28 - Wednesday, April 27, 1988 -

North Shore News

SAFE SEX IN THE ‘80s

Asking about history shouldn't offend

Q. HOW DO you ask peo-
ple about their sex or drug-
use history without. offen-
ding?

__ A. If you have a good reason to
ask, then it is-up to the other per-
son to take your question in a rea-
sonable spirit. Who has a right to
ask? .I think a prospective
employer has a right to ask about
drug use. A doctor or
psychotherapist or social worker
has the right to ask about cither.
The person getting asked can’t ex-
pect help from these people
without: supplying pertinent in-
formation. But you.are thinking
about something much more per-

sonal - asking someone you arc’

considering having sex with. Either
in the near future or after quite a
. while, such as a long engagement.
In the present era, no: responsi-
ble person has the right to be of-
fended if a prospective sex partner
asks either of your - questicns.
Either a dmug-user or a pro-
miscuous person, or even a person
who has had only a few sexual ex-
periences but had those carelessly,
is a threat to the health of prospec-
tive lovers, If both of you are con-
sidering cach” other as lovers. or
future. mates,. questions: about ‘sex
history or drug use are absolutely
in order. If anybody gets offended,
that is a bad sign.
I feel sure that your problem is

that you don’t want to scare away.

an attractive or interesting person.
Or you are dying to know the
answers to these questions (natural
' enough) but don't. want to make
Somebody, mad by being nosy. If
you don’t have some real prospect
” of sharing part of life with this
other. person, if this other person
has never given you good signs of
being interested, then you have no
- Fight to.ask ‘these questions. : You
can go ahead and-ask, and you can

should give up on a man alt some
point if he absolutely refuses to
consider your sexual needs, and
won't talk or listen to you on the
subject.

Q. Why is it that men reach their
peaks at 18 and women in their
30s?

A. I suppose you mean their
peaks in sexual desire and perfor-
mance. You have heard something
handed down from the Kinsey
Reports, which were very surpris-
ing in their day and are now bcing
turned, in idle conversation, into
all kinds of misleading. pseudo-
fact.

When the Kinsey findings first
came out, a lot of guys who prided
themselves on being mature and’
able lovemakers were really sore.
The last thing they.wanted to hear
was that mere boys were better
lovers ‘than ,“‘real men."’. But that

expect to be told. to mind your own 4

- business.

But if you have been: asked out .

several times, if a pattern of doing

_ things ° ‘together ‘has ° developed, -if. e
“you have been ‘sweet-talked or in--
vited'to hug and kiss‘or go.to. bed, .

then before accepting the. invita-

tion: you have’.to:;have a: talk.”

Sometimes, : nowadays, people do

say.“‘You don’t” trust ‘me. You:
think 1 am a lowlife: ‘You. have’ ‘of-;

» that ‘person: be offended and let oo

him go on his way. :

Nowadays, ‘to be asked. “certain

< personal history. questions “can be

- taken as flattering because it shows |

the other percun’is interested. And

. it can. be taken as:a'sign that the :
question-asker « is. . sensible’ cand:
‘well-informed about: sex. in), the -

present era,.and that often. adds a
lot to this person’s attractiveness.

Q. Should:s girl continue sceing
a guy if he ‘doesn’t give her. an
orgasm? . °

‘A. My answer is yes -if you are.

interested in him, attracted to him;
like him, admire him, love him.
- Because a man who does not give

you an orgasm now will do so in.

was not what the information
meant. Ht seems to be statistically
true that most guys in their Jate
teens are having, or are capable of
having, more orgasms, more

ask
Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer

ejaculations, than Jater on in life.
This is the isolated fact that you
are talking about,

However, few males of 17 or 18
are as understanding or skilled in
making love as a good lover who is
somewhat older. In human sex-
uality, it is not the frequency of
erections or of ejaculations that a
good male lover is measured by,
but his desirability plus his wanting
to please and knowing how to do

_it. And-most good male lovers are
really best with female partners
they have been with for a while. I
am not saying that there are no ac-
complished lovers of 18. And if
you Jove an 18-year-old male, then
he is the male for you, and he will

‘DISC BRAKE

6925]

\Orum brakes, 56.95.9

lueathersmat2 70°

@ Polyester and steel radial with

a ‘Sample savings:

Tire size

HW P185/70R13-
“i P185/70R14
P205/70R14
P225/70R15'
" P235/70A15

| NO CHARGE
REPLACEMENT HE

the future if you" take: the trouble : 1

to teach him how. :
For .a number of years” now,
2 women, have -been told that they

“should ‘take charge of their. own”. _-
orgasms and not expect ‘men: to Feo"
‘supply them. That may be a little ,

». strong, and it may not give the

a man “enough: importance in- the : }
“transaction, | but even a hero can’t .

‘a, woman who is
‘resisting them./ bi
When: a “woman: does not have
re mj: ‘it is ‘usually because she

North Vancouver
Capliano Mall 988-6311
935 Marine Drive,
North Vancouver

teat looks,
175/70R12,

a wide tread and

eo Sale, ea.

LIFESTYLES

get better as a lover with time, no
matter how good he may be now.

If a woman is sexually more ac-
tive or a better lover at 35 than at
20, it may be that she is going
through fewer growing-up pro-
blems and can give herself to cach
thing in life more effectively. Cer-
tainly this is to be hoped for, that

Premium quality Beautyrest

bedding sets now
HALF PRICE.

human beings get better at living as
the years pass. [ don’t like to
characterize any age 2s the height
of sexual pleasure, because this
pleasure is subjective. Less sex at
70 may be more pleasant than a lot
of sex was at 40. A better relation-
ship and calmer mind may make it

HURRY...LIMITED OFFER

COLONY.

HOME FURNISHINGS -”
1075 ROOSEVELT CRES., N.VAN. [eed «ffl

(2 biks behind the Avalon Hotel) AMPLE

OPEN EVERYDAY .__
FRI 9-9, SUN 12-4

SERVICE

2 wheels. Most cars and dilight trucks
© Install new disc pads
§ * Resurtace rotors
B ¢ Repack tront whee!
* inspect calipers .
W « Check brake hardware, hoses and tines
* Inspect master cylinder .
¢ Road test vehicle .

f° Metallic pads extra
° > Additional parts and iabour extra

Power "Force 80

Battery

§25 cold
cranking
amps. Samp ple
saving: F
are ion

gi7

Hours:

Mon:, Tues., ‘Wed.
Thursday and Friday
Saturday

Sunday

9:3
:3

Valvoline
* 10W30 |

Motor Oil}

7’ All-climate motor oil.
Bottle.

449

‘AUTO. SHOP

NOW OPEN
BAM.

_MON.-SAT.

0 Al
OA
00 A
:00 Al

PARKING

Bottle | |

SIMMONS [a

985-8738

FREE

SPRING |
CLEANING)

ELECTROLUX |
FILTER *
QUEEN

COMPACT
KIRBY.

* Hoover -
» Panasonic
» Sears 7

¢ Euraka «
© Baycrest
¢ Viking ©