By PAT RICH

‘I /was just putting the
finishing touches to the
vanishing singing noun story
when the Boss called me in.

You know me, Pat Rich,
ace investigative journalist.

Well, he’s my boss.

Andy Fraser, managing
editor. A cruel man but fair.

“Ace, I want you to do a
story on this,” he said when I
walked in.

He doesn’t waste words.

- “Sure Boss,” I said, taking
a large box from him and
leaving.

I don’t waste words either.

The thing must be big. I
only get the big stories and
since the Boss knew I was
already working on 16 front
page stories this must be
really big.

Only one thing bothered
me.

Why did the Boss snicker
as I left his office?

Back at my desk (an old
‘46 Chestwood, steel frame,
two drawer) I looked at the
box.

Then I looked at the box
again.

‘Fresh ‘n Fancy Cosmetic
kit’ it read. ‘Super makeup
you make up yourself.’

I didn't get it.

I was about to get up and
tell the Boss he must have
given me the wrong box
when I remembered that he
doesn't make mistakes.

Somewhere in the box
there was a story.

Cautiously I opened the
box up and looked inside.

And stepped back in
shock, reaching for a pen
that wasn't there.

Inside the box was just
what had been pictured on
the cover.

Nestled in a pink plastic
showcase was a number of
plastic bottles and other
containers, as well as some
measuring spoons and
stirrers.

Some of the bottles were
labelled.

‘Nail Polish Base,’ Mocha
Magic Cream for Checks,’
‘Lips & Eyeshadow,” ‘Disco
Red Cream for Cheeks &
Lips Only’ were just a few of
the things they said

Puzzling .

Inside was a_ booklet.
Maybe it would give me
some answers.

It was in French.

Luckily an identical book
was included, in English.

‘Easy ways to create a
prettier you’ the cover said.

Maybe it was in code.

Inside were very detailed
and explicit instructions on
exactly what to do with the
contents of the box.

No instructions on how to
make a small nuclear device
in your backyard, or con-
structing mind-expanding
drugs with simple to prepare
foodstuffs available at your
grocer.

My two pet theories were
shot down. ‘

Which goes to show a
journalist should hold
theones before he has the
facts.

SOMEONE WHO
KNOWS what they are
doing, mixes nail polish
with Hasbro's new Fresh
N’ Fancy kit.

“Swimwear and Resort Wear year Round”

HOLLIDAY FUNWEAR

#104-13th Ave at Lane

ang other

dale, N Var, 987-7513

vanthe lower mainiand

A melodrama of the newsroom

In my excitement I forgot
that which every journalist
learns when he is just a cub.

I had missed the obvious.

The booklet gave detailed
instructions on how to make
cheek blush, eyeshadow,
nail polish and perfume, as
well as how to apply them.

It told how the whole kit
was made of harmless
chemicals that could be
removed with soap and
water. And how the nail
polish just peeled off.

Hah!

I looked at the list of
chemicals on the back of the
box.

‘Propylene gylycol, imida-
zolidinyl urea, Titanium dio-
xide, and = stearalkanium

hectorite’ were just some of

the chemicals listed.
Sounded like enough to

bomb Canada back into the

VERLA FORTIER
REGISTERED NURSE

Verla invites you to visit
SKINTIGHT CELLULITE.

She weicomes you to
expenence unparalleled
success of the Cellulite
reducing machines and to
understand the phys
ology of ‘the lumps
bumps and buiges

The Clinic s
is warm privacy ts
appreciated and the
price is affordable

SKINTIGHT

CELLULITE INC.

67 Lonsdale
980-6401

atmosphere

stone age to me.

But I had: this whole gig
figured out now and I knew
they really were harmless.

Looking into the mirror
included in the kit I laughed.

Not a humourous laugh.

I had been had.

For the first time I saw the
press release that came with
the box. ;

It told how the Fresh ‘n
Fancy’ kit was just being
introduced into Canada.
And how it was the only
makeup kit of its kind made
for pre-teens where they
actually made the products.

(

Wi |

i

PUAN ee

Tye

Wednesday, September 10,

Cute.

“Makes a change from
your usual assignments eh,”
the Boss said, standing
behind me, chuckling softly.

Whipping round I kneed
him in the stomach, choppetl
him in the back of the neck

1980 - North Shore Ne

8

and mashed my fist in his
face as he fell down.

“Sorry” 1 said,
surprised me.”

Then I walked out to find
a mass murder to write
about.

Cosmetic kit indeed!

“You

Lend a hand
to clean @vur land!

“oye

g a S4/- <

A) SES) oy)
a A ) “KS

“~ ?
SS oa

we
LeU Par)

THURSDAY SEPT. 11
& FRIDAY SEPT. 12

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OFFER AVAILABLE AT:

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