40 - Wednesday, May 25,

1988 — North Shore News

HUSBAND AN. EARLY RISER. ee a at
Women need time to prepare for loving

Q. FROM READING your column, I realize that I don't

have the old wifey duty of being ready for sex any time my

“husband wants it, but still 1] have a problem netting him to
understand without hurting his feelings. ‘

He gets hurt and rude when f
say no. J tell him it is a matter of
timing, and it seems to me his. tim-
ing, sometimes, ls way off. Let me
explain and sce if you agree. ;

Several mornings a week, he
wakes up at six and has sex with
me while 1 am half asleep. At ten”
past’ six,.he leaps out of bed,
» showers, and ets | to his. job by

seven,

<I began to say no a few weeks

ago — just’ to these morning
quickies, not evenings or after-
noons when we have a little time to

- do it right. He was hurt and began
to tell me I was frigid.

“Now I have put my: foot down
/=— n0 more morning sex. He is not -
- taking this reasonably at all. Am I

wrong to take this stand, and what,"
.can Psay.to bim?,

A. You are not wrong: at all = —
and you are right to try to find the...
‘right..way to explain this to him. °.
‘enjoyment. ‘You have this: marvel-.

.. You'have to tell him that, you Jove”

to make love with him but sot be-: .

fore. you can’ be ready for it, not.

when you haven’t-got the sleep out”

of your brain and not when he
‘can’t take time to. ‘make’ it, en-
. Joyable for.you.: =...
It is simply a fact’ that: a woman.
needs more preparation and. more
leisure «to. enjoy lovemaking than
he is allowing i in his. morning rush
to punch in.on time. Sex on wak-
ing up is nice if there is time for. it.
/With older men, it is often the best”
: time’ — but” both partners have ‘to
make’ time for: it; get plenty of.

“sleep and allow. time to make ii en- °°
* “joyable. Many women want. to get:
sup 2 ‘and: freshen ' up; ‘maybe. have. a ™

‘And: quickies: are, “all right: aS a
once-in-a-while ‘thing, especially
:. when the wife wants it and initiates ©
“it because. for some reason..she is”
really’ ready to do just that.-

mood: Of ‘COUTSE, it: isn’t! a matter;
of being, frigid — an“ outmoded’
‘word,’ anyway. He ra good you | real-

‘have

but if this morning sex is 10 be any

‘good, some time has to. be made

for it. He can’t fit it in to his
lightning getaway schedule. You

just can't be an instant. product, .

like freeze-dried coffee. If going to
sleep a little carlicr'and setting the
alarm’ for 5:15 is at all agreeable to

“you, you might. Suggest that, n
Tell him that the time may come '
when love'in the morning may be*

very advisabic, and you don't want

» the whole idea spoiled for you by a.
running battle over the “way he"
wants to do it. .
Q. 1 am.2 virgin aad looking ,
forward to'a full life, including a>

man and sex and companionship
“and kids and all the trimmings I
can ‘get.: I don’t feel’ sad or
: frustrated, so why do I have these
powerful. erotic, dreams: about

‘movie stars and so forth? What do

‘these dreams mesn?. -

nteanure,
dreams,

Also, dreams ase useful for SOX-
ual release.’A woman can have an
orgasm during an crotic dream —
you are likely not. only to’ have
these dreams bunt {6 remember

with the man of your

“them the next day. sy

Often © men” of women: have
orgasmic experiences while asleep

and have.no memory of the dream.
, Q. To my surprise, my. room-

A. Dreams: are: there for. your :

_ ous, ability: to, dream’ deliciously.” a

Enjoy, that ability to. make arous:
ing images and. consider it prepara:

tion for. a” future” SCX life full of

“THURSDAY

Dr. Ruth

mate leaped into the shower with
me this morning. U have no idea of
his sexual. preference, but this
wasn’! to my liking, How do |

- speak to him about this? ,

general sules of
most. people take: their

A. In our
behavior,

Ruth Westheimer

* showers alone. This is the. main.
thing at stake here, | think. Some-

times people go away. to camp or
college or boarding school, with

childhood or home rules instead-of ©

rst

“MAY 26th ONLY!
DOOR CRASHER :

gencral adult rules in their’ ‘heads. :
Maybe. back home this roommate
took showers. with a brother, cous-
in. or visiting friend, _ with “no
thought of sex.

If ‘you see no hint of any .
homosexual inclination. in this
roommate and if he has never ap-

-proached.. you sexually, all. you
have:to say is “Hey, ’m_ used to
taking showers by myself.’” Maybe |
you find this embarrassing — to

“ see if he does it again, if he failed ~
*. to pick up your negative reaction
. tochis doing that. If he. does it
: ‘again you have to let him know.

, SAFER SEX
These are ‘times .for ‘everyone to

be. sexually knowledgeable, if you |

have questions about AIDS or.
sexually transmitted“ di.eases, «1

_ have written. a factual. pamphict,

‘called Dr. Ruth's: Guide to Safer
‘Sex, to answer them. To get a
copy, send $1.and a-self-addressed,
stamped,
Dr. Ruth/Safer. Sex, P.O. Box
19709, Irvine. Calif. 92713-9709.

ehh RE S

legal-sized ‘envelope to *.