A8 - Friday, August 31, 1984 - North Shore News a - ; | a ne way to avoid the all-party millenium HE CAPTAINS AND THE KINGS and clowns have not yet departed, but they’re now gasping their last words in this election, for which Allah be praised. But we’re not being critical. These affairs must be milked for whatever they’re worth. And we have not been lacking for laughs. Take the bum-patting, for instance. Where else in the world would a friendly pat on the bum become an election issue, causing scribes and commentators to run the tape in slow motion and look querulous at the dire deed through a magnifying glass? Where else would a prime minister have apologized for playing the wrong hand? Who could imagine a Maggie Thatcher apologizing for tap- Ping a party president on the bot? Did husky old Charlotte Whitton, now gone to God, apologize for patting an Ot- tawa alderman heavily on the jaw? She is probably giving lip to the saints right now. It is a sign of the decline of Canadian manhood that John Turner grovelled. | go further and say that if he had told that gang of harpies on the second TV debate to get lost, he’d have had the elec- tion in the bag. As things are, though, he’s in the bag. And 8 mailbox Dear Editor: Doug Collins’ article in Sunday’s News in regard to the candidature of [ona Cam- pagnolo, Liberal, for election to Parliament for North Vancouver-Burnaby was a beaut. It has taken me two days to get around to writing this letter because | haven't been able to stop laughing. What added additional pi- quancy to the article was that lona’s advertisement extoll- ing the benefits which would accrue to the people of North Vancouver-Burnaby was ad- jacent to it. Most heartily | hope she is not elected for, amongst other things, | would not want Doug to con- tract collywobbies. | should know because I get them Back to pool Weekend! Join us for a weekend of pool and amusements before school Starts — there will be lots of fun tor everyone! Beaux and Belles about to be buried. I told him what to do, but he wouldn’t listen. ‘‘John,’’ says I, ‘‘there’s nothing worse than a half-assed bum- patter.’’ Not that the Collins family has anything to boast about in the decorum field. My Sister arrived here from foreign parts soon after the contest started, and startled us one night when the news came an by collapsing with laughter. She was seeing Jean Chretien for the first time. He was making very excited with his funny mouth, and she thought he was trying to amuse us. I told her she was a very rude girl, that Mr. Chretien was a very nice Frog, and that no one in Canada would laugh at Aer foreign affairs guy if he came on the telly looking like that, we taking our politicians as seriously as they take themselves. One thing we can be sure about, since it is well known that politicians never lie, is that the millenium is coming. Each of the Three Musketeers (one for all, all x ‘Kick the Grits out’ every time I think of a Liberal being elected to Parliament from B.C. Actually, | cannot unders- tand how any citizen of British Columbia, having the good of this province, and of the country as a whole, for that matter, at heart can be a Liberal. Doug has given us some of the reasons why not to vote Liberal. Everybody knows them. Except the Liberals, that is. Sixty-seven years ago | voted at Chateau de la Haie on the Western Front behind Vimy Ridge for Sir Robert Borden, the Con- servative Party, an English. speaking government and conscription as against Sir Wilfred Laurier, a Liberal French-speaking government SNOOKER and AMUSEMENTS 137 E. 15th, N. Vancouver September 1.’ SONL Y bies 7 Days a week 980-9014 for one, don’t forget) has promised as much as anyone could wish for. That’s why I’m not going to end my elec- tion coverage by carping. get this Strai; 3 ht by Doug Gollins Pn Consider: Unemployment’s going to disappear. And if it’s not go- ing to disappear entirely, it will be as good as gone. Especially for young people. And if you elect Ed, it will be more gone than if you choose and no conscription. Sir Robert won and we won the ar. I have seen no reason since to change my politics, tell Doug that I am with him 100%. A vote for Turner would be more of the same that we have had for sixteen years, unbridled patronage and French not only on the corn flakes but taking the place of English as the na- tional language. I liked Canada as it was before the advent of ‘‘the jerk that ruin- ed the country.”” Kick the Grits out and we have a good chance of getting back to what we had then, a united country. W.T. Money West Vancouver Yiam 11pm either of the other experts. In the world of finance, too, the word will be miracle. They are all going to spend more without increasing the deficit. Not that that’s a big issue, because it seems that only two per cent of the peo- ple have ever heard of the deficit. So there’s no need to worry about it. It’s amazing, in fact, that anyone even bothers to mention it. Ed gets top marks again for having discovered a for- mula for finding money that is even better than printing the stuff. Tax the nich, he says. Tax the rich, says Brian. Tax the nich, says John. That’s what’s called na- tignal consensus, and it’s a worider that John, Brian and Ed haven’t been seen patting one another on the bum. I could find only one pro- mise that hasn’t been echoed by all three, and that is the Liberal one that the federal tax will be removed from For resérvations _ BALLOON RIDE HOT AIR BALLOON CHAMPAGNE FLIGHTS tampons and napkins. Not requiring such aids, however, I shall carry out my pledge of voting for Barrie Wall the Independent. That way, we can avoid the millenium. 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