40 - Sunday, May 5, 1991 - North Shore News LIFESTYLES | Friend’s invitation leaves the hosting to the guests DEAR MISS MANNERS — Some married friends who live with another couple have invited my partner and me to their house for a party — but with certain conditions. The phone message I received instructed us to ‘‘bring your own everything,’’ not to bring red wine as i¢ might stain the carpet, not to bring any friends because it was a select gathering, and to bring $5 each to help pay for the carpets to be cleaned. 1 realize that we are in a reces- sion, Miss Manners, but do you think this is an appropriate way to entertain? The hosts both have excellent jobs in television and market research, while many of their friends are at school or be- tween jobs. I might add that they are moving in two months and are probably required to clean the carpets before they move from their rented town house. GENTLE READER — How did you manage to classify this event as entertainment? You have been assigned to bring in some household money and to provide your own luach pail during the task. And if that isn’t entertaining enough, you have also been scold- ed for carelessness that. you have not yet had a chance to commit. You need not have bothered to mention the taskmaster’s jobs in erder to convince Miss Manners of their vulgarity. Graciousness and financial resources have nothing to do with one another. Hospitality consists of generously sharing what one has, however humble it may be, not of ex- ploiting others in however grand a setting. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I am devastated. Five months ago my husband, a respected cor- porate VP, abandoned me and our beautiful seven-year-old daughter. The story is old: He ran off with his childhood sweetheart after meeting her once again at their 30th high-schcol reunion. Words cannot come close to describing the trauma my daugh- ter and 1 continue to go through. Ours was an ideal family life until NAME Upper Deck High Series ADRESS the husband and father we love slid from socisi drinking to func- tional alcoholism. Counseling now shows me that I am a co-depen- dent, but that with hard work 1 can pick myself up and become healthy again. Our daughter, too, is receiving professional help. wudith Martin MISS MANNERS Stability and security for my daughter are my prime concern. 1 have hopes of remaining in our family home until we are ready to leave. | have been holding my head up while living in a goldfish bow!, as our community has a population of less than 2,000. Although my husband’s actions are no reason for me to be ashamed, old habits die hard. The family “secret’’ was kept so well by all of us. My husband and — as he puts it to me — his ‘‘sophisiicated lady” have been living in a neighboring towr since the day he left. He has made it ruthlessly clear that he wants to live with her in our family home and send me and our daughter off to pasture somewhere. As part of his pressure tactics, they have now decided to move to some property CARDS NEW ARRIVAL! e399 Or $3/PACK See our huge selection of packs or complete sets including wax packs from 1982 g AVAILABLE AT: THREE WAY TOWN PANTRY Win a replica of the 1927 World Series starting line- t up and team pitcher of the New York Yankees and ‘ Pittsburg Pirates. Fiil in entry and drop off to THREE WAY TOWN PANTRY. $7 or (set) we jointly own, about a mile down the road. I have retained an excellent at- torney, have a good = support system of family and friends, and am trying to put faith in a power greater than myself. My sense of humor heips, although it surfaces less often than I would like. How do I answer the boors who ask me, “How can you stay here?’’ implying that I should be so ashamed that I would leave with my tail between my legs. And what is the proper way to act when I meet the ‘‘sophisticated lady’’ (as I no doubt will) ia our one and only grocery store or on the street? My self-esteem is at a low poirt right now. GENTLE READER — On the contrary, Miss Manners considers there to be no higher sign of laudable self-respect than the determination to behave well in adversity. (You will forgive her if she eschews the term ‘‘self- esteem,’ since it is now often us- ed for a sort of self- congratulatory cockiness unrelated to esteem-producing achievements or virtues.) Your legal and psychological problems being in the hands of people in those fields, Miss Man- ners will confine herse!f to the etiquette aspects of the situation. The key thing to remember here is that your dignity is in your own hands. If your husband and his so-called lady behave in an un- dignified manner, or if your neighbors do, by making unpleas- ant remarks, the rudeness is theirs, not yours. The way to deflect their carbs is not to return them but to refuse to accept them. Miss Manners does not lightly recommend eti- quette’s extreme weapon of cut- ting people dead, but this couple seems to qualify for that measure. If you meet them, simply walk away. A lesser measure will do for boorish busybodies. You can recognize them without recogniz- ing their intrusions, which should be met with calm silence. PHONE [Your Town I Pump. THREE WAY TOWN PANTRY 660 W. 3rd at Keith Rd. North Van 980-1791 Ta wa Hutt Suppor t Services are just a day away + Total range cf nursing services + Services available 24 hrs a day 7 days a week + Call today, for service or employment opportunities Branches throughout B.C. Victona 383-4668 Prince Geerge 564-4442 Norn Shore 431 Surrey Abdpotstora 850-9070 Kelowna 862-9245 NORTH SHORE 987-2445 403-1124 Lonsdale Ave., five N. Vancouver V7! com M 3U5 Regional Office: 302-1620 West 8th, Vancouver V6J 1V4 731-9233 North Shore Caregivers Support Society A Series of Evening Workshops for Family Caregivers Six Thursday evenings May 9 - June 13, 1991 at: Suite 8 - 103 West Third Screet, North Vancouver LOVING OURSELVES conta WHO CARES FOR Jenniter Shifrin aSc, M.Ed., M.A. THE CAREGIVER? Registered Clinical Counsellor Bev Abbey, 8Sc., M.Ed. incomplete} Thursday May 9 Certitied Bio-Energetic 0 7:00 pm - 9:00 p.m. 700 oy y May 3 HOW TO ACCESS HELP WHEN COMMUNICATING | tom the NORTH SHORE WITH YOUR LOVED ONE HEALTH UNIT {S DIFFICULT ... Diane Scrivener, R.N., BS.N. Sandy Lumsden, a.s.w, Case Manager, Long Term Care Social Worker, Evergrewn House, North Shore Heaith Unit Lions Gate Hosolta: 7hursday May 16 7iursday June 6 7:00 pm - 9:00 7:00 9:00 LIVING WITH LOSS, Experienced While Caregiving Dorothy Stanwood, A.sw. Grief Counsellor, Realty Therapist Thursday June 13 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm WHAT'S A TRIANGLE? AM LIN ONE? Rev. Don Robertson Minister, Highlands United Church Thursday May 23 7:00 pm - 9:60 pm You are weicome to altend individual sessions at $5.00 each. Please pre-register. Calt 983-2141. To register please complete this form and return it with your $15.00 registration fee to: NORTH SHORE CAREGIVERS SUPPORT SOCIETY, Suite 8 - 103 West Third Street, North Vancouver, V7M 1E7. Name: Address: Postal Code: Day Phone: The funding for this series is provided by N.S. Union Board of Health | 5th Annual Concert Sat., May 11, 1991 7:30 p.m. — Centennia! Theatre East 23rd at Lonsdale, North Van Tickets $7.00 Available at Centennial Theatre 984-4484 Baha’i Book Store 1070 W. Broadway dppearing 731-8199 Airican bleriage (Musici Arrows to Freedont (Native Dancing) Carla Baker (Vocalist) Carolos Cortes & Huge Gueman South American Musicians foste Debaat (South Paciic Ouncers: An evening of entertainment to promote unity 19 diversity Proceeds trom this concert go towards costs only