22 - Wednesday, December 26, 1984 - North Shore News AFFAIR WITH MARRIED MAN Deciding whether to confess EAR MISS MANNERS — I had an affair a few years ago with a married man. I'm now engaged to someone who I find is in- directly related to that man. one’s sound anyone Miss merely contidence hke much doesn’t fun for Manners’ choice ts to acknowledge the miss manners Ata tamuty ing up and at other tamulys reunion com- gatherings, we will all) - in cluding the man’s wite un doubted|ly meet I've. said nothing to my france so far How can one handle this flance would react to such a contession. She can only tell you that i would result) in making him — who had no responsibility. or pleasure trom the affair share tm the discomfort you feel, and by Judith Martin acquaintaneceship while re- maiming as distant from the man as politely possible. She has a funny teeling that he will be only too happy to COOPerate taming and soctalizing, in cluding luncheons, dinners. theatre parties, company Christmas parties, ball games and piemes) My problem eonecerns those events to which spouses are invited Keeping in mind that | am quite capable of enjoying myself without a partner and that the problem as) strictly one of etiquette, please ex- plain which of the above events requires an escort and which may be attended as a single member of a group, possibly escorted by a matr- ried couple Please don't dismiss this problem lightly as single, sociable men are hard to find and when found are rarely willing to attend more than one of these sometimes bor tandem. Refusing to go oul without a “‘date’ of some sort has deprived many peo- ple of pleasure ranging from attending the theatre to being tree to flirt with someone new, and alienated countless hosts who hate being asked to entertain the unknown guests of guests The second, on which you seem to be vacillating, ts the even sillier notion that one should bring innocent people to one’s business functions, even when these functions are misleadingly designed and labeled to pass for tun. Miss Manners 1s surprised that so Many spouses sit still for these events, which are bound to bore anyone not on the office staff — and a great many who are — and would certainly not subject them lo anyone whose company she was planning to save for bet- ter things. potentially awkward situa perhaps develop other pain DEAR MISS MANNERS FER? ine gatherings tion? | do not want any mas ful feelings foam oa woman bank vice -YYYYYYY ) SMe ooo, querade to tlourish. Should | Some people fore to deo president, ave US There is ne AY deny knowing the man? ©): this, an the name oot total Mahan my dite al present, nor GENTLE READER e simply say CO Helo. VEN, openness, and thatisa chome am ] particularly anxious to Dismiss this) lightiv? Why, DOUBLE-FEATURE weve met before, a few years you must make But why vou tind one vou have hit on two ot Miss ago.) keeping at brief and would want FO fdise SuSpPHClor Thisas nota problem in ms Manners) favorite examples 9 FOR 1 SPECIALS eivil mn his mind by announcing a social circle, as fb am quite Of owhat ois wrong with Also. Pd ke to keep that desife fO avotrd the man comfortable attending pat modern business and socal man oul of my lite tor ob and then retuse to relieve the ties, othe theatre. outdowt lite e vious reasons What can | do torture of doubr bs providing aCtivaties eho Swath eroups ot The first ewhich she notes - OF sdy FOS trance privatels the explanation. stie Carct Prrends. married Couples oot eratotally that vou hase been — that | don’t want te be at Starring All Winter Fashions 2 for I magne Destroying sortie sine women trends Too Steven to endure is the that mans companys and | Ome s ammocent faith while HHaweser. may work idea that opeepfe oimrast ve don't tech comitortable wath retusihe far take harm cate volves a lotoot forma: conics about ther socrab dises an him? Or would at be caster just to admut the affair tems trate and trust that he will understand the predicament? 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