34 - Wednesday, July 10, 1985 - North Shore News Enteriaining ambassadors EAR MISS MAN- D NERS — My hus- band and I are occa- sionally invited to social events at the homes of hosts fer above our social status — his boss for example. Typically, these are intimate dinner parties attended by a sprinkling of Big Names — a member of Congress, an am- bassedor and wife — you get the picture; and we are the youngest present, by a decade. In a democracy, there are few people of exalted rank who have never been per- sonally familiar with modest circumstances. Therefore, you entertain as nicely as you can, given your facilities and resources. The only essential point to remember is never to apologize for the way you live, Notice, however, that Miss Manners mentioned polite society, which is miss by Judith Martin We'd like to reciprocate, especially for those hosts who invited us more than once. However, we're not sure the limited facilities in our small basement apart- ment (we cven have folding dining-room chairs) would be suitable for entertaining guests accustomed to oak dining tables, cocktails by the pool, and cognac by the fireplace. What is the polite response to such a situation? ‘Is it. rude not to invite our hosts. over, or is discretion the better part of valor? GENTLE READER — In polite society, people are supposed to socialize for the sake’ of being. with other - ‘people, rather than with oak dining tables or even by or in swimming pools. Youth and poverty are therefore no ex- cuse for failing to reciprocate. For that matter, am- bassadors are always pro- fessing to be anxious to see how the real people of the country live; by “real,’’ they mean the sort of people who don’t entertain ambassadors. It iz entirely possikle that others, too, will bz charmed.: -your something different from — well, not rude society, but business society. That is because you described some of these events as being given by your boss, at which your position may well be slightly different. Those who do large-scale business entertaining often draft presentable junior staff members for social duty. Although technically you at- tend such a party as an equal with the other guests, the fact is that you may be treated with less formality — invited to fill in at the last minute, for example — and expected to do social duty, such as amusing a difficult guest rather than anyone who just happens to appeal to you. If such is your position at boss’s parties, you must thank him as any guest would, but you need not reciprocate. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My fiance lives on the East Coast and I on the West. We plan to have a small church wedding in California, with handwritten invitations to those who can attend, engraved announcements to friends and relatives in the Midwest anc East. Immediately after, we will move back East, and my fiance would like to have another wedding in Maryland that his family and friends can attend, after we are settled and have time to plan it. 1 would prefer a reception only, but this is important to him. Should these people receive announcements and then invitations to the se- cond ceremony or reception? Should a reception card be enclosed with the an- nouncements, so they know there will be some sort of gathering? How would it be worded? GENTLE READER — Go- ing to take your show on the road, are you? When Miss Manners began noticing people choosing their wed- ding attendants for unifor- mity of looks, like a chorus line, and looking for backers, she suspected that the next thing would be touring companies. Miss Manners urges you, as does your own instinct, to have one wedding, and merely a reception at another location. A wedding is a solemn ceremony. 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Send wedding invitations to those closest to you emo- tionally, ignoring geographical limitations. It is up to them, not you, to decide whether they want to make the trip. Others receive announcements. Then, sepa- rately and at the appropriate time, invite both sets of people who live on the East Coast to the East Coast reception, For those who can’t at- tend either event, you can offer to sell the album. (Miss Manners ought to know bet- ter than to joke like that.) CONTINUES WITH FURTHER REDUCTIO ON ALL CLOTHING & ACCESSORIES UP TO 60% OFF South Granville 2658 S. Granville (at 10th Ave.) Park Royal South Mall