_ Ad - Friday, september, 28, 1984 - North Shore KNOW THIS VIOLATES several codes of ethics, taste and taboo. But I’m gonna write about the least written-about subject in Cana- dian journalism anyway. Just as a guilt reflex, | expect this article to be reprinted all over the nation. Pot _ bellies. topic! Female readers who have husbands over 35 years old, let’s say, know the problem. The winsome, flat-tummied hubby of yesterday is, almost overnight, the lard-gut of this afternoon, just:as you were feeling romantic, what with the swaying palms and all. There’s no point apologiz- . ing for the mid-life tum-tum. I think there’s some serious existential politics involved in the acquisition of a 40-or-so- year-old male paunch. Younger guys recognize us flab factories as successful older sea lions. They know, intuitively, that we have been there. We have done it all. We pigged out when we could. And now look at us! Look at that gut! I was a neurotic, under- nourished ectomorph most of it. my life. It wasn’t until the end of my third decade that | started really looking like a slob. Until then, women fought for the opportunity to mother me. Now, gee, they think of me our as ‘‘safe.’’ Sure, y6éu can have lunch with Bob. He's liberated. He won’t paw you. What a boring reputation to have! That’s non-jogger.”’ And it’s mostly, I'm ab- solutely sure, because of my lovable lithe tummy. By now, young females reading this article will pro- bably have thrown up, but let me say this: there’s a special hell reserved for the middle- aged male with what you might call, for lack of a bet- ter phrase, a ‘‘beer belly.”’ There’s just no dignity in | mean, who sheds tears for the pot-bellied older male? | now understand two things that | never used to Strictly personal by Bob Hunter The last taboo know: (1) never trust anyone under 40, and (2) always have respect for a guy with a fat gut. lt was one of the most fascinating discoveries of my life to learn that I could GROW a hump on my front lower body. Maybe it was the nearest I'd ever get to having a baby myself. There were jokes around the house. You know. What're you gonna name “I’m secretly proud of my disgusting gut, even though it reveals me as a YOUR baby, Bob? How many months before... But | never let tt get to me. l happen to know, from per- sonal life experience, that getting a gut in middle age is a sure sign of a mature, hap- py, useful male. In Thailand, | learned that some statues of the Buddha show a thin man, and some a fat.man. The difference 1s simpty the era in which the statue was carved. In_ bad times, thin Buddhas. In good tumes, fat ones. It's not bad having a bulge. 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Richmond I pving up to our name in quality and service 736-2966 590-2494 273-4683 At least you don't get harass- ed by aggressive young women. (A big problem, that.) Also, you get to signal your basic harmony with the fat cat masses. Left. Right, Okay. 1 must admit I’m secretly PROUD of my disgusting gut, even though it reveals me as a non- jogger. It took a long time to build up. It was a delightful experience — pigging out, | mean. Just because those days are over doesn’t mean it wasnt’ fun. Reaching the point in life where the buttons on the part of your shirt just above the belt strain to hold together, you learn certain things not given to mere mortals to comprehend. . First of all, don’t laugh at anyone. They might take one glance and laugh right back at you. (Although maybe that’s the gist of tolerance.) Another issue: beware the titanic male appetite for ego fulfillment. Need I say more? Some of us are even capable of turning a fat gut into a objet d'art. Look, look! 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