THE LILLEHAMMER Olympic
Organizing Committee in Norway,
site of the 1994 Winter Games,
told visiting dignitaries in
November that its employees are
training with ‘‘smile. holders’ in
order to not look too dour during
the Games. A smile holder is a
device that fits on the wearer's
head, with clips that grasp the
corners of the wearer's mouth. It
can be adjusted, by pulling a
‘strap, to.go from slight grin to
gleeful smile.

Researchers at the Centre of At-
mospheric Sciences at the National
Autonomous University of Mexico
reported in May that nearly five
million inhabitants of Mexico City
and suburbs are forced to defecate
outdoors and that more than 60%
of Mexico City residents show
signs of amoebic dysentery.

Last month, officials. at the
Arkansas-Oklahoma State Fair
. were investigating a charge that a

prize-winning lamb was beaten
_ along: the Sack ‘and loins so that

its body: would swell and thus be
’ firmer to-the touch, ‘to improve its
> chances of winning a Junior Live-
: “stock Auction indging, contest.

“Also last siionth, the instructor in

2 & PEW WOR

As a Member of Parliament |
could have used your tax dollars to
send Christmas cards to any or all
: of you, but when | worked out the
“cost of sending even a few hundred

cards | was really reluctant to use
the funds. | decided instead to -

‘include my Christmas greetings in
the column this week. So to each of
‘you: the residents, businesses, spe-

‘cial interest groups, clubs, profes-

_ sional organizations, colleges and

" In fact everyone | represent, } send

‘my .best, wishes for a Happy.

Christmas and a New Year filled
with opportunity. ,

SPENDING our MONEY

‘Choosing not to send out
Christmas cards was one of the
options that our Caucus discussed
in the past few weeks in an effort to
start making savings “at the top”. It
has been tough to get a balance of
sensible cuts in a system that is
accustomed to tremendous waste.
Let me give you an example.

WHERE DID IT ALL GO?

When the MPs defeated in the
election vacated their Ottawa and
constituency offices, ihe new MPs
were supposed to “inherit” the furni-
ture and equipment purchased by
our taxes for those offices. In prac-
tice, that was not exactly what hap-
pened.

As far as | can tell, most MPs
who moved into offices that had
been vacated discovered thu! every
pen, pencil, niece ot paper, staple,
paper clip, glue stick, marker pen,
scotch tape dispenser, ruler, you
name it, had disappeared. In addi-

‘tion, some discovered that items
shown on the inventory lists ranging

NEWS OF THE
WEIRD

. Compiled by A.P. McCredie

a College of New Caledonia
(Prince George, B.C.) sociology
_course assigned male students the
project of plotting and describing
“the perfect rape,’’ to test their
understanding of the strengths and
weaknesses of criminal investiga-
tions. The instructor withdrew the
assignment when students com-
plained.

eee
‘The Aspen (Colorado) city council

and local county commissioners
‘admitted in November that the

Ted White, ‘M.P.
Suite 302

1200 Lynn Valley Rd.
North Vancouver
V7J2A2 .
Telephone: 666-0585

Fax: 666-0509

S FOR XMAS

from laptop computers to television
sets and VCRs were nowhere to be
found. MPs who took delivery of
furniture from‘ the, previous’ MP's
office also found thai ail items of
stationery right down to thumb
tacks, notepads and envelopes had

’ vanished.

The cost to replace these items
must be weil over a million dollars
when spread across all of the new
MPs. Anyone with a concern for the
public purse has to think twice
about sending out Christmas cards
after having to spend a significant. §
and unexpected amount to replace . §
office supplies.

WHY DOES IT HAPPEN?

In Ottawa two weeks ago | tried
to find out who, if anyone, ordered
the dumping of all the offica sup-
plies, and why no one seemed too
concerned about all of the stuff that
-had gone missing. You would think
that a department with a name like
“Materials Management’ would
have some control, but they just
said that sometimes things go miss-
ing because MPs’ children take
them home and people forget.

| brought up the topic with the
Auditor General for Canada but he
can only audit the books of The
House ot Commons by invitation.
So it looks like things will stay the
same unless we can convince the
Board of Internal Economy to
change the rules or until Reform
becomes the government. In the
meantime, I'll make public my office
expenditures once a year so that .
you can see what I'm doing with
your money.

county requirenen! that housing
be available in all income ranges
wis not being met. Housing is
available for the rich and the
poor, but not much exists for
those whose incotites are around
USS$100,000,

A TV. game show in’ the
Netherlands, “‘A Matter of Life
and Death'’', allows the studio au-
dience to vote for which of two
guest’ patients is worthier of
treatment under the country’s ra-
tioned health-care system. Pro-
ducers announce that only doctors
make the real decisions, but pa-
tients hope that a favorable au-
dience reaction will persuade
health authorities. On a recent
show, reported by Reuters news
service, two cancer patients vied to
see who was more deserving of an
expensive drug. .

In July, Eric Vogt, the manager of
a closed facility at the former
Hanford, Washington,’ Nuclear

Reservation, told reporters that |

over. 27 tons of plutonium remains
on the site in a tin-sided building,
including over two tons contained
in sludge and old. cleaning -rags.

“(Although plutonium is, not 2a

serious radiation hazard, it decays
into an element, americium 241,
that is.)

Aaithe this Christinas extra special with a gift of
mabe poart and diamond jewelery from Swedish
Jetveler, Something she will eufoy for years to
conte aad this year they are spectally priced

for Christinas, : :
Pendant, set wth O8et diamond

(chein nat included) .

rey, $425, Sale $295, eens

or pred ee
Karrings, set ye

with two O5et 2
diamonds. :
reg. $995.
Sale $695. *.
All prices

énelude GST