LAST SATURDAY, I went to a hair stylist then straight
te a barbecue. When I got a chance to look in the mirror
im oar hosts’ washroom I discovered I looked like Pencil

Herd.

My hair was whipped and
swirled up to a point like Baby
Huey, done like a sundae to cover
2 pate which I never sce because
no osc can look at the top of his
oan head.

I stared into the mirror and
tried to pat down my unicora
born, but it had a life of its own.

Such is the fate of the hair-

My only redeeming factor is
that I’m tall enough so that from
strcet level no one else can teli
that I’m going bald.

My grandfather was hairless as
a cheese by the time he was 25.
Pve always been prepared for the
same fate. In my view, from the
froat, it's yet to happen.

’ Hair stylists roll their eyes when
the hair-challenged walk in. For
years Ive asked them to be
brutally honest with what I have

looking Kke Pencil Head, or a
hunazn crop circle, with strands
swiskd about my head and snugs-
ed down with enough spray for a
Force 9 Gale.

To me it feels like some aerated
army beimet. 1 go home, wash it
-out, arid let the bir fall where it
may.
. ‘Thee stylists themselves admit
that the hair-challenged are at the
bettoen of the ratem pole when it
comes to customer desirability.

A bzived person offers the cut-
ter a Falk palette on which to coif
and bouffer. With a truly bald
person it's simply a matter of
rakishly trimming down the edges
of a petting green, or in some
cates a sand trap. As for the

Dave
Jenneson

BETWEEN THE BRIDGES
hair-challenged, we slink through
hairless

the door like semi- un-
touchables, neither fish nor fowl.

Yet if someone were to create
new minimalist styles in a special
School of the Nearly Bald, then
open a chain of shops catering ex-
clusively to the hair-challenged,
they'd de rich. Whatever our
faults, the hair-challenged are

y i and

ly middle-aged

older men with enough moncy to
still worry about how we look.

Yet short-sighted stylists bland-
ly inform me that there’s no
special technique that’s been de-
veloped for dealing with the
hair-challenged, other than vague-
ly trying to make fess look like

If we even thought that some-
one had put a tot of effort into
guiding us through that grey maze
between the haired and bald, we'd
be so grateful that we'd flock to
them with open wallets.

Friday, July 3, 1992 —- Nerth Shore News - 7

INSIGHTS

Time to face the bald-faced truth

In fact, f once tried to organize
a@ movement of the hair-challeng-
ed so that we'd have a voice, both
in business and politics. A grass-
roots of damaged roots, so to
§ -

The idea came one morning
when I was flipping through my
word-a-day calendar and was
cenfronted with the word
“‘pilgarlic.”” I couldn’t believe my
eyes when I read the definition:
“‘a balding man, or a man to be
regarded with derision and
scorn. i

This described most of my
friends.

I attempted to found the B.C.
Pilgarlic Society as a kind of
hair-challenged/bald rights
organization. I eves had let-
terhead done. My first mistake
was to nominate a puritanically
bald person as chairman. With his
baider-than-thou attitude he
began rejecting memberships of
other nominees on the basis that
they were unworthy, not being as
bald as he.

Nobody could be that bald.

J had hoped he'd use his supe-
rior baldness as a symbol of lead-
ership, like a shiny hood orna-
ment leading the pack, but in the
end the entrance qualifications
were too stiff and the B.C.
Pilgarlic Society died’a quict
death.

Pity. It had a lot of potential.
There are some heavy hitters out
there. Multi-millionaire Jimmy
Pattison is truly hair-challenged,
and Premier Mike Harcourt
displays leadership in this arca like
no other.

I’m sure that both these men
know the heartbreak of emerging
from the cutter as Pencil Head or
Crop Circle Man. In fact, they
may have been subjected to the
ultimate pain in their formative
years, which is being wheedlied by
a wife or girlfriend into adopting
the comb-over to cover an ever
larger and unfashionable pate.

Leave NV waterfront alone

Not everyone can own water-
front peperty. —-

With refereace to your recent
Mailbox letter from Sheila Mor-
rison, it continues io amaze mé
that people like her seen) intent on
blaming the waterfront property
owners for noi being able to get

their own way.

Yes, we do value our piece of
paradise, along with the ‘“‘in-
credibly expensive,” not ugly
docks. We also pay a very high

_ Price for these.

As usual, the Sheila Morrisons
of this world want the taxpayers
(i.e. government) to pay for gov-
ernment docks. Property owners

S.OV. - Why would
there be pride in
creating pollution?

Dear Editor:

1 was impressed by Peggy
Trendell-Whittaker’s recent article
in which she describes how she is
managing without her car. | am
also walking or cycling to work,
but was encouraged by Peggy’s
column as I: feel we're still very
much in the minority.

