24 ~ Wednesday, April 28, 1999 — North Shore News

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4g PARENTAL GUIDANCE

Love helps to heal in time of great loss

Thad a nice family
once ... good husband,
healthy, happy chil-
dren, a home, dogs,
and a cat.

Thad everything, or so I
thought. And then one day 1
discovered that I really didn’t
have everything. That what I
thought was a safe, secure
home was no longer. The
Tug was pulled out from
under me, and my world
split apart like a meteor frac-
turing into tiny pieces,

CAULFEILD Science Fair participants Jamie Gregory (left to right), Matt Gibson,
Connor Smith and Kelsey Schick tried to find out which brand of chewing gum

hurtling helter skelter
through a dark, strange
space.

At first it was too unbe-

lievable to grasp. This could-

Taste test

has the most lasting flavour.

mt be happening to me, the
fast moving take charge
queen of the laundry room.

Not to Shannon, ever in con-

trol of her life and several
others. Not to the woman
who had it all.

Buc it did happen to me,

and to my family, It was real-
ly no one’s fault, but before |

had a chance to do anything
about, everything changed.
They call it grief. It’s the
process you go through
when you lose someone or
something dear to you,

NEWS photo Mike Wakefield

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1 must Mourn NOt only
the Joss of my marriage, but
also the loss of my family
intact.

T must mourn the loss of
my innocence, for Tan
never again completely trust
anything.

I must mourn the family
lite we shared, the good parts
of it anyway, because it will
never again be the same.

I mourn the physical and
emotional intimacy I trea-
sured, the calm quict blanket
of love [ wiways felt around
me.

These are monumental
losses for anyone, no matter
how strong you may think
you are.

I never imagined what it
would be like. Sure, I've had
friends who have been sepa-
rated, divorced, even wid-
owed, I've gossiped about
them, about their affairs and
Luw they've handled these
changes in their fives. Bur I
never imagined how much it
hurts, how shattered people
are, how deep the wounds
can be.

I'm a reader, so I immedi-
ately went to the library and
took out all the buoks on the
subject of marital separation.

They are a tough read for
someone looking for relict.
One book said plan for three
years of emotional distress.

2 KIDZ BU

Z BIZ 9 -RIDZBIZ:§

Another said vou never get
over it. All the books talk
about the black pit of despair
that accompanies the uncou-
pling process, especially if
you are the person in the
couple who didn’t have time
to prepare.

The books all tell you to
take life one day at a time; fo
not be concerned by the
constant crying that you
engage in, firs of tears that
erupt in the most unlikely
places: in line at the bank, in
the bakery section of the
grocery store, on the side-
lines of the soccer field,

I cried at my computer,
while [ was running my
dogs. and in my car. I cried
constantly in my car, wailing
and slobbering as I listened
to tender songs on the radio.
It’s a miracle J never had a
car accident during that time.
In the books they warn you
about that.

TE cried, too, into the soft
flannel sheets of the massage
table where f lav myself out
for healing hands to rub,
knead, and finally soothe my
aching muscles, Who would
have thought that a broken
heart could cause vouc mus-
cles te tense up to a point
where it just hurts to be?

The books all advise you
to think positive thoughts
and speak to yourself in posi-

iain ne Ae tein oo

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live terms.

You are not to say things

to vourselt like
terrible.” No, you are to
replace those negative

“my life is so

See Time page 25

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