4 - Sunday, November 5, 1989 - North Shore News It WAS 6 a.m. I hadn’t written my column yet. The deadline was looming like a vast angst-infested blot across the event horizon. Normally I like writing columns. But not at 6 a.m. We'd had an old buddy over. He and J had got drinking and talking about the meaning of everything until rather fate. It had all made sense, of course. I went to bed fill- ed with resolve and certainty and hootch. But now it was morning. My wife being the great human **He’s going to do it by support- ing nuclear power.”” A litule blast of rage fired up in the pit of my stomach. Relentlessly, she went on: “Broadbent made an impas- sioned plea in favor of Meech Lake.”” Trudeau. Bouchard. Broadbent. Meech Lake. Nuclear power. It was starting to happen. ‘*The Israelis are selling nuclear weapons to South Africa,’’ she cooed in my ear. That was a good shot. Get up, a part of me groaned. Get up and So Jar, Canada hasn’t been able to sell Candu reactors even to South Korea or Turkey, two other fable democracies. Now Israel is looking to buy one.’’ soul she is, tried romancing me to getmegoing. . No soap. I mean, no luck. I mean, dead meat sandwich city. ! mean, try turning on 2 corpse in- stead. Necrophilia, anyone? So she did the intelligent thing. She got the morning paper. I groaned as it was shoved be- fore my face. Jamming my head under the pillow didn’t work. She ripped the pillow away and said the magic words: “Trudeau’s on page one. He’s happy that Meech Lake is dead.”* Trudeau? Happy? Despite my best instinct, which is the one that says when in doubt go to ground, a nerve twitched. She saw it. *‘Not enough?”’ she goaded. “‘How about this? Bouchard says he's going to save the environ- ment.” She let that sink in for a minute. Then she added pitilessly: eauty Cream Great Success attack somebody. Meech Lake. Nuclear power. A deal between Israel and South Africa, the two great African democracies. Broadbent. Trudeau. Bouchard. I was almost awake. Bile and poison were swilling in my gut. The day was taking shape. All I really needed now was something about the ozone layer or the greenhouse effect. Maybe Vander Zaim preaching morality. My wife went one better. ‘*Defiant Morgentaler busted in Nova Scotia,” she rasped. Oh good, pre-delivery babies be- ing slaughtered in the name of women’s lib, Great. I had now managed to kick my legs and roll over in bed, gnawing at the pillow. “Give me the stuff about Trudeau again,” I begged. Happily, she laid it on. “Quote, I'm happy that —” “Trudeau’s happy?”’ I taaled, **Yep,”’ she agreed knowingly. **More. Hit me again."’ **He’s promoting a book.’”’ The waterbed surged as my rest- less body Mopped around. “Get to the Bouchard stuff.” “OK. Here goes. Ottawa. Build- ing nuclear power stations to gen- erate electricity may be the only way to meet Canada’s energy needs and also deal with the prob- lem of global warming, Environ- ment Minister Lucien Bouchard says..."’ One leg was out of bed now. The other was kicking the air. “Israel. Tell me about Israel.’* “Te’s not just a deai with South Africa,’ she smirked. ‘‘Sure, the Israelis have been helping South Africa with nuciear missile systems, but there’s more. The Israelis want to buy a Candu reac- tor.”’ Okay. Okay. I was up now. So far, Canada hasn't been able to sell Candu reactors even to South Korea or Turkey, two other fabled democracies. Now Israel is Jooking to buy one. I can just see Lucien Bouchard selling nukes to Israel in the name of protecting the environment. Oh yes. Yes. I can see it. “Is there anything about Vander Zalm?”’ ‘*Yeh, he’s positive he can win the next election. The people have faith in him. But he’s selling Fan- tasy Gardens.”’ Selling Fantasy Gardens! That did it. I was on my feet, staggering toward the word pro- cessor, snatching a coffee as I went. Trudeau being happy, ! could handle. After aff, I’m used to it. Didn’t he get to take Margot Kidder out a while ago? ; Meech Lake being dead, c’est la vie. {srael buying Candu reactors in order to sel] nuclear goop under the table to South Africa’s white supremists, sure, I could live with that at 6 a.m., it being such an ob- vious twist. Bouchard saving the environ- ment by building nukes, okay, okay. What did 3 expect? But The Zatm selling Fantasy Gardens... and not being aware of the symbolism! Too much! Hello, daye ADVERTISEMENT | CROWDS ARE COMING INTO DEPARTMENT STORES for the exciting beauty cream, EB5, developed by Pharmacist Robert Heldfond. He is pictured showing his cream in a Cosmetic Department. Its an exciting story of a pharmacist who developed a beauty cream which women are requesting throughout the country. 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