C14-Sunday News, February 24, 1980 ask hayden stewart |Freedom Freelance Counsellor Hayden Stewart may be reached at 261-6242 forappointments for individual, family ar group counselling. His new office in the [nternanuonal Plaza Hotel (Open Tuesdays only) is for the convenience of North Shore residents. Does she want to remain a virgin? QUESTION: A rather dramatic event took place when I was quite young which contributed to my deciding then and there that I would be a virgin until 1 marry. At the ontset I should let you know that I consider my decision to be a commendable one and one I would to stick to. However, there are two developments in my life (J am now 22) which add some very reall difficulties to my staying with my decision. One is that I am a very friendly person, quite popular with both sexes, warm and “touchy” and, on the whole, quite uninhibited, with the one exception I mention above. As you would guess, in this day and age my nature and attitudes get me into great number of situations where I have to say a pretty firm “no” to different male friends. This is still what I want to do, but 'm getting to feel like some sort of freak. * My stance, time and again elicits reactions from my friends of genuine surprise and even bewilderment. | am told I am so warm and outgoing and sexy and that my “no” {s too difficult to understand, let alone believe. The second development is that I have some very very hungry feelings that are not easy for me to handle within my decision to remain a virgin til marriage. I hope | have said that in a way it is understood by you and yet is discreet enough for your column. ; I'm afraid I do not have a specific question, but | would like it if you would be willing to comment on my situation. STEWART: I hope you are grateful for your “hungry feelings”. They are a natural, healthy part of the gift of life. You don't sound like you have guilty feelings about them and I hope such is the case. Many generations of the human family have felt that abstention from_ sexual relations until marriage has brought with it enough benefits and advantages to make its practice laudable. The idea has never been as widely reconsidered and challenged as it has in the last 15 years. As a result, you, and others like you, are in a position in which you are confronted with more experiences that call for decisions about your sexual activities than any other wad generation for a long long ume. I think however that there is an added factor in your situation. It seems to me you are not entirely satisfied with your reasons for your early decision. The ‘dramatic event” that took place, may have had even more to do with sparking you into your decision that you realize. I would hope you would thoughtfully review the birth of your decision and the events that prompted it. Your reasons then, may not be good enough reasons now. If that turns out to be the case. you will be free to enter into sexual activity before marriage, or to give consideration to other reasons, that may be valid for now. It may well be that your early decision was almost entirely an emouonal one, growing out of your “dramatic event”. To keep your integrity, you now need better reasons to help you arrive at a current stance for yourself that will be more satisfac- tory. My contribution has been simply to encourage you to dig into alternatives that are available to you. Yours will be to make choices that will be congenial with your higher self. isa QUESTION: Freedom is a hoax! At least that is the way it seems to be turnifig out for me. For several years now I have felt perfectly free to be sexually promiscuous. I got myself past all the old taboos and “thou shalt nots” and felt like a great load had been taken off my shoulders. It hasbeen a good feeling to go on beyond narrow inhibitions. But I have become aware that I am covering up and even lying to special friends to keep them from knowing about my freedom. My freedom activities have led me into cheating activities. Sex freedom is cancelling out honesty freedom. So, there's no way for me to be free is there? STEWART: Sure there is! You are free to be a cheater. You can choose that route. In fact you HAVE chosen it. You are exercising your freedom. What's your gripe? The gripe, of course, springs out of your awareness that you are not happy with the results of one of the freedoms you have claimed for yourself. If you don't like the results of a freedom you choose, you are then free to make a new choice that sits better with you. You are absolutely free to make your choices, but you are not free to choose the results of your choices. The results open up new awareness and new op- portunity to make new choices. That's called growing in freedom. Searching for travel friends QUESTION: I am afraid my question does not blend in with the run-of-the-mill queries of your splendid column, nevertheless, I am presumptuous enough to ask it. This has to do with a matter | know must be handled by myself, but I am asking for something of a starter from you. I am in my fifties, widowed two years ago, in excellent health, gratefully free of financial worrles, and just approach- ing the edge of boredom. | have quite a number of friends, but through a variety of circumstances none of them is sufficiently unattached and free of res- ponsibility to share with me in an activity 1 want to explore. | am keen to travel. Once in a while I would like to take short trips and | am also planning to take a couple of more cxtensive ones. The problem | have is in finding congenial com. panionships for my ventures. I would dearty love to find two or three women who would be Interested tn ac- companying me (at thelr own expense) on occasional journeys. As I have said, my own friends are not available for such an activity, so, | write to ask you of some descreet and unrisking way of searching out potential travel-mates. Do you under- stand my plight? STEWART: The timing of your letter is uncannily appropnate. Only a couple of weeks ago. I was ap- praised of a newly-born project that I am sure you will want to explore Dhal 929-3642 and = ask for Heather Pose your question to her. Only a few days ago she put an ad tn our paper reading as follows. LADIES' A TRAVEL GROUP IS BEING FORMED TO FACILITATE WOMEN WHO VACATION ON THEIR OWN AND ARE INTERESTED IN MEETING OTHER WOMEN IN THE SAMI POSTTLION FOR FUR THER INFORMATION PHONE HEATHER Al Y29 Von How hoes that sound’ I have met Heather and am confident that her motives are admirable Hersis anon that | describe as a caring service prohit effort would Heather tells me that as a result of about their have the ad had and women meeting 20 first planned for another at the end of the month She said there was a lot of interest and some of the ladies got as far ay cx plore some lentative plans Heather has no tie-in with any travel agent, but simply acts as a sort of facilitator. She feels her group will be a House Special tren h Onion Soup of Crispy Salad Baked Crab Casserole Attalo’s Does Steak & Alaska King Crab Served with Baked Potato Garlk lToas! Also many other dishes to choose from Pepper Steak Steah & Scampi Shishkebob Free Pepsi With All Deliveries Mato % d 999 Marine Or. 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