~ Sunday, February 16, 1992 — North Shore News LIFESTYLES Rudeness ruins an informal get together DEAR MISS MANNERS — On Valentine’s Day evening, my husband and I attended a dinner party given by a rela- tively close friend. Her parties are usually very informal. Dinner is potluck, guests come and go at will, and endless guitar-playing and drumming usually follow the meal. When we arrived at 6 p.m., we were told that the meal was being postponed until 7:25 because one of the guests was going to be late. My husvund and I didn’t mind, but our friend Olaf was very hungry and tried to raid the kitchen, but the hostess asked him to wait. Olaf then quietly dissppeared (sxe went for a walk) for at least two hours. Meanwhile, the hostess was absenting herself periodically from the general festivities to gig- gle in her bedroom with her aew man friend. When dinner time finally arriv- ed, Olaf still wasn’t back, so we started the meal without him, though some of us (but not his wife) were slightly worried about him. When he returned, he was silent and moody, did not even partake of dessert (which he usually loves) and left early. The next day, I hearé comments from two ‘party attendess on the rudeness of the liestess for refus- ing to feed Olaf (although she had put out a few appetizers) and for retreating to her bedroom occa- sionally instead of playing hostess non-stop. Who was the rude one? Or is my special group of friends on the verge of being uncivilized all . aroand? GENTLE. READER — Miss Manners is always charmed to hear of an appropriate new way of celebrating Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, this wasn’t it. Judith Martin MISS MANNERS Although the hostess is suppos- ed to tend to the needs of her guests, yours seems to have gone overboard, perhaps forgetting that she was equally responsible for entertaining all of her guests, and not retreating to satisfy one while deserting the others. Miss Manners wishes she had not started that line of talk, and will stop it right now. However, guests cannot attempt to dictate the schedule of a party, by making demands for dinner, raiding the kitchen, or going off to sulk (and probably to find a fast-food restaurant, which is why Olaf wasn’t hungry for dessert). Since you ask: Miss Manners cannot find one civilized character in this account. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I have an ongoing argument with my fiance over the proper use of the fork and knife at the dinner table. He is Canadian and I am European. We were riised dif- ferently, and spending over 25 years on this continent hasn't changed my eating habits. I realize that most Canadians cut their meat, then put the knife down and transfer the fork from the left hand to the right hand and proceed with fork only. In Europe, we use both fork and knife during the entire meal, with the knife held in the right hand and the fork in the feft. When fish is served, we use fork only, except when a special fish knife is in- cluded. I feel my habit is the proper one, and he feels that his is. Nei- ther of us is ready to make changes. If I cannot change him, at feast I wish he would hang on to both utensils during cinner par- ties with my European friends, because they make fun of his North American habits. I have brought this up many times, but his idea is that in Rome you do as the Romans do. In this case, however, we arc in Canada. GENTILE READER — Is the rule of etiquette that you propose importing into Canada that of ridiculing people for following their own good manners on their own home turf? It certainly strikes Miss Man- ners that this is what you favor, so it doesn’t surprise her that your fiance is demurring. If she were he, site would be worrying about more than table manners after finding that you expect him to HELP’S AT HAND HELP’S AT Hand, by North Shore Community Services (NSCS), is a forum for discussing government policies and programs, benefits, consumer and legal rights, taxation and public - services. Answers are intended only as a general guide and should not be applied to individual cases without further consultation. Question: I read your column last week talking about a divorced woman changing her own and her children’s’ names back to her ‘maiden name. T am a single parent with one child, never married, and have never had contact with the father of my child. I would like to change our surname for personal reasons. How do I go about doing that? Answer: To change the name ‘you will require an application for Change of Name, available from any Vital Statistics Office. Local- ly, there is an office in room 109 at the North Vancouver Provincial Courthouse, 200 East 23rd St. in North Vancouver. The office hours are from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. ‘OFF ™ D LAROUR: on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and the phone number is 660-1268. General eligibility requirements for a change of name application are that a person be at least 19 years old and have resided in B.C. for at least three months prior to the application. If your child is 12 years of age or over, you will need his or her signature and consent for the name change. Consent of the other parent is generally required, but you can request a waiver of consent. : An acceptable reason must be given, including the fact that the other parent is unacknowledged or his whereabouts unknown. You are probably familiar with advertisements that appear in the classified section of newspapers announcing name changes. This is something that you will be re- quired to do. The advertisement is a public notice of your intention to change names and it has to appear two months prior to the date of your application to the Department of Vital Statistics. The notice must appear in one newspaper circulating in your area of residence, and in one issue of the B.C. Gazette, the official pro- vincial government publication that prints legal notices. Changing names can be a costly process. Fees are $80 for one per- son and $17 for each child includ- ed in the application. You will have to provide birth | certificates for each of you. Later on you will be required to replace your current birth certificates. to reflect your name changes at a cost of $17 each. Birth certificate forms are available at the vital statistics office. You can also count on costs for the two advertisernents and the services of a lawyer, notary public, or commissioner for taking oaths and signing your applica- tion. To reduce expenses, you can take your application to any vital statistics office and have your ap- plication signed free of charge. No appointment is necessary. . If you require assistance or more information with your ap- plication, contact the vital Statistics office at 1-800-742- 6283. This column is prepared with financial assistance from the Notary Foundation. For more in- formation call NSCS at 985-7138. 38 YEARS EXPERIENCE’ All Workmanship C Guaranteed” 7 change his perfectly proper behavior in order to accommodate friends whose idea of etiquette is to jeer at national differences — and when they are guests in another country. Your European friends may be interested in hearing that the North American style was the earlier European style that, having been imported by early settlers, remained the same while the European style was streamlined. DEAR MISS MANNERS — I would like to ask both my sister and my best friend to be my maid of honor. Is it OK to have two maids of honor? If so, how would this work? GENTLE READER — Long an advocate of making the wedding cast suit the actuai people avail- able, rather than- assigning the available roles whether or not they fit the circumstances. Miss Man- ners is happy to put her approval on two maids of honor. Provided you don't get silly about it. That is, you will not, she hopes, attempt to duplicate the tiny of- fices they render — for example, allowing each to hold the bridal bouquet during part of the cere- mony. The main thing about be- ing a maid of honor is just stand- ing there, during the ceremony, and knowing that one holds the title. 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