Best places to meet | ;

From pane 15

school f stopped worrying.

It really ts true, that out of
sight is out of mind. [ts just
too bad that vou cant always
control whar's in and oui of
your sight.

Like your ex-husband’s
girlfriend, for example. } ran
into my ex-busband’s girl-
friend on the weekend. Naw
it’s not like Mm pining away
for the old boy, but Fd rather
not have to run into his girl-
triend when ['m not ready for
ic either.

And of all places to come
upon the lovely voung thing,
it was at La Senza, the lingerie
store. Now you might wonder
what an old broad like me is
doing in a youthful lingerie
store. Well, [ had a little
gaunchie shopping to do, and
La Senza’s as good a place as
any for gaunchies.

Thank heaven a couple of
lirde girls who used to be my
neighbours came up to me at
almost exactly the same time
and I was relieved of having to
make painful small talk with
the girlfriend.

T mean, what do you say to
the new little miss in | the old
man’s life when you're sur-
rounded by sexy underwear? I
could have given her a few tid-
bits of advice, like “You know,

. my husband always fancied the
look of the long line heavy
cotton brief§ on a woman.”
Or, “Why don’t you try some
of the maternity underwear. I
wore them for 15 vears and
they drove the old bov wild
with desire.” As it was, I sim-
ply said hello to her, then
turned to have a litle catch-up
with the girls. [ just couldn’t
handle the idea of knowing
anything at all about her
underwear shopping habits.

I ran into the girltriend by
accident once at the old family
home too. I'd snuck back to
reclaim the big red drill, and
even though I'd called in
advance and assumed because
there was no answer that no
one was home, both the ex
and the new dish were there. I
walked in, and there she was,
marching “sround with a load
of clean laundry in her arms.
All the duvets were out airing
on the deck, and it looked like
she was doing a major house
cleaning.

It was very awkward, but
later, when Thad time to get
philosophical about it, I felt
tremendously comforted to
know that there’s someone
taking care of the man, P'm
certain he really missed that
the years we were married.

Naturally, [ had to discuss
the meetings with a few
friends who also have ex-hus-
bands, and we determined
that there really are very few
situations where running into
your ex-husband’s yirlfriend
would be OK. Just for fin,
I'm sharing thens with you
today.

1 would be totally comtort-
able running into my hus-
band’s girlfriend on the side of
the read with a flat tire.
Likewise, fd have no trouble
running into the gal if she was
in the front ofa long line at
the grocery store and her Visa
had just been rejected.

I wouldn't have any prob-
lem ac all running into the
girlfriend ata Weight Watchers
meeting, or coming out of the
confession booth at church.

I'd actually enjoy running
into the girltriend if | were
'

Feta |

wee :

dropping my aunt off ar the

Electrolysis clinic and the gurl

friend was just coming out

fre wn her SOIT APP aNtinent.
And Id be just tine iff

met her in the drugstore with

a load of hemorrhoid suppesi

tories and perhaps some fungi-

cides in her shopping cart.

1 probabiy sound like P'm a

bitter old ex-wite. But Pm
nor, T promise. TCs just that
when a marriage decsn’t work
out, there are a lot of things
to adjust te. And the hus-
band’s girlfriend thing is one
of the biggies. Pn sure she’s
nice as pie, but Pd rather she
bought her underwear in
another town, thank you very
much.

Like they say, out of sight,
is out of mind.

— shannonn@relusnet

Wednesday. September 20, 2000 - North Shore News - 17

_ (wing

2 CRRA e TS TR ae

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It’s brutal out there. Freezing weather.
Blistering heat. Black flies. And that’s

just the nice parts.

Here you are, in the middle
of it all. Hopefully, with one
thing at your side. A Globalstar
satellite phone.

It's the most powerful phone you
carry. To talk, just take it outside

raise the satellite antenna. The phone

works virtually everywhere.

It’s light, compact and easy to carry.

quality is crisp and clear. No delays. So
if there’s ever any echo, it probably
has more to do with the fact that you’re

standing in a river canyon.

A peek at horticultural heaven |

B Gardens of Vancouver, by Collin Varner and Christine Allen, Raincoast Books, 192
pages, $49.95

THE frequent rainfalls and mild temperatures have made Vancouver an
ideal location for Canadian gardeners. It is a pastime that is embraced

by Vancouverites, who display their creations with pride on every side
street.

Gardens of Vancouver offers a tour of 26 outstanding gardens, all of them well-deserving, of
praise. Each location is featured in beautiful colour photos, with the words of the authors and
the quotes of the residents.

‘The added value comes in the form of the well-illustrated drawings showing the property and
all the plantings. These detailed garden plans combine with the words and photographs to
give a complete view of the garden.

‘The gardens show: a wide variety of styles and influences. They range in size from enormous
estates to small courtyards. They show abundant natural growth or carefully controlled plant-
ings. The photographs pay little attention to the houses and allow the gardens to remain in
the spotlight, never overshadowed by the architecture.

These selected havens provide a glimpse of the horticultural heaven that is Vancouver.
— Terry Peters

If you should happen to find yourself in
the Tundra in the worst of conditions,
the phone goes down to 30-below.
It's tough and built to last. We’re
old- fashioned that way.

There’s a Hands-Free Car Kit. (Or
18-Wheeler Kit,
depending on how you look at it.) And

a Hands-Free
can it comes with one-touch speed-dial.
and Good for when you have to dial with

your nose.

To get yourself ane of these phones,
Call drop by at www.globalstar.ca or call
1-877-SAT-PHONE
(728-7466). Because even
in God’s country, it pays

to be prepared.

&
2 e
iB
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