Allow ‘Mom’ some privacy * QUESTION: C16-Sunday News, November 16, 1980 Fm sort of scared about my mother. She’s a neat lady and! really love her lot but I think she's getting so she doesn’t love me the way she used to and I haven't got anybody to talk to about it because my sister is too young. Anyway what I'm mad about fs this boy- friend my mother has. He always tries to be nice to us kids but what makes him think I want him to be nice? Anyway, what I'm mad about is mother keeps telling Jennifer and me to go along and play now. It's like she doesn’t want us. around mach any more. She's real nice most of the time but when he comes around it isn't ever long till she says you kids run along and play sow. That makes me mad but it makes me sort of scared too, Sometimes | wonder what would happen if she got so she doesn't really want us around very much? I guess you wouldn't know, but what do you think will happen to as? STEWART: I hope you won't mind how I changed your letter just a little bit. Fear of QUESTION: This is a bad time to be alive if you are a person who doesn't like to be touched! ['m a person like that. I just hate to have anyone touch me and all around me everyone bs touching and hugging. As a matter of fact, I really think it is a good thing, but I think it ts a good thing for OTHER people, not for me. In other words, you people go ahead — I think It's sort of nice for you, but leave me out. I just don't want to touch or be I'm so glad your mother is not always going out with her friend and leaving you with baby-sitters. I think that is all right to do oc- casionally, but apparently your mother would rather have him come to your place so that she can be with you too. That’s nice. Have you stopped to think that your mother is in a funny spot? Naturally, she wants to have a few adult friends, and perhaps one or two sort of special ones, and yet, she loves you and Jennifer and wants to be with you and be a good mother for you and have fun with you. She is probably doing her very best to do both things and she wants to do so much. Can you see that? You know how ask hayden stewart Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. His office in the International Piaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the conventence of North Shore residents. sometimes when you are having fun with the kids and an adult or two comes along it seems to spoil things a bit. You may like those adults, but they just aren't kids and they dori't seem to know how to play like you kids want to play — sort of on your own. Well, your mother is like that too. Whena-she tells you to rum along and play, she knows she can have a lot of time with you, but just now, this adult friend of hers is here and she wants to enjoy him in the way adult friends enjoy each other. They may want to talk about things you would not be very interested in. Or perhaps they are even a bit shy and would not like to have you see them hug or touching touched. Any comment? STEWART: Sure. If that’s the way you feel, don't touch or allow yourself to be touched. I sound like the docior in that old joke where the patient says, “My arm hurts when I move it this way, and the doctor says, “Then don't move it that way.” If you don’t want to be a part of the touch generabon — then don’t But. while you. are refraining, you might want to look into WHY you feel as you do. I think you'd rather be a toucher. Perhaps you are confusing what the kids call ““copping a feel” with what seems to me a beautiful and open and trusting way of demonstrating warm and friendly and even loving feelings. Talk it over with someone and see why you are inhibited about something that obviously intngues you, and may well come to be an enjoyable expression of your per: sonality Election news smothers all QUESTION: It burms me up to mote that the American election sews has = com. pletely smothered the Canadian media's efforts to cover the new budget and all the constitutional matter that are so important to Canadians. Why do we let that develop? sort of situntion STEWART: Strange isnot it ] expect a tot depends on what radio and TV Stations and newspapers are selected by a person then cnbiicism had hke yourmsclf who weites his say this bec ause | the come to apposite conclusion to the one that burns you up Tve been thinking that even the Amencan clection cows had not burtbed 8» tremendous amount of Coverage Ubat has been given te Canadinn WANT it seems to available in abun I suppose there are of interests If you Canadian news, me oil as dance some sort statistics available about this sort: of wondenng we are doing but I don't know where one would get yoctive assessment turn lo an ob Thinking from the heart and soul QUESTION: Do you think | should “come oat of the closet"? 1 want to and | don't wantto. STEWART: When you want don t do something you are weighed to and want bo down pretty heavily Slow down Think Pay attention to what you want most in hfe Jom talking otwour YOU , ¢ ’ Vath Nhe-te ( leliely Ch ve > remove hair permanently cnmanum Of Odin ontort private c onsuflation by appotitrnenit facual lege ann Gnderarns What ate RESULTS yourself with all your heart and soul” I[t Nd want the you foor is mot casy lo clear away from your mind everything but the END RESUL ES you are deeply longing for but give at your best Geta clear puture of YOU as you want to be and go after all Uhe help you can ino matenahwing Chat oie ture Coerene tg Pua tinets anit ame biti) ee yedarcrwes ATTRACTIVE RATTAN PEEL kiss. I think your mom and you will work things out O.K. It would be a pretty good idea for you to tell her how you feel — or perhaps even show her your letter and my reply to you. I'll het she would talk things over with you and everyone would understand better. 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