REGISTER COMPLAINT

Laundry etiquette
breached by lady

DEAR MISS MANNERS — Yesterday, as I finished my
first. washload in the laundry room of my apartment
building, I went to put it in the dryer and to start a second
load in the washer. (There is one of each machine, shared
by six tenants). I found the live-in landlady loading her own

clothes into the washer.

Although she could see from the
clothes in my basket that J had
more to do, she simply butted in,
dumping out my first load. This
woman (whom I will call Murcia)
and I are virtual strangers — we
smile and say hello, but that’s
about the extent of it.

I considered this a serious
breach of laundry room etiquette,
but I didn’t say anything. I was
afraid I might be overreacting, and
J have a tendency to avoid un-
pleasant confrontations, par-
ticularly when the matter seems
trivial. So I simply put my fiest
load in the dryer and Ieft.

SERED LY SEE EPS
miss
manners

by Judith
Martin
[|

Half an hour later, | was shock-
ed to discover that she had taken
my laundry cut of the dryer in the
middle of the cycle and put her
own load in. Although my laundry
was dry to the touch, I wanted it to
have the full 70-minute cycle.

It was fabric 1 was pre-shrinking
to make into a garment. I can't
expect her to have known my pur-
pose, but since ! had set the timer,
I don't think it was her prerogative
to decide that my laundry was
done,

Again, I did nothing, not wan-
ting to antagonize a neighbor. Ever
since, P've been wondering how I

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could have handled this without
creating hostility. Or shouldn't J
worry about antagonizing a
neighbor?

{ don’t like being treated unfair-
jy, but I usually decide something
isn't worth making a scene over
and then feel like a coward after-
ward.

GENTLE READER — Laundry
etiquette has indeed been breached
in this case, and Miss Manners
would be happy to teach you how
to protect yourself against a
neighbor's transgressions without
declaring war.

But we live in the age of
psychoanalysis, where people are
more interested in the meaning of
their own behavior than in finding
practical solutions to threats to the
general harmony. In your concern
about your own tendency to avoid
unpleasant confrontation, you
overlook the obvious.

That is that all polite people try
to avoid unpleasant confrontation.
We call that civilization. A society
in which people only act in their
own rights, without taking into ac-
count the effect this may have on
others is — well. what we have
now. And a pretty mess it is, too.

This is not to say thai polite
people must allow their
prerogatives to be trampled by
those less fastidious. In addition to
the choice you see between an-
tagonizing the neighbor and stifl-
ing your complaint, there is the
possibility of registering a polite
complaint. That is one in which
you allow the other person to
retreat politely, instead of having
to defend her action from attack.

“Pm afraid you didn’t realize
that I wasn’t finished with the
machine when you put in your
flaundry,’’ you say. ‘tI hadn't
forgotien it. I really did mean to
have it in for the Full cycle I set. So
if you don't mind, please just leave

it until it finishes, and Il come
fetch it as soon as it’s done so you
can use the machine."’

You see there is no doubt here
that you will not tolerate her
behavior. But you have phrased it
in such a way that she can say,
“Oh, Pm sorry. I didn't realize
you wanted it that long,’’ and you
can reply, ‘‘That’s quice all right.”

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