Adopting Is a joy for
children and parents

“*t AM absolutely amazed by my capacity for joy,

”

ex-

claims recent adoptive parent Susan.

Her adopted 10-year-old daugh-
ter sends a message through her
new mom. ‘‘I came from a place (a
foster home) where | was happy
and | am happy now. | didn’t
know that was possible."*

Susan, not her real name, met
her new child through the Special
Needs Adoption Department Pro-
ject (SNADP) — a three-year con-

Susan came to the project as a
40-year-old working single woman
who was sexuaily abused as a
child. She had to bare her soul to
the adoption workers in order to
be considered for the project. She

“Tf you have had an imperfect

upbringing, that could make you more
qualified to deal with speciai needs

children.”’

tract given to the North Shore
Family Services Society by the
Ministry of Social Services and
Housing (MSSH). Neither Susan
nor her child fit the stereotypic
image of an adoptive family and
an adoptee.

“There are many myths and
misconceptions surrounding adop-
tion,” explains Delma Hemming,
from her West Vancouver MSS?
office. She is the area manager of
family and children’s services.

*You don’t have to be the
perfect parents to be approved,’
says Hemming. ‘‘If you have had
an imperfect upisringing that could
make you mcie qualified to deal
with special! needs children.
Trauma can be an asset if it has
been resolved either through per-
sonal growth or with professional
help.”’

— MSSH manager
Delma Hemming

explained she felt only numbness
until her mid-twenties because of
the abuse. She never considered
having children.

Susan started to work things
through, realized she was a sur-
vivor, eventually felt capable of
being a mother and considered
adoption: ‘“‘It was an overnight
decision that took 15 years.’’ Then
she had to accept the reality of the
types of children available for
adoption.

As Hemming describes it: ‘‘One
of the hardest things for prospec-
tive adoptive parents to have to
accept is that few children avail-
able for adoption are healthy,
newborn Caucasians, or even
two-year-old, blende, blue-eyed
girls." In the words of Susan’s
10-year-old daughter: ‘‘] came
from a family who did not take

care of me, did not know how to
love me and keep me safe.**

Special needs children fall into a
number of categories: they can be
older (seven to 14); they may be
from ethnic minorities or sibling
groups (there is one group of four,
aged three to 121, presently
awaiting a family); many children
have suffered from neglect and/or
abuse and may have had multiple
placements in various homes; the
infants are often medically fragile
Gi.e. from drug dependent mothers
or have HIV virus and could de-
velop AIDS); they may also be of
borderline intelligence.

But they all want and need lov-
ing families. One 13-year-old
recently asked his social worker,
**Have you found me a family vet?
I am not getting any younger.”’

In the late ’60s many of today's
special needs children were consid-
ered unadoptable. In the early "70s
there was a six-month wait for a
healthy Caucasian newborn. To-
day that wait is five to seven years
and in some places in the U.S. it is
far longer. (This does not include
private adoptions.)

Ironically, there was actually a
surplus of healthy babies availabie
for adoption during the “50s and
°60s when birth control was much
less prevalent and infertile couples
would not readily consider adop-
tion. In addition, young single
women were less likely than they
are today to keep unplanned
babies.

“It was a mortal sin to have a
child out of marriage,’’ explains
Judy Archer, coordinator of the
SNADP. Today it is more accept-
able because there are so many
variations to the traditional nu-
clear family. There is also an iu-
creased awareness about adoption.

See Adoption
Page 47

pA REL,

soaked
here

PAGE 49

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NEWS photo Terry Peters

JUDY ARCHER, coordinator of the Special Needs Adoption Depart-
ment Project (SNADP) operated through the North Shore Family Ser-
vices Society, holds up a poster promoting the adoption of children with
special needs. The program provides extensive counselling services to
prepare children for adoption and coaches parents on how to care for a
traumatized or special needs child.