2 QUESTION: ‘Alcohol thas got,
me licked. ~ *
' There now.
. that down because I know it’s
trae and that it’s important. .
"for -me- to: admit it. My hope .
- and ‘prayer mow is that. Pll.
finish this letter and. mail it
and that it will get I in 1 Print
‘and that Pil see it. ne

- that ‘drink is -my ‘biggest
| problem. mt. . Pye mever.

- Pve. written .

"aly admitted ‘it to. any
- Iiving soul. Instead I’ve said -
things like, “I can handle it’
and ‘f don’t drink much and
its ‘mever~ dome me any
-etc. . Never. before |

“have: really’ admitted. it to.
myself. I’ve been scared and
ashamed. but Ive always
_kidded myself that ‘when I
get ready, PL quit: Just like
that’. Weil; i never have —
“sot. ready”? and I dowt
iknow if Lever will. t hope Pan

“48

COMMENT FROM. HAY
DEN: A ‘few weeks ago an
PVE FOUND | IT. devotee
“wrote asking why people did —

HOt, rejoice with him (or her)

: Freelance Counselior Hayden.
Stewart: May -be reached. at.
261-6242. for: appointments. for : i

- individual, . family _or group
counselling. -

His new. office. in the. Plaza |

“ International - Hotel {open.
‘Tuesdays only) is :for the
convenience of “North. Shore. -
: residents. ,

QUESTION: Hew ‘do you
handle it when a whole group |
of people do everything they —
can to cut you off.and make. .
you out to be an outcast? My
wife's parents don’t like: the |
‘country I come from and ; ann
. result, they gave me the cold
| shoulder the very firat time
-wemet. My’ wife ‘used to sort -
‘of tense me about my country
. ‘and background, but I always"
thought she was just having.
some” fan. She joked about’.
me being OK. oven if i did
come from my country. But
when she took me to. meet
her. parents I know immedl- ©
ately there ‘was. ‘something:
—-m0re | ‘serious © ‘going | on in
their thinking. 2

‘She | ‘sald: ithey’d, ‘bo: fine
‘once they got to know me and
‘that, they would accept me.
Even: then I knew: she
thought sho was saying a big -
‘thing, almost as though there '
was good reason for them not -
to. accept mo, but that: they:
would because they were
really ‘quite . tolerant, |. I
_ couldn't . belleve It woald
continue but it has got worse
‘and worse. Evon though I
loved her so much «and still

do - I think I. would have, .
* Let’ your, wife know that the.
how torribly cruel prejudice |
cult for you but that you want:

backed away if I had known’

can be. They even ‘phone our
place and Invite HER over to -
dinner and don’t Invite met! If
we meet socially with mutual
“friends, thoy: rugh: up to: er:
and hug. ee and’ complotely

about the important: thing.

My reply was. that perhaps”
: such: people. were just not -
ready to understand, -
perhaps. the. writer was not.
_presenting | what ‘he had.
found ina way that attracted.
interest..1 ‘also. pointed: out:

‘that I myself. had: not been —
a attracted. by the -manner in
a : which. some people (not: ally ©

“had - shared - their ‘good »

< that’some of them seemed to”
be talking . ‘to. me’ ‘from a.
_ platform of ‘pride, rather than”
gratitude and came across. to
-me. as. feeling ‘superior - ‘to.
~The’: ne

“YY mentioned the difficulty: 1
have in- drawing close “to”
someone “who - is.

wewase aa

obviou usly

CoviCd

judging me. and. putting’ ‘me. r an open heart and may Ged.

down’’. At no time did I'voice’
criticism of these people nor.

of what they had FOUND

‘NOR DID T. belittle their

overes

lice

4 ignore | me ‘for ‘the whole

evening. ©

_ My friends 8 aay, “How eas
“you put up with it? But what |

else can I do? I don’t want to. -

. end our marriage by. taking a: “here ‘and ‘now, ‘and I'VE °
stand * against. these. weird |

people, but: don’t know. how
Jong i can hold out. being,
‘Ignored: and © ‘shutned ” ‘by

‘people my wife loves; Ther
family, ties: are - really, gome-
thing else. ie. it became aa

Issue,. of ‘helfeve _ my. wife
would. join the family in .
ostracizing me. I believe. she -
“loves ‘mo as' ‘much’ as: she ..
knows how, but she’s so tled |
‘to her prejudiced: family that
“Pm afraid. she'll not be able.

te landls I. What. Cali It
‘possibly do?

STEWART: That is a heavy

‘load you are lugging! Teel a

bit silly offering advice to you |

in the few lines | ‘available to”

ome, You: will need: to. find -
the | way: to.keep. uppermost
on your list of priorities your
love for your wife and for.
‘ yourself. Shakespeare’ said,
“Love is not love that alters

when ti ulieraiion finds*". So, |

first .of all, put your: love :
above | all these, difficulties,

situation is extremely diffi.

to do everything in“ ‘your

- power to find new dimen: .

sions of loving her. You. are
_ wishing . her» family: would.
" honout. your ‘feelings f for thelr

| _ STEWART: Your letter rep-

‘discoveries. .

