ve _when parenting.

24 — Wednesday, November 19, 1997 — North Shore News

Getting kids to bed on time,

GOLAN Matkin works
as a family counselor in
- North Vancouver with
who are twelve and
‘under,

‘He gives parenting semi-
nars in the Greater
Vancouver area, specializing
in teaching anger manage-

‘ment skills.
He has aah ons a
_ unique. approach to parent-
aay A Blueprint for
* Parenting.
“He teaches dialogue, tac-

‘~, ties and techniques to par-

"ents to help them establish
integrity. and gain self-esteem

; Starting wii ‘this column
he will be writing an interac-
tive parenting column in the
- North Skore News,
“You can write him with

your nting concerns and
t will show you how you

“may address the issues you

_Taise.

: "Please include in your let-
. ter.an example of a
‘that concerns, tes OF

confuses you. He will sug-
gest to you dialogues, tactics
-and techniques to help you
address your parenting anxi-
“e

think that I give | to my
family, and yet sometimes I
get so angry. that nobody
“ever fe oF ach me back. A
ouple. of nights ago my ten-
” year-old ‘wouldn’t go to bed.
told him about six times
‘and it kept’ getting later and
ter. Finally i blew my
tack!
He eventually went to
d:-but then after thar, I felt
uty.
4 Do you think that I was
wrong to get angry?
Arthur :

Arthur, parents get angry
‘when they cel offended.
How’ was your child offend-

::, _ It could be that you are
‘» using this incident to avoid

“>: \ another incident which

transgressed an agreement.
You could apologize to your
~: child for blasting him.
"._. Tonight you should be
proactive, and announce the
count down.
. If bedtime is 10 p.m.,
you should begin the count
‘down at 9 p.m..
“It’s 9 p.m, I hope your
“homework is finished.
“It’s 9:15, now could you
get your snack.
“It’s 9:30, it’s time to do
your bathroom duties.
. “It’s 9:45, pajamas and a
’_~ short story.
~ “10 p.m. Lights out!”

'. Dear Golan:

My teenage daughter
wants to go out with boys
and has been asking about
birth control.

Frankly, I am very scared
‘and Tj just don’t trust her.

How do tell her that I
don’t trust her?

Corinne

Dear Corinne:
- You say: “Susanne, I

“regret that I don’t trust you.

lemma .

‘where one child is exhibiting

every time

1139-Lonsdale Ave., North
Vancouver. B.C. V7M 2H4.
Or fax them to 985-2104.

tions. Please address all letters
te Golan Malkin, c/o North
Shore News Editorial Dept.,

future.
The letters above are com-
mon scenarios encountered in

family counselling. They are
fieticious but Golan Malkin is

T would like to trust you but
available to answer your ques-

I don’t.”

Trust is based upon vali-
dation. Mistrust is based on
loss and fear of loss.

You should ask yourself,
“How has the trust been
lost, and how could I re-
establish contact with my
child?”

If you have lost contact
with your child then you
should fearn how to get it
back. If you would write and
teli me more about your
relationship then I could
give you a few suggestions
about how you could re-
establish your trust.

I am wondering if this is
the first time that your
daughter has asked you to
talk about sex and the com-

lications that could arise

m being intimate.

You should say, “Let’s do
something together some
day and talk about what we
could do about this mis-
trust.”

Then you should validate
her. Talk about an area of
strength in your relationship.
Now you could ask her,
“Could we do something
enjoyable together?”

Dear Golan:

’ [have two children aged
seven and four. The older
one often takes toys rom the
younger one. I am never
sure how to handle it and I
always wonder if I can do
something different.

The older one just keeps
taking the toys. The younger
one seems hurt but she
seems to hide her feelings.

What should I do?

becca

IF YOU GOT A CAR FREE,
WOULD YOU CARE
ABOUT THE

MAKE OR MODEL?

according to a

product features '*" |

that prevent ~~

auto theft.

ICBC has

also developed ©

a booklet detail-

ing this rating:
system and a “Best Rated” |
sticker you'll now find on |: ,
anti-theft device packaging..

If you would like a copy ~

of this booklet simply pick
one up from any participating ©
retailer, your local ICBC office, _
Autoplian broker or visit ICBC’'s. .
website at www.icbc.com..
And maybe before you park
your car today or tonight, you
might want to check out the
latest in anti-theft devices.

All car thieves
have one ting in
common. They‘’re
lazy. It isn’t always
expensive cars
they steal, just
easy ones. And
that’s because
thieves want a quick entry
and a smooth getaway.

So it would be in your best
interest, whether you Ccrive a
sporty import or a family mini-
van, to get yourself an anti-theft
device. But where to begin?

ICBC, as part of their Lock
Out Auto Crime program, has
developed a rating system for
anti-theft devices. Devices
you'll find at participating
retailers. They are rated

Dear. Rebecca:

You need a few rules
about toys..
@ Each “hild has one favorite
toy for the da ay/week. It does
not get share
Mi All the rest of the toys are
shared.
@ When one child has a toy
the other must ask to play
with it. He must not-grab it.
@ When a child grabs a toy,
the offended child will say;
“This is my toy. Give it
back!”

You have a situation

Lock Out
Auto Crime.

gfead q

aggression. Every one needs
aggression to survive.
Unfortunately, at the
expense of one child’s anger

. the other child experiences

sorrow. If you could teach
them to negotiate now, you
will save yourself Briefi in the

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