Opera’s moment of drama: the couple on our WHEN A girl is 11 and you are beginning to wonder if she will pull a frog ora lipstick from her pocket, take her to the opera. You will learn a lot. ‘When I was 11 years old no- body took me to see the Barber of Seville.” ““Did you go to see Paula Ab- dul?”’ **She wasn’t even alive.” “That’s why you are retarded.”’ **1 like to think of myself as culturally deprived. You are not going to be culturally deprived. Our family believes in the old say- ing ‘Do unto others before they notice.’ ’’ Sensing that she is being talked down to, she retaliates by asking, in all innocence, if there will be a place to put her gum in the Queen Elizabeth Theatre. You check the natural impulse to short, sharp words because you recognize, just in time, that you are being put on. You tell her to stick it behind her ear. From the basement parking lot to the Queen E booths she con- trives to lift her feet out of the shoes with the imitation pearl buckles at every step. CLACK scuff CLACK scuff, scruuuuuuff- fff. You hear a shout from someene who wonders why she ever chose to perpetuate the human race, a mother’s voice, ‘‘LIFT your feet, and WALK PROPERLY.” It is a familiar voice. It should be. It is your mother speaking across the gap of a half century. *‘What happens at the end of the opera? Do we go home?’’ You may try, but you will not determine if that remark is inno- cent or not. Maybe, inside, she is convulsed with laughter. Any man who thinks wives are the most difficult creatures on earth to understand does not have pre-adolescent daughters. In the Queen E foyer she becomes sedate, even a trifle demure, demureness being the quality you always prayed your daughter might have. Even when nn“ A New Four-Part Film Series From World Wide Pictures Featuring Billy Graham and Music “Hope For The Family” Saturday, March 2 FREE ADMISSION “Hope For The Lonely” Saturday, March 9 “Hope For Forgiveness” Saturday, March 16 “Hope For Commitment” Saturday, March 23 7:00 PM & 8:45 PM North Shore Neighbourhood House Gymnasium 225 East 2nd Street 980-5514 988-6923 Paul PAULITICS & PERSPECTIVES she speaks it is in a soft, secret and private voice. *“*LOOK at THAT dress. She is naked all the way up the back!”’ **Do you like that dress?”’ “*Yes!"’ “Really like it?’’ “**Yes, yes, yes!’" “Then tell me, why did we have a crying fit at home because you wanted to wear jeans to the opera?”’ “I’m only #1 and dresses are embarrassing. They’re not what normal people wear.’’ **There is nothing embarrassing about your dress, and it looks a lot better than what Farmer John goes to cornpatch in. Also, please notice that half the people here are women and they all wear dresses.’’ “*I know and some of them are awesomely bad. Look at that funny lady over there. No, turn your head to the lef:. There. Beside the man with the beard.” “Do you want to go to the ladies’ bathroom?” "Yes. But I won’t go now. I'll go when it ends.’’ “*It never ends until the fat lady sings.’’ ‘*What does that mean?”’ ‘Well, it’s a thing that people who go to operas say.’’ “It’s dumb and I’m not going St. Pierre _ right now. I'll leave and go to the bathroom if I have to after we're inside.”’ “*You can’t do that. After we go inside, they lock the doors and they shoot at anybody who tries to get out before intermission.”’ “*You are badly retarded. LOOK at THAT dress!”’ **What dress? I don’t see any dress."’ “*You are SERIOUSLY retard- ed. The black one with the dia- mond hole in the back of it.” So comes the overture and she wants to know where the people are. The Count appears, she wants to know where Figaro is. Figaro arrives and she asks about Rosina. She asks again who is going to marry whom? By this time you have learned to talk very low and listen with care. That’s when she says ‘‘The people beside us are engaged.”’ **How do you know?” “*I know. I heard them. They’re engaged and they’re fighting. He says she’s not as nice to him as she was before they were engag- ed,”’ ‘*Whiy is she not so nice?” ‘*Because of the lady down in front in the dress with the big black stripes.”’ ‘*E didn’t notice her,”’ “*Think faster. Sure you noticed her. She has the big boobs. And the man who is next to us, who is engaged, said ‘Boy, look at those boobs’ when she went by, and the lady he’s engaged to said he was disgusting and immature.” ‘*Why didn’t I! hear any of this?’” **] don't know. You're closer.’’ ‘*What are they saying now?’’ “‘Nothing. And maybe they won't get married after all.”’ It’s hard to raise as much inter- est as you should in Figaro and his friends. Toward the end of the second act, the 11-year-old is nodding off, so you leave, not knowing whether the Count and Rosina got married and, more important, whether the couple in the next seats will. MERCEDES-BENZ EMERGE FROM THE SHADOW OF WINTER WITH A SAFETY & SERVICE INSPECTION Due to the past winter’s extreme weather conditions, your vehicle may require extra attention. We suggest you bring in your Mercedes-Benz for a routine service, a general repair or even a complete restoration during February and March. In most cases we can offer same-day service and to further show our appreciation we will waive the G.S.T. wherever it applies. This offer is available at both our North Vancouver and Vancouver locations through until March 31, 1991. Piease call for an appointment, service direct 984-9701. Friday, March 1, 1991 - North Shore News - 9 ‘ . Your local Revenue Canada Excise Office is here to provide information for business and answer your questions on the GST. Call 775-5131 Or visit your Revenue Canada Excise Office located at 490 - 4800 Kingsway Burnaby 666-4664 201 - 4664 Lougheed Highway Burnaby 175-5300 3rd Floor 1385 West 8th Avenue Vancouver Or call 1 800 561-6990 Canada fen Customs and Excise Douanes el Accise Spas e€nz forth here 1375 MARINE DRIVE, NORTH VANCOUVER 984-9701