46 ~ Wednesday, June 27, 1999 - North Shore News

LIFESTYLES

[on’t fret over
your performance

Q. | AM a 59-year-old widower. The Iast years of my
marriage were difficult due to my wife’s illness. We hed no
sexual relations for three years. Following her death, I did

not date for six morths.

Then I atiempted ‘to have sex
with a woman, but I could not
perform. 1 saw a urologist, but
nothing was wrong. He thought
perhaps I was suffering from
stress, due to my wife's prolonged
illness and death.

Now ! am dating another
woman and I'm afraid the same
thing will happen to me again. I
care about this woman and would
hate to disappoint hez sexually. Is
there anything I can do fo prevent
anotber failure?

A. You are not the only one to

face the situation. I have seen
many men with this same com-
plaint. It is detrimental for you to
worry about performance. One
negative thought can create a per-
formance problem. So, you must
stop saying, ‘‘Oh, my God, | hope
this doesn't fiappen again!’’ Here
is what you must do instead.

First, become very good friends
with her before ever attempting to
have sex. Don’t discuss your past
problem or present worries. Take
the sexual part of your new rela-
tionship very slowly.

The first time you have sex, try
to siay overnight, but postpone
sexual contact until morning when
testosterone is highesi. Then, you
must discipline your mind. Do not
think of past disappointments. In-
stead, think about sexually arous-
ing subjects. And I wish you well!

Q. I am a 22-year-old woman
and my hig problem is virgisity. I
am not holding onto my virginity
for religious beliefs. And 5 do
have sexual urges. I masturbate
and reach orgasm this way regu-
larly. But I didn’t meet anyone I

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wanted (o have sex with until the
past year. As soun as I told them
1 was a virgin, those men back
off.

This burt my feelings, und now
I don't know how to handle the
situation in the future. Why did
they behave this way? What can I
do to prevent the next man from
running away?

A. They probably backed off
because they thought they would
have to make a commitment if
they did have sex with you. Don’t
waste any tears on them! Soon

ask
Dr. Ruth

Ruth Westheimer

you will meet a man who thinks
he is the luckiest man on earth for
having met a virgin. He will be so
glad he doesn’t have to worry
abovt STDs with you. So, take a
deep breath and be patient. Don’t
do anything foolish.

You will always remember the
first sexual experience. Make it a
happy one. When you do find the
man you want, tet him know you
aren’t expecting a commitment for
life just because he has sex with
you. And please write to let me
know when that first time hap-
pens.

Q. You often advise readers to
see a sex therapist, but I don’t
know how to find a good thera-
pist. | assume there are quacks in
this field, as there are in any other
field. Are there certain clues a
good therapist will give me when I
talk to one for the first time?

A. Ask your local mental-health
association to supply you with a

list of certified therapists in your

area.
You should select someone
from a list of certified therapists.

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North Shore students
graduate from SFU

SIMON FRASER University
president William G. Saywell
challenged Simon Fraser’s
graduating class to use their
talents and education to build
new bridges that will unite
Canada as never before.

“Whatever may happen in
the coming weeks, I believe our
constitutional crisis has fun-
damentally changed this na-
tion,” he told the university’s
largest-ever graduating class of
2,235 students at the June 7
and 8 ceremonies cn Simon
Fraser’s Burnaby campus.

The 25th anniversary year
convocation ceremonies includ-
ed presentation of honorary
degrees to Kenneth Dye,
Auditor General of Canada
and a Simon Fraser graduate;
Geraldine Kenney-Wallace,
former Science Council of
Canada chair and incoming
president of McMaster Univer-
sity; P.K. Page, award-winning

¢, novelist. and painter; and
Howard Petch, president of the
University of Victoria and

longest-serving head of any

Canadian university.
Listings of local graduates
available at press time include:

Faculty of Applied

Bruce Ford, Master of Natural
Resources Management; Mathew D.
White, Master of Science (Kinesiology);
Richard Ybo La Lau, Bachelor of Ap-
plied Science.

Bachelor of Arts: Phacdra Alexia
Adrienn Eccleston, major communica-
tion, minor sociology; Roger Douglas
Amet, major communication; Heather
Lynne Davey, major communication,
minor English; Paul Robert Daw-zon,
major communication, Anar Esraail,
major communication, minor
psychology; Christopher David Gowe,
major communication; Ross Jackson
Harvey, major communication; Jennifer
Nancy Jones, major communication,
minor English; Dana Lynn Mittern-
dorfer, major communication, minor
English; Shannon Michele Pruner, ma-
jor communicetion, miner psychology;
Roger Rajlesh Sharma, major com-
munication; Brian James Wright, major
communication; Phoebe Su Gi Yong,
major communication, minor political
science; Tracy Anne Wachmann, major
commanication.

Bachelor of Sciewce: George Car-
michael Cross, major computing
science; Paul Mitchell Egger, co-op
education computing science, major
computing scieace; Farshid Kabolizadeh,
major computing science; Eileen Jane

Kejser, major computing science; Ed-
ward Clayton Kirk, major computing
science, minor mathematics; Richard
Adriaan Mester, major computing
science; Addam Randa!! Smith, major
computing science; Barry Patrick Ward,
co-op education computing scicnce, ma-
jor computing science.
belor of Science (Kinesiology):
Karen Linda Colbow, major
kinesiology; Mark Andrew Osborne,
major kinesiology; Gary James Ray,
majer kinesiolegy; Suzette Marie
Vulliez, major kinesiology.
Faculty of Arts

John Anthony Whatley, Doctor of
Philosophy

Master of Arts: Beverley Anne
2Lroomhall-Wilks; Bruce Allan Byfield;
Dale Robert Martelli: David Kelly Met-
calf; Crystal Richards Saunders; Susan
Elizabeth Slater; Martina Vavra.

Master of Arts (Primtnology): Tuula
Hannele Jantti; Bessie W.K. Pang.

Bachelor of Aris: Margaret Ruth
Aronoff, major psychology; Craig Alan
Binion, minor geography, major history;
Jitian Eileen Bremner, major criminol-
ogy: Andsea Elizabeth Brown, major
English; P. Lec Catdwell, major ¢co-
nomics; Jocelyn Chivers, major
criminology; Stella Maria Conesa, minor
psychology, major Spanish; Bruce
Alexander Coupland, major psychology,
major philosophy; Barbara Michele
Doucette, major psychology; Sophia
Ebrahim, major English; Kathleen Ex-

Sse Graduates
Page 47

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