OR SAE ALOR a, Fe ay a dhe ca ee

+e,

. QUESTION: - ‘Vm

old. Certainly not. over the —
hill, and yet I sure don’t need ..
a boy: friend who has no.

thought of tomorrow whatso-
ever. I really like this fellow,
but I don’t want to string out
a long, long relationship with
him, or any mangif it deesn’t
hen to be going anywhere.
- that’s wrong. ie i

really

like he never THINKS about

it going anywhere. He seems -
periectly content to enjoy me —

from day to day and: week to

week, without any sort of

MUTWVPHPA LER
commitment,

__Afhe has no

, wyitle wens thorn

waste a whee lot of time with
him. If he would only tell me
that he leves me and that he
wants me to marry him, then
I would have something to go
on. I would be able to decide.
The way it is mow, as far as
he’s concerned we could just
go on like this forever. We

bueno

Freelance Counsellor Hayden
Stewart may be reached at
261-6242 for appointmenis. for
individual, - family or group
counselling.

His new office In the Plaza
international Hotel {open
Tuesdays only) Is for the
convenience of North Shore
residents.

24 years, - :

sn’t
sO much that it isn’t
going anywhere it’s more

don’t amt to

| ‘STEWART:
- with-the consequences’

~ some

**do-your-own-thing”’

that I know I must mean a let

have told him so, but .that’s

"just fine with him! 1. don’t
- like it that way at all. Hew do
I go about getting.-a solid —

commitment from him?

TEW ART: - You

to him, but I feel pretty sure —
he has other women. too. i
- gilso have other partners and.

. don't. .

| spend. ‘0 o much t time. together .

There is no good way to hook

. aman. If you get some bright

‘idea about how to -wangle .
-your campaign for -a commit-—

ment and it ‘‘succeeds’’,
you'll never know if you have
just ‘ “succeeded” in landing

the fish, or, if fie, in fact,
-really wants it that way.

You say that if he
committed .himself to you,
then you could decide. How

 ning’’ him will be rewarding —
Perhaps he

does the other way around —

feel:to you? Are you ready to
commit yourself to him and

Principle which

says,

have HIM decide?. Have you >
thought through the Love

_ “Create. your own reality ”

constiously, rather than liv-

ing as if you had no. control

over your. life’’? .

commitment - or might not.

the
will look

to: your real person,
‘commitment thing

after itself. If he isn’t, .
technique or plan of ‘‘win-

enou gh for vou.

has never really i known your
to ctal calf

wweehe

& Wael saw

only knows a woman ‘who is
preoccupied -with
down a commitment. He may
even enjoy. frustrating your
efforts while he is protecting

himself. from. an entangle-

ment which he doesn’t want.

. Forget the schemes! Be
the change you want to see
happen.

QUESTION: [The following 7

extracts are from a letter

© some
replies I have made in recent

referring back to.

weeks - HS]

- Organized society requires |

"7 controlled behaviour with
- what is considered the norm.
- If everyone in a responsible

- position did their own. thing,

society. would break down....
‘today’s -

problems begin.
[with] “Do your own. thing;

to hell with the . conse- -
quences”...

“to- hell-
* atti-
tude certainly contributés to
‘of | ‘‘to-day’s |
blems.’’ It is an attitude that |
is costly. to ‘the fellow who
says it and to the rest of us.
That claim however does not
invalidate the values in the
atti-
tude. The person who has
given himself permission to
do his own thing, then has a
choice concerning what it is

The

he will do, or what he will be.

if he then adds, ‘‘to heli with

of humour —

QU:

sense

ON: Can I develop a
humoar?.

STEWART: Not if you mean
something like memorizing a
lot of jokes and practicing
telling them well. But you.
CAN do. some creative
evolving in your own per-
sonality and temperament
that will help you become the
sort of person who is more
likely to enjoy humour and

share it. ‘‘A Sense of
Humour’? means so many
things. Itis difficult to learn
‘how to be a stand-up
comedian if you don’t have a
flair for it. But the more

basic and rewarding sort of

sense of humour that enables
you to laugh easily and help
others laugh too is something
that you can improve by

getting more comfortable
within yourself, less defen-

pro- .

_is pushing me into, and I will . .
carefully perceive what the

the" consequences’” he is
cutting himself off from a life
of caring and: love and he
becomes uncaring and unlov-
ing. Both he and others will
suffer for it. .

At this point, some obser-
vers say, that attitude of
doing. -your own thing is
irresponsible - and ‘‘that’s
where today’s problems be-
gin’’. Wrong! The ‘‘to-hell-
with-the- -consequences””’ atti-
tude is the fly in the ointment
- NOT the business of doing

- your‘own thing. The do-your-. wh

“own-thing fellow has given
himself permission .to make

his.own choice. He would be .

wise to add,. (instead of ‘

hell with the consequences'") |

“‘T have made:my choice. I
will do this thing that my Self
consequences are.

If my SELF is unhappy
about the consequences, or

-ashamed, or guilty or afraid

I'am free to make a NEW

‘choice and I will do so right -

away. Thank God I am FREE
_-to do my thing and FREE to

sive of yourself and less ©

eager to be hurtful.

. A sense of self-worth and

_love for others are basic
"ingredients for cooking up a

personality that is happy
with a sense of humour.
There’s no great pay-off for
‘trying to be funny’’, but it’s
great to let yourself become

make a new choice when. ‘my
thing brings disease to me. |
wonder how my. questionér
would feel about rejecting his
right’ and responsibility to
become himself and to do his
own thing. He would end up
saying things like, ‘“That’s
what I want.to do or be, but
Aunt Susie would be hurt’’,
or ‘‘That’s what I want to do
or be, but my father used to
say, ‘no gentleman ever does
that’ "’, **That’s what I
believe, but that is not what

. Baptists (or Quakers or Jews

more fun-loving. If you are—

not all up tight about
yourself, you'll tend to be
much more aware of thefun

that’s in you and in other |

people and even in situa-
tions. That's not quite a
‘‘sense of humour’’, but a
sense of chuminess with fun
is congenial soil for a sense
of humour to grow in.

or Lutherans or whatever)
taught me | while I was
growing up”’.

‘Sure - let’s oe rid of the
whole ‘‘to-hell-with-the-con-
quences”, thing, but in

doing it, let’s mot get rid of |

the beautiful, hopeful oppor-
tunities that lie eager for

testing in the freedom of.
becoming one’s total. self

within the universal flow of

7 energy.

We believe in
the younger
— generation.

find |

we're doing
something
about it.

“Today i is the big important.
- ‘day for you - not some far off '[
-day when you might get. af

Live ‘fully today in the way |
' you want to live. Enjoy your

man as long as enjoying him. UE
is ‘enjoyable. Be. your whole.
‘self. vibrantly. If he is drawn

no.

he |

nailing.

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