40 - Wednesday, December 27, 1989 - North Shore News WIFE TIRED OF ADVANCES LIFESTYLES Husband of 49 years won't quit Q. WE HAVE been married 49 years and we have grown children and grandchildren and I am totally happy except he won't ‘eave me alone. Sex every day, sometimes twice a day. I would still like it, but not every day. Why can’t he leave me alone for a few days? He won’t see a sex therapist — he says I am the one who needs heip. A. From him, it seems. A sex therapist probably could help you, even if you go alone, because the therapist might help you work out ways to deal with him. I don't just mean with the sex encounters, but also with your attempts to reason with him. There is nothing wrong with his wanting so much sex; it is remark- able in a grandfather married half acentury. But he does need to un- derstand that you have a right to your own preferences. A wife as longstanding as you need not be a sex slave. The sex therapist could teil you how to cope with his sexual needs without always having to take part in intercourse, and also how to persuade him that this is better than, in effect, forcing undesired sex on you. This is ultimately going to have the effect on you of never wanting sex with him at all. The therapist can suggest ways to refuse daily approaches without going to war with him over it. Also, your taking the serious step of seeing a therapist may show him that you are really disturbed Dr. Ruth Dr. Ruth Westheimer with his behavior and that may make him more reasonable. If you don’t want to see a ther- apist, go to a bookstore and get Contemporary dance is in demand From page 39 tap and a unique Creative Con- temporary program. Creative Con- temporary encompasses both technical and creative work, em- phasizing a strong ballet basis. Allard, who teaches the class, says it is the school’s most popu- lar. As both teacher and perfor- mer, she stresses the importance of teaching both creative and technical aspects of dance. Her main goal is to allow children to experiment and choose a dance type they enjoy, rather than having a parent choose for them. All three dance principals agree that boys have a very strong place in dance. Sadly, stereotypes and father’s attitudes often discourage young boys from enrolling or stay- ing in dance schools. Once they get past the idea that a dancer is not just some tinkerbell in a tutu, Walker says that many boys like dance. Several professional male athletes take ballet in conjunction with their athletic training. This is because dance works all the body muscles needed in athletics. [Last Chance! Michele Davies Lorraine Bullock Melody Jensen a ealy Posturepedic | {outside entrance) one of the sex manuals and read it. Blushingly, [again suggest my own book, Dr. Ruth’s Guide tor Mar- ried Lovers, published by Warner Books. You might also try The Joy of Sex by Alex Cosrfort, published by Simon and Schuster. Q. On more than one occasion 1 have surprised my lover having solo sex and this bothers me, though I know it is not supposed to mean he doesn’! love me. It's just that we have had a baby and I suspect he avoids sharing sex for fear of impregnating me again, though he does have sex en- counters with me fairly regularly. Once he was enjoying himself with a magazine when I came back from a short shopping errand. It seems like he can’t wait for me to get out of the house so he can be with a fantasy woman. 1 think our shared sex life is suffering from this. A. From the therapist's point of view, at least from mine, his self- pleasuring is less an issue than his avoiding sex with ycu. If that is what he is doing. You see, that could be your perception of the matter. You are upset with him, and you begin to suspect that he is Free emergency : road service with your collision coverage! How? 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