CHESTERFIELD HOUSE
N. Vancouver facility

fixes frayed families

THERE IS a place of
renewal where parents and
young children can go to
when the pressures of family
life begin to overwhelm.

By MICHAEL BE
News Reporter

Chesterficid House, in North
Vancouver, offers remedial group
counselling programs for parents
and children under 12 to help pre-
vent child abuse and neglect.

While the families using the
community resource come from all
walks of life, a common theme of
emotional overload draws them
under the shared roof of the facili-
ty.

Susan came to the program over
a year ago when her son was 3/4
years old and her daughter was 10
months old. ‘I felt I needed help
because I had a probiem with
anger that wasn't surfacing before.
I felt inadequate and out of con-
trol,” she said. ‘

Susan, married with two
children, had opted to stay home
with the children while her hus-
band worked. Raising her first
child alone had been manageable
and her parenting skills had been
adequate to do the job. But with
child number two on the scene,
sibling rivalry surfaced in her son

and the strain set in.

Said Susan: ‘‘My son would be
jealous of his baby sister getting all
of this attention. What is normal
(behavior), | took personally. Id
grab him and shake him = and
thought, ‘God, what am [ doing?’
J felt overwhelmed by the conflic-
ting emotions of anger and
helplessness."'

Initially Susan was ashamed of
her auger and the fact that she had
been venting it on her child. But
she said, ‘‘It’s not a sign of
weakness to ask for help.’

Today she has Icarned to trust
her instincts as a parent and is
ready to leave the program to
make way for others in need.

She recognizes anger as a valid
emotion, but has also learned how
to defuse it. “1 know in the morn-
ing if I'm having a bad time, so |
make the day casier and lower my
expectations,"* Susan said.

Social worker Kathleen Mackay
sees the strategy as a good coping
move for parents, especially when
combined with reaching out from a
situation of isolation and sharing
the emotional load with others
who can empathize.

Chesterfield House director
Maureen Dawson says simple
things like planning days and
creating routines work to give
children a sense of what to expect.

~ Add a Zing

to
Spring

DESIGNER
MAKES

Offer ends April 2/88

HURPY FOR BEST
_ SELECTION

Lynit later Contre}
985-7615

She also advises parents to tune in-
to what the community has to of-
fer in the way of support and ser-
vices such as parent and tot pro-
grams and library storytimes.

Said Dawson: “The reality of
the day-to-day care of the child is
difficult and involves a lot of emo-
tions. Family life is full of angry
situations and we can't deny that.
The myth says family life is idyilic,
something like the Brady Bunch.
Support from the community has
to be immediate and ongoing.”’

Chesterfield House is funded by
the Ministry of Social Services and
Housing, donations and grants.
Families may use the services, pro-
vided by social workers, family
workers and trained volunteers,
free of charge.

The group programs for children
cover assessments, art therapy,
verbal and social skills, peer in-
teraction, assertiveness skills, sex-
ual abuse prevention, identifica-
tion and the labelling of feelings.

The groups for parents offer
Parent-information support
groups, peer support and counscll-
ing, a young mothers’ group, cou-
ple counselling, a fathers’ group,
adult survivors of sexual abuse,
and support for parents of sexually
abused children.

For more information call Ches-
terfield House at 985-1364.

37. Wednesdays, March 23, 1988 North Shon News

on kids
fashion

aketleld

FIVE-YEAR-old Benjamin, his sister, two-year-old Emily, and mother
Susan enjoy some time together at Chesterfield House. Susan is one of
the many local parents who have come to the facility to find help in cop-
ing with the sometimes overwhelming task of raising children.

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