QUESTION: ‘It need hardly be stated that these are difficult days in which to raise children. -My husband and | want so much to do our best by the kids, but we are at sixes and sevens about what should be “our best.” To over-simplify an ex- planation of our dilemma, I could say that we are not clear about what we are trying to do. We both lean contributing to their development of some healthy independence, and yet, we are afraid of the “big bad world” in which they are doing their maturing. We want to protect them from it, but we are almost as fearful toward QUESTION: I am a person who fs generally very “busy”. That is, I-have a lot to do that fs a part of my accepted responsibility and I have a lot of interests that I want to take part in. I am not a “workoholic” by any means and I enjoy having such a full life. But just now I am a bit scared because of two ad- ded responsibilities that have come my way. Over and above my rather full schedule, two additional developments have been ad- ded to it. I want to do both of them. But, I am fearful (just a bit) chat I may be taking on a little too much. Any advice for me? STEWART: Make sure you B ask Difficult to raise chil of over-protecting them as we are of encouraging them to take their chances in it. In 1981, how do you see the job of the parent? What should be our goals? STEWART: I agree with you about these being difficult days in which to raise children. The days of the preceeding generation were difficult too. In fact, all my life (and I’m nearly 200 years old) I've kept hearing that this is a tough time to raise kids. So, what we have learned is that raising kids is ‘a hard, but rewarding ex- perience fo: any thoughtful, caring parents in any age. And that’. ‘ne way it should > are not «idding yourself. You MAY be doing too much. You decide. There are five “helps” I of- fer for you~ consideration. 1. Realiz« that, almost cer- tainly you can do more than you think you can. If you want to do more, for worthy reasons, then you will find the resources to accomplish what you waul. 2. The bu.ier you get, the more “quic:” you need. That is, give yourself times eyery day when you can meditate, or pray or day-dream even if those times are only two or three minutes in duration. 3. Organize, or plan your day. So much can be said on this one. One word of advice QUESTION: If you were talked into offering one word of advice for your best friend or someone you lov- ed, what would it be? STEW ART: The answer that springs quickly to mind is this: LISTEN, IN SILENCE. TO THE WISDOM OF YOUR HIGHER SELF AND RESPECT IT TRUSTING. LY. Those 14 words fit com- fortably at the very heart of most rcligions and philosophres of life. Simply saying them over is not par- ticularly aluable. Doing what they suggest can lead one into dynamic transforms'on If the “do ing” becotnes a way of life over a pe..od of time, the values in the cxpertence are enhanced Lady Silhouette is pleased to announce the opening ot their NEW SALON The aftordable place to lose weight and inches No strenuous exercising involved. Special introductory offer: 10 VISITS FOR $175 Open 9:30am - 9:00 pm (Mon - Fri.) LADY SILHOUETTE BODY CARE CENTRE (TD 987-0886 704 East 7th Street, Nornh Vancouver (dun of Chapenetury) be. You ask, how do I see the job of parents and what are some goals for parents. Your first job is to develop in yourselves and in your relationship with each other as" many important love- skills as possible. Be lovers so that your kids will have the chance to grow up in an atmosphere of creative dynamic love. Love is central to your life. So, learn to allow it expression. If you two learn to give it to each other, your kids will _“catch” what is happening in you and between you and will be better equipped because of it. You will be helping your kids to become hayden stewart Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-624. Pe, for appointments for individual. family or group counselling. - ; on‘t try to prove yourself 4. Learn to be even better than you are at delegating. That involves taking the in- itiative in sharing the load: with others and _ trusting them to do their thing. To be effective, delegating needs to include ways in which you Most Custom Fabrics 5 yards or more Re-Upholstery Examples: Standard Chesterfield Labour - 295 00 10 yds at $20 per. 200 00 TOTAL - 495.00 t xtra Charge tor shuts back customs now foam naib apeuil styles and repaws Fashion nome | fraceRiIORS LTO 3050 Mountain Highway, North Vancouver 988-1220 ren companionably independent and co-operatively free. Your trust in the power of practiced love will let them sense that even though you care a lot, you are offering them the opportunity for freedom within your love and the sort of independence that will blossom out of the rich soil of your demon- strated trust. They will see that you are trustingly (and at risk) OFFERING them freedom and that will lessen _their need to fight for it or demand it through rebellion. What young human beings WANT is freedom that does not have to be stolen and does not create’ fragmén- tation of the love-group that means so much to them. So- start with you two parents. Find new dimensions of love in your own relationship and let it spill over. You don’t need to teach it, you don’t need to “promote” it.. It is not a package for you to sell, it is a gift to offer - no strings attached. can check and encourage and assist those who are working with you. 5. Be sure you do not try to “prove” anything to yourself or others. 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