THE HUSBAND, homeowner and de facto handyman reads with mixed delight and dismay that at least two American building supply chains, including the giant Home Depot, plan to enter the local market. While more competition should mean lower prices, the existing Lumberland and Beaver Lumber outlets are more than mere hard- ware supermarkets; they are his secret retreats, cavernous For- tresses of Solitude — places he can go when he needs to go somewhere and going to the pub can only get him into more trou- ble. - His Beloved Spousal! Unit, a fan of. the TV comedy Hometime, is an even bigger fan of Norm (pro- nounced Nawm) Abrams and New Yankee Workshop on PBS. . Every time Norm. produces ' another masterpiece of the wood- worker’s art from his multi- By John Moore Contributing Writer million-dollar state-of-the-art barn-sized and radiant heated workshop, she gives him The Withering Look, which says, “Why don’t you do that?” “He can’t even talk properly,” the husband quibbles, mocking Norm’s New England accent. ‘‘He says ‘draws’ instead of drawers.” “He can buiid a chest of draw- ers,’’ she replies, getting The Last Word. It is moments like these, or when she initiates a conference on f ind- boggling to observe the depths ‘of dai _ Dear ‘Editor: , ‘On my many walks that have taken me across Cleveland Dam and down the west-side trails to Park Royal, I always stop and : lance over the top of the dam. it is always a pleasure to stop . and: enjoy the breathtaking view and watch the water spill over the ~ dam and down the spillway. Recently I. observed three “municipal street signs lying at the bottom of the concrete spillway —. ‘the kind with the vattery-powered round yellow light that flashes to “passing motorists during road ‘construction, and so on. Obviously some . vandals have been up to ‘their decades-old “tradition’? of hurling objects to » the bottom of the dam. . Over many years I have noticed 'a variety of items appear at the ‘bottom of the spillway .and they include: a washing machine or “stove, skateboards, numerous bicycles, car parts of various ‘“description;, and even a_ grey Canada Post’ mailbox. which ! hope had no mail in it. : "1 feel sorry for the parks people “who must have to go to some risk ‘A vandalism to collect these items. 1 also feel that this sort of reckless, sick vandalism should somehow be policed more closely and prevented. Some of these objects are very heavy and obviously require sev-: _ eral individuals te hurl them over the edge. On their way down they pick up’ speed and ‘must gouge healthy chunks of concrete out of the spillway. Hurling items like this can also contribute to structural weakening of the concrete spillway and over a period of time may prove a threat to the stability of the dam. Even though a washing machine or mailbox may seeni small it can still pack a whallop when it goes rocketing down the spillway! It is mind-boggling to what lengths the human spirit will go in order to achieve the highest goals : in life such as hurling a washing: machine over a dam. ! Frankly 1 can think of a lot safer and more meaningful things to do in life. . T.E. Peck ; } Vancouver ' ~ Desperate splash before poll Dear Editor: : ‘North Vancouver District coun- cillor Janice Harris must be des- perate to make a splash in these final weeks before , municipal voters troop to the polls. Why: else would she criticize Lynn Valley’s beautiful wave pool? . The councillor appears to favor four nearly identical facilities, each five to seven minutes apart TREN BAXTER [LAWYER | 124 Years | Experience — yes siree, a boffo use for public dollars, In case Ms. Harris hadn't con- sidered it, those of us who five in the Highlands, Seymour and’ the Lonsdale area are the ones who commute — to the wave pool. ; Go soak your head, Ms. Harris. You’re all wet. Nicole Parton North Vancouver LONSDALE QUAY NORTH VANCOUVER 988-6321 F : INSIC Friday, September 17, 1992 - North Shore News ~ 7 he Fortress of Soliti the division of houschold labor while he is up to his tool-belt in another unexpectedly escalating “home improvemient’’ project, that cause him to bolt with a wave of the truck keys: ‘Just off to Lumberland, honcy. Gotta get some convertible Teflon rebar to install this crown moulding, darn it all.” Free at last! Free to wander the long aisles, breathing the sharp spicy scents of exotic unfinished woods; free to muse upon the ar- cane purposes of expensive, in- genious tools he cannot imagine needing; free, above all, to restore his perspective on the trying tasks at home by contemplating the in- finite variety of vastly more dif- ficult projects he has sensibly not undertaken. , He is not alone. The aisles are full of peacefully perambulating husbands, pretending to ponder the prices of superfluous hard- ware. He regularly encounters friends and acquaintances. For example, the North Shore News book columnist meets the cultural affairs columnist of The Vancouver Sun, a journal to which the former occasionally contributes, in the tool department of Beaver Lumber. Do they begin an animated discussion of literature, the cultur- al impact of NAFTA, the emasculation of the CBC? They do not. They talk tools. Discovering they both possess the same make and model of cordless rechargeable reversing, drill/driver, they i improvise rhapsodic poems in its praise. The Sur columnist is consider- ing the purchase of a packaged array of drill/driver bits so exten- sive it appears to be capable of dismantling and reconfiguring most of the known physical uni- verse. The North Shore News coluim- nist endorses the purchase hearti- ly, with a touch of what both their Beloved Spousal Units would no doubt dismiss as sublimated penis-envy. Much later, at the Windsor Plywood services desk, some fool drops the dreaded name of Norm Abrams. ““Nawm!’' one poor chap sobs bitterly. ‘‘The other night my wife whispered, ‘Nawm’ as we were, you know ..,”’ Snarling i impotent- ly, we all hug him in a frenzy of male bonding. A tip to the local building- supply outfits: get the jump on the American interlopers by opening a small coffee bar, or better still, apply for an in-store pub licence. With a paper bag of purely symbolic ironmongery in hand, Mr. Fixit heads home at last ... to help with the vacuuming. Thanked by his chagrined Spousal Unit, he quips, ‘I just want you in a good mood, so I can get into your draws.’? And ducks. Look, Kit’ Campbell Tn so excited. ; arent _ canadian Eeorromy | ny R.V. REPAIRS PARTS, SALES ‘AND RENTALS « Complete service facility’ ¢1.C.B.C. claims welcomed GO WEST YOUR NORTH SHORE RV CENTRE 987-8537 1577 LLOYD AVE. NORTH VANCOUVER tochind Capilano Mail) Learn to Compost! Saturday, Sept. 18, 10 am - 3 pm Have all your composting questions answered at the North Shore's Compost Demonstration Gardens. Come to Park & Tilford Gardens, or visit West Van's Demonstration Garden at 15th and Argyle, and receive free wildflower seeds while quantities last!