Hay den Stewart women Counsellor Freelance Hayden Stewart may be. reached at 261-6242 for appointments for individual, family or group counselling. new office in the Plaza His - International Hotel fopen Tuesdays—only)--is - for - convenience of North. Shore residents. Youth suffers growth pains QUESTION: I. guess 1 could be called a bit square. ’ I'm not really any trouble to my folks. Pm 16 and their second son. The thing that’s troubling me is that even though I am not into things that worry them, my parents are very skeptical of any effort I make to be a little bit independent. I want to decide more things for myself, but they get bugged by this. Even if the thing Is something they like, they seem to want to take it out of my hands and make the decision theirs, instead of mine. How can I ever grow up without having a rumpus? Why don’t want to oppose them, I just want to start being my own person more and more. STEWART: For hundreds of generations there has been difficulty over kids and parents finding it hard to agree on WHEN or HOW the kids should ‘‘grow up”’ Some kids get a taste for independence quite young, and some scem never to want to learn to be on their own. Some parents hurry the kids’ independence and some parents oppose it. Your are to be admired for not wanting a hassle, but you may have to be pretty firm in convincing your parents to trust your efforts in emerging as a man of your own, Be strong. but as graceful as possible! “QUESTION: ‘QUESTION: In answer to the lady asking, ‘“Where have all the gentlemen gone?”’ I am a .. divorced man in my early 40s ’ and have lived i in North Van _ for a year.. _ Talso find the single scene — very frustrating. By that I mean, ‘‘where have all the ladies gone?”’ Where do you find a lady for an evening of dining out, dance, Sunday Four or five years ago a friend of mine had a poster you wrote in her den. We talked about it at the time and there was something about it that appealed to me. Of course, 1 have forgotten the wording and my friend has moved away, but I'd like to get a copy. Any chance? I'm not really positive that you wrote it because I remember ithad Fritz Peris’ name on it too. STEWART: I wrote it all right, but, because part of it had been inspired by Perls, | 4 Manipulation doesn’t work QUESTION: How do you deal with other pevuple’s expectations of you? STEWART: 1 believe 1! usually give them thoughtful consideration.” Sometimes 1 want to ‘‘come through’’ with what they are expecting of me and sometimes I don't want to. If they seem to me to want 10 manipulate me for their own ends, I'm afraid I get a mite stolid. If they want to change me into a sort of person, or into a way of life that doesn’t fit what I feel at home with, then I just go on my merry way. If they obviously feel sorry for me, or sad abou my life style. or concerned for my welfare, | am touched and grateful, yet not always impressed by the expecta- tions themselves. I am grateful for the concern of such people, but recognize that fam the one who needs to feel content with my life. lam satisfied with my life. because I know there is much more for me to discover and to become, but most of the time 1] am_ content= and therefore not a prime candi- date for other people's expectations. Who’s Doug Collins? QUESTION: Did you hear Doug Collins talking about Margaret Trudeau on TV last weeh? And If so, what did you think about It? , STEWART: I'm rather selective about my TV and radio —s participation, — and therefore, of course, | hear Collins very litte. 1 think | have heard him three times. fach time he warned me not tolet him spoil my week-end. fam taking his advice drives or walks? I tried the singles dance scene and that was not my style. I like the old-fashioned way of phoning a lady, making a date, pick her up, have an enjoyable evening, take her home. I would like to meet: the lady who wrote the letter. STEWART: You added your number. to your letter, added, under my signature, ‘“With dpologies to Fritz Peris’’. Here it is: What does it mean - “*] do my thing and you do your thing’’? True, Iam not in this world to fulfill your hungers and hopes, nor to meet your needs. And, true again, you are not in this world to meet mine. ’ Yet, when you GIVE to me, without expectations, 1 see joy in your eyes. When I give to YOU without expectations, I know joy in myself. Jeff Perri -- carrier of the week Jett and his brother Greg share a large paper route in the Lower Lonsdale-East area of North Vancouver. The Zone Manager, Madetaine Leroy. tells us these industrious boys have built thelr own go-cart to carry the large load of Newspapers. Jett and Gregg are very active in sports. on Satur- days they’re playing soccer for the Burdett team and they usually spend the rest of the weekend skiing or camping. Their hobbies include model building; Greg builds cars and Jeff, airplanes Madelaine says Jett isn't satisfied with models. He wants to join the Air Force and get involved with the real thing For the good job delivering the News for two and a half years, we're sending both of you Famous Players Gitt certificates Circulation 986-1337 1139 Lonsdale Ave., North Vancouver suggesting that if 1 heard from the lady, I could give her your number. I'd really not like to get into that. If you are pleased with your way of relating to a ‘ady’’, don’t waste energy by calling it old-fashioned. It is current and up to date - for YOU - and you.are the one to - feel good about it. apologies to Fritz Perls You are you - and J am I. And when I give myself to you, in love I become more aware of my Ss ness. When you give yourself to me, in love I become more aware of YOUR SELFness. You are you and I am I, but now you are MORE you and Iam MORE f. As we keep finding our SELVES, it is beautiful. - And as we keep finding each other’s SELF, it is even more beautiful. Moreover, we know - both of us - it has very little to do with chance. north shore new Page 31, March 11, 1979- Sunday News . Lady with QUESTION: I would like to comment on the letter from the woman who. wondered where all the ‘‘gentlemen *’. have -gone. She feels that she’s being used if a man wants to go to bed with her, yet she doesn’t seem to think that she is trying to use THEM to get Presents and dinners, etc.! Has she tried suggesting fun things to do that are relatively inexpensive {not every guy has money to throw around] or inviting a man to her place for dinner? ore h est one way vision The men who don’t take her to‘‘nice places”’ probably have a good sense of self-worth and refuse to be *tused”’ for what they can . give her instead of being . liked for what they are. Pm afraid I kind of got my back up at thaf woman’s whiney attitude. I felt she had one-way vision regard- ing who was using whom. STEWART: Thanks for your comments. PLAY RACQUETBALL AND SQUASH NOW! THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN JOIN FOR AS LOW AS $250. (plus monthly dues) Lions Gate's economical squash and racquetball membership iS designed for families that want to keep fit and active, and have a good time doing it! Here's some of the features of the Lower Mainland’s finest indoor racquets club: @ No court fees for squash & racquetball @ Beautiful viewing lounge @ Lockers with saunas @ Nursery @ Use of indoor & outdoor tennis courts during the summer months @ Resident pro offering lessons & clinics @ Matches arranged & tournaments organized @ Asocial program for meeting new friends @ All facilities open now @ Convenient location — off Upper Levels & Capilano For more information on this or other great Lions Gate memberships call 980-5734 Christine or Sylvia will be pleased to arrange a visit to the club LIONS GATE LJ RACQUETS CLUB 1185 West 26th Street, North Vancouver 980-5734