Praise QUESTION: In the past two and a half years [have been trying my best to live what I think is a good life according to my beliefs and _ con- victions. I am sincere about it, but there is something that is really bothering me. What people say about me and say to mé.has.me really in a funk. You see, if people pratse me up, I; get ‘too happy all together. I even get proud of myself and that's no good. Ii people put me down; or make sarcastic remarks about the way I'm trying to live, it effects me terribly. I even wonder if ['m sort of glassy-eyed about the new life I'm living and kind of imagining that it is important - [mean more important that it really is. So, praise makes me proud of myself (yeuch!) and criticism blows me away. I hardly know where I- am these days. What do you: think I should do that will help me get on with the life I want to live, despite what . people say in favour of me or against me? STEWART: I expect that what I am about to say to - Escaping the’ ‘good olt QUESTION: My husband ts a stick-in-the-mud if ever there was one. He wants everything to be just like it always has been, including me! He lIoves that: song, “Stay the way you are”. I have good days with him and I like and love him a lot, but it rubs me the wrong way to have the person who is closest to me, keep on expressing the hope that I won't change. I WANT to change, not because I want to oppose him, but because I think that is what life Is all about. It took him years to get used to me sometimes wearing pant sults or jeans. Ilearned during the World Series that he purposely insists on calling the L.A. team, The BROOKLYN Dodgers!!! (I think they've been in L.A. for about 20 years.) He wants everything the same as it as. We have been great for night-school classes and he nearly dies If 1 consider enrolling In one of the practical how-to classes. Education, to him, ts the three R's and thelr very close relatives. Any course that satility of Taste the many TOSHIBA MICRO.- (OPEN EVERY THURSDAY & FRIDAY NIGHT UNTIL 9) MICRO-WAVE DEMONSTRATION | THIS SATURDAY November 28,11 AM-3PM Talk to the Toshiba Micro-Wave Hostess while she demonstrates the ease and ver Toshiba micro-wave cooking foods Toshiba You'll like the cooking You'll love our SPECIAL PRICE ON ALL FEATURED VES COLONY HOME FURNISHINGS 1060 LONSDALE AVENUE (AT 19TH) NORTH VANCOUVER have already said to your- self. But here goes anyway, because it may be useful to you to have someone else Say it. You are not a _ better person when you have been commended highly by someone. Nor are you any the worse when you have been condemned. _ Praise is difficult to take gracefully, and the shaft is never comfortable, of course. But neither of them makes you different. How you react to them may make you “better” or “worse” but in actual fact, the adulation and the criticism do not add to or take from your worth. has been developed in the - last 20 years he considers “flighty” (his word) and acts as though it were por- nographic. He's a\dark blue Chevrolet man, but I think I must he a yellow Corvette woman. I'm afraid he would be guite unbearable ff I didn’t love and admire him so very much, You have probably gathered that I am not so much angry at him as I am amused. But my amusement fs not great enough to save me from a kind of frustration that is increasingly hothersome. Have you azy help for me in living happily with this in- flexible throw-back? STEWART: You un- doubtedly aced a good dose of his stability to keep you honest in the light of your tendency to be more im- pulsive than he is. It seems just as certain to me that good, old rock of Gibralter may save his life by sharing love with you, in the light of hts tendency to be stuck with things as they have alwlays been. If you let yourself, you prepared — with 1akes you, you already know and You are what you are. You are what you were before someone ‘praised or con- demned you. You are the same guy. Mullthatover. . What you are within, at your centre, is the bottom line. Someone saying, “He's great, isn’t he?” or someone saying, “What's.got into that nut?” has nothing what- soever to do with who you are. If YOU feel good about you, the praise won't hurt you a bit, -nor will the criticism or sarcasm. Praise is more fun of course and most of us like it. You are alert to its potential danger, in that it tends to make you proud of yourself, and so, I am sure you will handle it well.'The key to receiving ask hayden stewart ‘can “soak- up whatever he has that. will - contribute to your good balance. But also, if he lets himself, he can soak up from you what you have that will . contribute to his balance. You will never, I hope, become as hidebound as you: consider fiim to be. And he will never, I hope, become as preoccuped with changing © as you are. You both necd from the other and you both have what the other one needs. Neither of you is qualified to decide that the other is right or wrong. But for goodness sake, be grateful, together, that you are dif- ferent. Thank each other for your differences and use them joyously. BONUS SPECIALLY PRICED FOR COLONY §$ MERRY MICROWAVE CHRISTMAS SALE STARTING THIS SATURDAY (NOV 278) im prouc “from him . C19 - Wednesday, November 25, 1981 - North Shore News SALE SALE SALE SALE SALE SALE ABBEY CERAMICS = has just made. praise or Criticism is tied up — with your own inward feeling © about yourself. Pay attention. to that first of all. Praise is SPECIAL PURCHASE all right if you don't inhale it. on And criticism is very GREENW ARE valuable to you if your feelings about yourself give you the freedom to say, “If this criticism is true and accurate it will help me and I will be grateful for it. If it is not true and accurate, my handling it well will help me and I will be grateful for that, too.” . To make room we are offering a 20% discount on our entire selection Do you. see that there is nothing I can say about you or that anyone else can say about you that will make you “better” or “worse”? So - the ball is in your court. How do YOU feel about you? Sale starts - SAT. NOV. 28th Ends THURS. DEC. Sra Sale ends Dee. 6 * vr Shop early to avoid disappointment 5175 Joyce Rd. 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