I quite understand the obstacles
many people face trying to run
car-less lives, but I think most
people’s intentions are good about
trying to clean up the air.

I read with interest a recent ar-
ficle in the Vancouver Sun about
Single Occupancy Vehicles

(SOVs). Of course it’s hard to
wean stressed urbanites away from
the convenience and privacy of
their status symboi cars.

But I was utterly amazed and
infuriated by a bumper sticker I
tecently read: ‘*Proud to be an
S.0.V.”

Why would a person be proud
about polluting the air? 1 can ac-
cept that mos: city dwellers are
just unaware of what damage
emissions from their vehicles are
doing, but to be intentionally do-
ing so with a sense of pride I find
totally astonishing.

Caroline Vesey
North Vancouver

on the waterfront have gone to a
huge expense to install their own
docks in order to moor their
boats. They did not go to the
trough.

If any more of my tax dollars
are going to be spent on new pro-

jects, I suggest they be spent on -

completing the many road projects
that have been started in
Cove and abandoned.

I have seen a number of people
(not waterfront property owners)
drive down to the waterfront and
empty a garbage bag full of
garden trash and clippings into the
water and drive off into the
sunset.

I have also experienced the con-
struction of a seawall in a small
coastal town in England. Within
weeks of completion, the new ac-
cess was packed with party-goers,
vandals and continuous late-night
parties. Residents along the water-
front experienced a 200% rise in
break and enters.

Leave the waterfront as it is,

Sheila Morrison and others who
feel that everyone should enjoy all
the luxury benefits of life must
realize we live in a democracy. We.
all had the same opportunity to
acquire these lifestyles. Some did
and some did not.

“Don't take away the luxuries we
have worked so hard for and con-
tinue to pay a high price for.

Steve Munday

_ North Vancouver

It would do Pattison, Harcourt,
and a whole fot of us hair-
challenged people 2 hell of 2 lot
of good to go on the Geraldo
show and talk about such abuse:
Bring it out in the open.

In the meantime, I'm left with
the prospect of many more ap-
pointments with bemused hair sty-
lists who continue to sneer at the
hair-challenged instead of seeing
ther for what they really are — 2
gold mire.

My only other solution is that
the stylists should abandon their
pretence of trying to turn me into
Pencil Head or Crop Ciscle Man,

give nie a simple cut, then date-
stamp my head. At least then
when I go bald I'll have proof of
aservice record...

Of course, certain readers may
wish to revive the B.C. Pilgarlic
Society, and I’m all in favor of
that. This time there’li be none of
this being kicked out if your head
doesa’t resemble a bowling ball.

Submissions to Friday Insights
{700-900 words) can be sent to the
attention of Barlara Black, North
Shore News, 1139 Lonsdale Ave.,
North Vancouver, B.C. V7M
2H4,

Last word: Freedom of
speech is not the issue

Dear Editor:

Contrary to your modesty
(News, June 24, ‘‘MLA
malarkey"’), many issues raised
by the News are worthy of
discussion in the legislature.
{ssues that potentially en-
courage racial hatred always
deserve attention as we strive
to protect human rights.

Perhaps the News received
more letters than I did on the
Collins issue, but my count
totalled a mere If. Of those,
only two were from my consii-
tuency not counting, of
course, the three that were
anonymous. That’s not what I
would call overwhelming sup-
port for your columnist.

Collins has ranted about of-.

fering to debate me. ! have
never received such a request.
Had 1, I- would not have ac-
cepted as I regret the attention

that even this debate lends to |

his views.

I have stressed that the issue
is not his freedom of speech. It
is the responsbility of the
North Skore News. Your edi-
torial tried to distort that to
read “‘responsibility to be more

. gentle.” Wrong — I refer to

the responsibility to avoid in-
flaming racial hatred.

Some suggest that it is an er-
ror to‘enter into this type of
debate when the News, as il-
lustrated on June 24, can -
always have the last word.
Your persistence should not be
accepted as reason to permit
irresponsibility.

It would appear that the
News is only responsible to its
advertisers. It is they; including
me, who must decide what
steps to take. I am uncomfort-
able with my advertising dollar
supporting the dissemination of
material which is injurious to
the community.

David D. Schreck, MLA
North Vancouver-Lonsdale

Why not edit Collins for ‘taste’?

Dear Editor:

When citizens of the community
write to the Nortk Shore News
mailbox section they must adhere
to the policy: ‘‘Published letters
may be edited for brevity, clarity,

accuracy, legality and raste.”’

My question to the editor is —
:why doesn’t the News apply this
same standard to its own writers?
D.A. Cameron
North Vancouver