4 - Sunday, February 28, 1993 - North Shore News One for the guys LISTEN, I don’t know how to say this politely, but to- day’s column is strictly for the guys. OK? I'm sorry, but I’ve got to com- municate mano a mano with just the guys every once in a while. It's a male thing. So, if you don’t mind, ladies...? Thanks very much. OK, guys. . What I wanted to talk about, real straight, is How To Deal With The Wife. That’s right, The Wife. The Old Lady. Her. She. Let’s face it, a lot of us have one. Even nowadays. Whatever the hell happened to the sexual revolution, anyway? Many of us, in fact, have had more than one (wife, that is), al- “though wher you get to the number of guys who’ve had more than two wives, you've entered the field of statistical rarity. A few Hollywood-based Othellos have had more than three, along with the occasional West Coast gentleman, but gener- ally speaking ours is an amazingly one-wifish (at the most iwo- wifish) civilization. The Modern Wife, you’ve got to understand, is a whole different kettle of fish than her mother or grandmother, and by the time you get to comparing her with her great-grandmother, you're talking about the pre-industrial world. No woman in the pre-industrial world, unless she was 3 qicen, had any of the king of power that a modern wife wields. OK, let me amend that. Many native societies were matriarchies. Otherwise, a woman's lot was pretty abysmal, historically speak- ing. Who in their right mind would want to be a woman living at any time during a thousand generations of patriarchy? . Yet listening to the news, you ‘. can*t help but get the impression that women are being assaulted and battered and abused more than ever. While I have absolutely no doubt that this is the sad case out in the rest of the world (meaning beyond the pale of liberal demo- Bob STRICTLY PERSONAL cratic industrialization), in the West, women do have rights. More importantly, they’ve had them all of their lives. The fervid reader will recall my well-known penchant for strong women. This makes me a lucky man in my time, because there are a whole lot of them around, Whew! Meet them all the time. All of this is to rough in the outline of the psycho-socio- techno-zconomic context in which we find the Modern Wife. Still with me? Have arother beer. Mine is probably fairly typical. That is, she’s not to be trifled with. Tough as nails. She giggles, sure, and be-bops, but gets cabin fever quick if she doesn’t have things to do. it’s not that I'm afraid of her, you understand. Why should I be? It’s been said that the modern male basically thinks of himself as a 900-pound gorilla. After the daily wrestling matches with the other 900-pound gorillas, it’s nice to come home and just be plain old King Kong. In this scenario, Mama Gorilla and the Baby Goritlas fiock around you the minute you get back to the lair, and start picking lice from your hair and making cooing sounds. Ah, the old days... The Modern Wife, of course, has probably been a bread-winner most cf her life, just like Kong. And wkether she is now, or isn’t, she’s had the bit in her teeth for part of her life, at least, and it’s hard gettin’ "em back in the barn, boys, after they’ve been out on the raz.ge. You have to take a different tack, is my advice. Listen, I hope none of you is tape-recording this, and I sure don’t want to sound like a traitor to my gender, but, face it, guys, we’re finished. No, seriously. The Modern ” Wife has the State on her side. Unless we’re willing to take up arms and stage a coup d’etat, the clock’s not going to turn back, boys. In my dad’s time, if the cad wanted to avoid supporting his wife and children, all he had to do was skip to another province. Today you'd be hounded down tike a rabbit. Rightfully, of course. Then there’s the divvying up of the family fortune, should the ecstasy and oneness slip out like the tide, leaving you washed up on the shoals of a mortgage, no longer holding hands and sniffing each other. No place to hide for you, bud- dy. Again, as it should be. It’s a changed world, men. I’m afraid my advice to you is, you're going to have to go home and treat her like an equal. There are lawyers looking for work all over town. She's just 2 phone call away from pro- ceedings. Like it or not, you've got to get used to the idea of sucking up to her. The way fF rationalize this, if you're going to suck up to any- one, it might as well be the woman you love. I mean, what’s wrong with sucking up a tittle bit, anyway? It usually pays off royal- ly. Try it. Just suck up a little bit at first. Watch how she begins to light up. Catch that smile. She can’t help herseif. Tell her how beautiful she is, how much you like the way she has her hair. You'll have her eating out of your hand. Uh-oh, here they come! Meeting adjourned. . Mitchell remaining independent WEST VANCOUVER-Garibaldi MLA David Mitchell, who broke ranks with the B.C. Liberal caucus in December ' to sit as an independent Liberal, said he has no plans to return to the Grit fold now that Liberal leader Gordon . Wilson has stepped down as Opposition leader. Wilson announced last’ week that he would resign as Opposi- tion leader, but still. remain as Liberal leader, after he. was criti- cized by his wife for publicly say- -: ing the two will be filing for divorce. Wilson has also been criticized for having an alleged romantic relationship with Kelowna MLA Sudi Tyabji, who was dumped Sit down to a PASTA DINNER that includes your choice of pasta, sauce and garlic toast! PASTA TUESDAY starts at 5 pm. Dine-in only. By Surj Rattan News Reporter earlier as Liberal house leader. Mitchell, the Liberal’s original house leader, had left the party caucus in December over Wilson’s leadership. He said he has been asked by severaJ people, including members 1078 MARINE DR. NORTH VAN. of the Liberal caucus, to return to the caucus. But Mitchell said issues within the caucus that led tu his departure have not changed. “I think it’s too premature (to return to caucus). Mr. Wilson is still the leader, and ! think the waters are still muddy,’’ said Mit- chell. . He also criticized Wilson’s deci- sion to step down as Opposition leader but not Liberal leader. Mitchell said the move will pre- vent the Liberals from being an effective Opposition party in the legislature. See Premature page & N. Shore recyclers receive - $89,000 for compost program ENVIRONMENT MINISTER John Cashore gave the North Shore Recycling Program (NSRP) a $88,956 grant on Monday, Feb. 15. The money will be used to offset costs incurred by the NSRP. for its 1992 backyard compost bin distribution and multi-family dwelling Blue Bag distribution programs. “These types of programs represent invaluable progress in the fight to reduce solid waste. The most important aspect of such initiatives is that each in-' dividual ts encouraged to take responsibility for the waste they produce,”” said Cashore. In addition to several other initiatives, the NSRP began a backyard composting program to address the problems .of large volumes of kitchen and yard waste going to landfills. it offers residents compost bins at: discounted prices and provides information and education on the practice. Building on a Blue Box multi-material collection pro- gram for single-family homes, the NSRP also began an in- novative recycling program for apartment and condominum dwellers. Using blue bags instead of boxes, the program has involv- ed almost 90% of multi-family developments on the North Shore. “I am very impressed with the efforts of North Shore Recycling and the progress they are making in significantly reducing solid waste concerns in our region,’’ said North Vancouver-Lonsdale NDP MLA David Schreck. “We must all do our part if we are going to meet our goal to reduce solid waste by 50% within a decade.”” The grant is provided through the ministry’s multi- material recycling financial assistance program which draws from the sustainable en- vironment fund. . The program provides up to - one-half of initial promotion and education costs and up to one-third estimated . capital - costs for approved projects. Baha’w'llah “The essence of all the: Prophets of God Is one and the zame... their unity ie absolute. 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