the

parenting process.

“The experience of paren-
ting isn’t that well research-
ed,”* Adair says, so the fam-
ily service is offering a
course, Parents and infants
— First Parenting Experi-
ence, designed to give cou-
ples a more realistic ap-
proach to parenting.

“The focus is on the
parents, rather than the
child,"’ says instructor Marie
O'Neill. ‘“‘Many couples
have got caught up in the
‘super parent syndrome’,
where they believe thev
should be perfect parents,
living in perfect homes, try-
ing to live up to high expec-
tations.’’

“But reality is different,’’
Adair stresses.

“Expectations will con-
stantly be changing and be-
ing redefined,’’ O'Neill con-
tinues. ‘Parents start realiz-
ing that the house can’t
always be kept clean. A
good parent concentrates on
the development of the
child, having an interesting
environment fez him.
Children can’t always be
told to not touch, or they
will be afraid to get involved
in later life.’’

O'Neill says parents usual-
ly feet confident with their
newborn if they’ve research-
ed the subject. But she adcs
that it isn’t that simple. “If
you have the knowledge, you
feel in control, but what
happens is if you follow the
book and baby is still crying,
you feel like a failure.
Although you may have read
all the right books, baby
hasn’t. You may think
you're an expert, but getting
to know your baby will
make you the real expert.”’

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Some parents feel that

baby's arrival won't change -

their lives much, but the tvo
women, both of them
mothers, say there are con-
tinual changes going on
within the roles of mother,
father, wife and husband,
and baby plays a big part in
that.

COORDINATOR
Lynda Adair
Adair talks about a friend
who recently had a baby.
“The first week after the
baby was born I phoned to
find out how they were do-

25¢"

ing,’’ she explains, ‘‘and my

friend says ‘We're not back
to normal yet.’ I laughed
and said you won't be back
to normal for about a year.’’

Exterior factors, such as
finances, babysitting
available, community
resources available (drop-in
centres, fitness classes, etc.)
and family influences (posi-
tive or negative), also
challenge parents in their
roles and relationships,
O'Neill says.

The parent and infant
course will cover such topics
as adjusting as individuals
and as a couple; growth and
development; communica-
tion; daily routines (or non-
routines); nutrition; safety in
the home; childbirth — fears

and fantasies; sexuality —_

yours and your child’s: ex-
pired maternity leave; time
out; and guilt, anxieties and
fears.

“The course gives new
parents the opportunity to
get together with other new
parents, and that includes
single parents and expectant

. parents as well,

Course will be held over
six Wednesdays, beginning
January 23, from 7:30 to
9:30 p.m. at North Lonsdale
United Church. Register

through Continuing Educa- |

tion at 985-8741 or for in-
formation call North Shore
Family Services at 988-5281.

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