a Lose the no-win situation DEAR MISS MANNERS — I work for a large company which frequently celebrates special occasions by having “feod days.*’ Everyone is asked to bring in a homemade or store-bought snack to share with fellow employees, and sometimes there is also a request for money for the pur- chase of a gift, Although the snacks and money are voluntary, several employees are disturbed about those co- workers who choose not to con- tribute to food day or to the gift, but who kelp themselves to food once it is laid out, and sign their names on the gift card. f am often the person who ini- tiates these food days; therefore, I find myseif in a predicament. I would iike everyone to participate, but I realize that unfortunately not everyone can afford to do so. GENTLE READER — What do you want to do — offer schol- arships? it seems to Miss Manners that with the best intentions in the world, you have set up a no-win situation. By not ‘‘volunteering,”’ employees make themselves either wallflowers or sponges, in their own offices. ’ The temptation for non-con- iributors to wander over and join an office crowd — or to keep to themselves while the fun is going on, with the resentment that is bound to create — is as under- standable as the resentment of contributors at finding they are inadvertently sponsoring their col- leagues. Please just stop. This is an of- fice, not a social hall. If you want to treat others to lunch, home- made or otherwise, by all means do so. But do not make this a part of the office routine, so that people are forced either to par- ticipate or to miss out on an of- fice-wide event. DEAR MISS MANNERS — My wife and I received word that our unmarried teenaged niece was expecting a child, had broken up with the father, and would carry the chiid to term, alone. The news reached us via another aunt, rather than from the niece. We haven't a clue about Jenn- Judith Martin MiSS MANNERS the niece’s attitude to the pregnancy. Do we treat the news as vicious slander, until word is received di- vectly? An unadorned ‘‘Congratula- tions’? seems a meager response to a major family event, but would allow the recipient to understand it as she saw fit. But perhaps she doesn’t feel tike being congratulated, or she may feel congratulations are in order for not compounding one sin (premarital sex) by a second (con- traception). GENTLE READER — Even in the strait-laced times that people imagine once existed (when it just took longer to undo the laces), it was not considered proper for people to offer congratulations ei- ther on the circumstances of a baby’s conception or for sins that were left uncommitted. Congratulations are properly offered on the birth, or the ex- pected birth, of a baby. But as Miss Manners understands it, you @ TY Convection Cooking REB TE Bf DOUBLE COOKTOP H © Backlit controls with glowing indicawr rings * Downdraft ventilation with variable-speed fan * Acceprs optional f © Grill covers cover grill when nor in use My ° Also available in designer white. if] CO cookinp cartridges and accessories JENN-AIR 27° ELECTRIC WALL OVEN © Electronic clock with timer © Lange capacity self-cleaning oven © Three-rack convwetion baking ® See-through owen window ® Also nvailable in designer whire, | REBATE C2208 wath optional Model AH1S08 ‘Jenn-Air W136 LONY HOME FURNISHINGS 1075 Roosevelt Crescent North Vancouver OPEN DAILY Fri. 9-9, Sun. 12-4 (2 blocks behind the Avaton Hotel) don’t even know if your niece is pregnant. Finding out may be a good place to start. If you don't want to ask her parents, you might call her. Do not ask her outright, as it is never polite to inquire into the contents of anyone’s womb. But as she is your niece, it would be nice simply to show your interest in her welfare, which would give her the chance to tell you if she wishes to do so. DEAR MISS MANNERS — At mealtime in my own home, I have deveioped the habit of rotating my dinner plate in order to secure a better angle at which to pick up or cut whatever [am about to eat. E never thought much about it unti) one night at 2 dinner party, when the lady on my left tittered. 1 tooked at her, and she said, “Well, why not?"" Is rotating your plate merely a harmless personal eccentricity, a faux pas, or a hanging offense? GENTLE READER — We don't allow eccentricities at the dinner table. Other people’s digestive systems may become in- voluntarily involved. Mind you, Miss Manners is not declaring this a hanging offence. Unless, of course, she finds herself mesmerized by your rotating plate to the point of in- volving her own lunch. But it is not a good idea. Nei- | ther is employing table manners at home alone that cause titters when you are dining out. i UNS ITS THE TASTE 120 Philip Avenue North Vancouver (¢) 984-3111 BAGELS BAGELS reg. 308. Limit 1 dozen per customer with this ad Offer expires Tuesday, October 6, 1992 WEREEN Coupon SRE You're wreck without a seat belt.