4 ~ Wednesday, December 23, 1992 - North Shore News

Touch base with your tribe this Christmas

WE HAVE a struggle around the house every year over
Christmas. We are probably, as a modern family. not all
that unusual in this regard. Christmas is a high! con-

troversial festivity.

Our teenage son Will has long
since oulgrown Santa and is open-
ly contemptuous of the raw con-
sumerism of the annual convul-
sion of spending and parties and
rituals that falls under the heading
of ‘Yuletide holiday.’*

Will is on record as preferring
to fly south for a few days and
look for girls on a beach, rather
than putting up lights and a tree
and exchanging presents.

Intelligent kid.

Me, i’d just as soon ignore the
whole thing. Goof off for a few
days. Maybe do some kind of
nature trip. Read a few maga-
zines. Put the old mind in total
neutral and watch some TV. Try
to corner the old lady while the
kids are catching a video. Take
the phone off the hook. That sort
of thing.

The old lady. The truth is, my
beloved soul mate would as soon
lollygag around in the waterbed,
reading.

My two oldest kids, now adults,
approach Christmas gingerly, if at
allt. .

It seems to me, back when |
was living with their mother, an
avowed atheist, Christmas usually
got pretty weird.

The case could be made, of
course, that it was just me getting
weird, but somehow the festive
season had the effect, every year,
year after year, of driving me up
the tree.

Staunch atheists themselves, my
grown-up kids certainly don’t go
to church.

My oldest daughter goes along
with the social routine and sends
something fabulously tasteful,
while my oldest son refuses to ac-
knowledge the season in any way.

My daughter-in-law is a hard-
core New Ager. God knows what
they teach the granddaughter, if
anything.

So why do we do Christmas?

Partiaily it's for the same
reason we cut the lawn. [t’s easier
to go along with convention than
resist.

And partially it's because if we
don’t buy presents for someone,
we’re afraid the other person will

Bob
Hunter

STRICTLY PERSONAL

think we don’t love them, and
vice versa.

There’s another reason we do it,
of course. We do it because while
it is better to give than to receive,
it is worse by far to get without
having given.

That groan when the present
from aunt so-and-so is handed
over Christmas morning (the one
aunt you didn’t get something for)
is genuine.

It’s a pain — which is part of
the rap on Christmas: it serves up
equal parts of pain as well as joy,
even if only by reminding us of
who isn’t here any longer.

And no matter how much effort
you put into it, it’s nearly im-
possible to get it all perfect: an
exact balance between incoming
and outgoing gifts and cards, ac-
cording to rank, income, seniority
and degree of fanaticism.

At least, that’s what I guess it’s
all about, from a sociological
point of view, rather like a com-
pany picnic or a wedding or a
book-launching party. An effort
to sort out the pecking order.
Who stands in relation to whom?

I must admit J envy the tribes
of the Northwest for their
potlatch ceremony, a celebration
of clanness.

Of course, it is more than just
that. It is a determination of clan
status, clan place. A group know-
ledge, witnessed by all.

Whether it's your first,
fifth, tenth, or any
anniversary in between,
this year, tell her youd
marry her all over
again with a diamond
anniversary band
from Swedish Jeweler.

But, of course, as inclusive as it
is, it is also inherently exclusive.

And when [ say I *tenvy’* them,
[ also feel sorry for them. There's
a loss of personal autonomy in-
volved in being part of a tight-
knit tribe.

Another rap: Christmas is treb-
al. And smothering. It is one of
the few non-secular activities | get
sucked into every year.

I don't think I’m the only per-
son with a feeling of having been
manocuvred.

If you know the feeling, you'll
also know how it triggers a sense
of cyeball-rotling deja vu. Not
this again! Didn't we just do this?

Psychologists and an-
thropologists alike could have a
field day every year, if they
wanted, examining madern post-
Space-Age existentialist families
under pressure to celebrate an an-
cient Mideastern form of
mysticism centred around the
birth of a messiah.

In a secular society, we necd
unifying myths. Particularly in a
fragile nation-state like Canada
which is only nominally Christian,
at most.

But mainly we do it because
Emily insists.

Emily is eight years old.

If we even contemplated for a
minute the notion of not having
Christmas, Emily Bean, as we call
her (because she bounces around
all the time) would be so seriously
furious with the rest of us that
we'd never hear the end of it for
the rest of our lives. Beyond fury,
she would be utterly devastated.

It is as simple as that. Emily is

the representative of kidhood in
our home. !f can see how there's a
danger of everybody growing up

dependent-minded for a moment,
and just enjoy. Give. Think about
others. Touch base with your

tribe. Hug. Kiss. Shed . .ear or

and thinking we're too smart for
two. Love and be loved.

Christmas, we don’t need it.

Emily reminds us that we have
a divy to stop being so worldly
and intellectual and in-

Have a good one.

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