48 ~ Wednesday, December 5, 1990 ~ North Shore News LIFESTYLES Q. MY HUSBAND and I have been married for 16 years. We have two children, young teens. He is in his earty 50s and ¥ amin my early 30s. We have 2 pood marriage and have always had a good sex life, but lately something has been happening that worries me. He is faking orgasms. He doesn’t do this all the time, but fairly often now. After we've had intercourse for a while, his penis gets soft and he pretends to be in the throes of orgasm. I don't know how to handle this. I don't want to embarrass him by telling him 1 know what he’s doing. But what else can I do? Why is he faking? A. He's faking because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or disappoint you. Husbands and wives often take it personally when their partners don’t have orgasms. He doesn’t want you to think you're not 2 good lover. Still, you must talk to him about the problem because it is not something the two of you will be able to solve without help. Don’t say, “I know you're fak- ing.’” Rather say in a loving tone of voice, ‘Honey, I realize that aur lovemaking is not as it was. Let’s go see the doctor.”’ He should see a urologist, and your ‘amily doctor will recom- mend someone. If the urologist finds no physical cause for his problem, see a sex therapist together. It may simply be that he needs more or different kinds of stimv- lation to maintain an erection and reach orgasm now that he is older. You must take the initiative, because his faking is surely mak- ing him uncomfortable too. Q. I am a young woman who has oversized genitals. I know I am too big because I have seen pictures of women im men's mag- azines and I am bigger than they are. Also, my partners have com- mented on my size down there. I do have orgasms and have no problems with sex. Now I am in a new relationship that makes me happy, but I feet embarrassed about my body. Please teli me if there is anything The Perfect Christmas Giff! Feature-Length Travel Films narrated live by their producers North Vancouver Centennial Theatre 6:00 & 8:30 p.m. * AMERICA’S Favorite Places * PORTUGAL CHINA * GEZ2 sails NEW ZEALAND & AUSTRALIA 1 Film $12.25, Stu. $7.75 4 Films $31.00, Stu. $22.00 INCLUOES GST. TER, 1304 Hornby Si. into and Chargeline 280-4444 {single ticket prices subject to service charge) % Dr. Ruth Westheimer ASK DR. RUTH tcan do about it. A. What does your gynecologist say about the size of your genitals? Does she find any cause for concern? If not, don’t worry. You have orgasms and you are in arelationship. Be happy! Tell your partner who teases you that he is hurting your feel- ings. You don’t make comments about the size of his penis. He shouldn't make you feel bad by drawing attention to your genitals. Also, you should know that many women have made themselves unhappy by comparing their bodies to those of the cen- trefolds in men's magazines -- RICHMOND 4529 #3 AD. 273-9181 SURREY 10560 King George Hwy. 564-2929 NORTH VAN 710 W. 14TH 980-0551 DELTA 8065 120th St. 590-8226 533-4805 usband should go to a urologist and to the beauriful bodies in women’s magazines as well. We don't all look like those women, and we certainly don’t all took the same. Perhaps you are not as oversized as you think you are. Q. The bottom line is that my wife never wants sex when J want it. We've been together for 15 years. Wt's been a problem all through our marriage. 1 have talked to her about my feelings in this area. Once, after 3 long talk, we made passionate jove. Then things went back to the same — only doing it when she was horny. Another time { tried refusing ter. She was so mad, she didn’t approach me for weeks. She says women decide when to have sea, not men, Is that true for most marriages? A. Most men would like a woman to be the one who initiates sex. It sounds like your problem is that she doesn't initiate it often enough. No, it isn’t true that women should always decide when to have sex. There must be promise in marriage. Why don’t you try turning this into a game? Say, ‘‘Honey, (o- night it's my turn to initiate.” Then offer to do anything she wants as long as what she wants is sexual. com- 150 em Cotton Polyester BURNABY 7271 Gilley Ave. 430-8371 LANGLEY 19950 Willowbrook Dr. NS ZS SAAAMMMMNMIN $ WELOU 4 SNOSNANAAAAN AN ANANTH gg INTERNATIONAL CHRISTMAS CRAFT FAIR ST. DAVID’S UNITED CHURCH 1525 Taylor Way, West Vancouver Dec. 8, 11-5 p.m. Shop for exciting gifts fram B.C. and around the world. Tea Room — Entertainment — Psychic 263-2363 PARKE INTERNATIONAL 926-0109 X Leg looks you’Il love! WHY PAY 100” This men’s/women's Simplicity pattern can be mada with velour COQUITLAM LOUGHEED _ f , atti 2773 Barnet Hwy. 464-1918 22188 Lougheed Hwy. 463- 0067 4501 North Rd. 420-5016 ABBOTSFORD CHILLIWACK 32836 Ventura Ave. 46145 Yale Rd. 853-3396 _792-3378_| HANEY