- that had come into his life. .

“OF,

_ let attitudes of some be the

_.news’ ’ with. me. Yr “even: said a

3 ‘you. will: stand before God in .

12 exp.
_ judgement and try to justify | — p ;
-yeur former disbelief in His . 20 exp. .. *5.
existence. You will turn to. colour. & black & white. 36 exp. a E
point to the hypocrites. and ~.- top quality prints. back to eae a4
_ the self-righteous, but you. you quickly _ and economi- toe ox sizes
know: what? They won’t be . __ gally : ... up

~ most’ difficult for you to see

, choose to show thelr feclings

page 15 - November 9, 1977 - North Shore News

not - drank when. the peper
comes out because I want to
see that‘ ‘actually admitted | |
to myself and the whole |.
world ‘that alcohol: has got Er

me licked. — : of

resents. an all important step.
.. for you. I believe A.A. would
Say it could be a whole new
Start for vou. Get in touch
“with: them! - ‘Their strong.
> SMPport will, help y you.

There follow -
‘now extracts from a letter |
prompted by: the previous —
column which — illustrates
_ clearly the point I had made,
‘namely that - here is a
“possibility that it is the
“APPROACH that ¢ some peo-
‘ple resent, ‘‘rather than what
_yow have found’’. Here is the
letter in part:

‘Pm in no position to BEFORE AFTER.
- judge the state of ' your heart, ‘home service available’ ~
“but I just ask that.you don’t | 24h Answering | Service

ENHANCING THE BEAUTY OF YOUR HANDS, A NEW
PROFESSIONAL MANICURE SYSTEM, THAT: EXTENDS THE:
LENGTH OF THE NATURAL NAIL WITHOUT. DAMAGE TO
- YOUR. NAILS OR NAIL BED: FOR HEALTHY NAILS AND

BEAUFIFUL. HANDS. OUR SYSTEM ALLOWS YOUR NAIL TO
BREATHE. —

_calll I Crystal 9 9€

“grounds fer [your] personal
rejection. of God...who. longs
to be near you. -. Someday

colour

‘there! Itll just be. you and:
He, face to face. ‘Please keep -

bless: you with understand. ner
- visit...some Sunday: morn at Uicarimeg
10 a.m. “Assorted Pieces
Of Jewellery” —

» Reg. to $6.95 d W “39

Making Space For New Stock |
‘Now under new management |

~ STEWART: ‘See what lL.
‘mean? The. writer of that.
- letter. seems to me to be_
- almost certainly sincere and |
_-concerned..For that I receive.
him with love. My difficulty
“is in handling what seems a_ Se
_ holier-than-thou > judge-- | ee
mental | _ superiority. My . seonsnuilainssiasdupiniintsam sigan emiincaniss:smmaimsamanus ,

problem. is not in a fear of
someday being face-to-face
with God. We do that often,

1627. Lonscdaie Ave. - og 4

FOUND IT to be neat (as my ‘f
grandson would say).. .

mea - oo
“ASK ABouT OUR GIFT CERTIFICATES

o fim mAM

ros West Vancouver _

daughter and offer you their’
acceptance. You want. them
to allow you your freedom". :
with your ‘wife. It may be “926. 1 ai: 2
‘it,. but itis just:as important
' for you: to’ allow. them their —
- fteedom: in the ways. they .

“kitchen:” ‘Browse through our ‘showroom, ¢ over. 1000 square |
, Neet, ot kitchen otepiane ae .

for you. CO |
‘It seems clear to me that |]:
‘the ways they are choosing |:
are made ugly by prejudice, .
and hurtful. by, ignorance, 4 a
‘and ‘are: calculated :to shut :
you out of their lives and. the ©
life of their daughter. BUT |
‘(and here’s: the hard part) it
seems that: their: childish, i
cruel ways. are the best’:
they've been able to come up |
with so far-and that you will.
..meed to firid ways to nurture.’
“your love in the’ midst: of
‘them. : A’ ‘weak, | unloving. .
‘person’ couldn’t do it. Per- f° °".
haps you can. Look to your or
magnificence, not your |.
dinkiness, and perhaps you'll |
win, ‘through. Love is, ‘power
fall er

) | HENS LD. |
(your: neighborhood. Kitchen contre) - hy.

“4976 Mata St., North Vancouver, “Call for tree ostimates
'betweals Venice Bakery & Mt Hwy. : 95-751 5 sh

“in tho: ‘North Shore Plaza, ws

-woniie’ and vielt our Harte x Mouniain om
_ ee re

, ot

_ Oe
er
’ we ghd

he trl ed a tA Aan ah sa aida abnbaa mak abe AEla tee

Aa Aki Ab emai Sras dani mar da abaM BA dL andl A

sk asia sAeoisAicn sedis seta dat Slabs mi i