an

A2 - Sunday News, August 23, 1981

a

- strictly personal

by Bob Hunter

% To - .
me : - . -
7 = . a ‘ ~~ .
ry | 4

Everyone thinks that chickens are stupid, but I
think they're probably more highly evolved than

we are.

Sounds weird, I know. But
it’ $ got to be said.

Think of this as a kind of
Wattle Manifesto. (Get it?)

_ There is evidence—Carl
Sagan says so-that the
humble chicken is a direct.
descendent of the _mighty
dinosaur.

Those feathered little
nobodies have a heavy past.
They were the evolutionary
motorcycle gang of their
time. .

Nowadays, they are
famous as the only other
species in the world in whose
breasts we humans seem to
be interested.

It's a far cry. Or is it? I
mean, who can really say
whether it’s better to be a
chicken who was once a

dinosaur or a dinosaur who's
going to be a chicken?

This is a variation; youll
note, on the old question

. about the egg. You see,

“dinosaurs laid eggs, too.
So what came first,
dinosaur,

the
the egg or the

chicken?
At any rate, these are
metaphysical matters

probably beyond the reach
of most of us.

I happen to raise chickens
as a hobby, and over the
years--two years now, to be
specific--’'ve been forced to
Tevise my initial low opinion
of the chicken.

I must admit I was raised
with a drumstick fetish. This
strange state of mind ob-

viously had something to do
with my sex drive, because I
frequently thought of women
(might as well get this off my
chest)’ as chicks. Kinky,
huh? ;

Nowadays, of
everybody has matured
beyond that kind of
elemeiitary sexist nonsense,
af least so far as women are
concerned.

But, you know, when it
comes to chickens, I don’t
think human society has
actually progressed very
much in terms, of political
issues like the rights of yolks,
or roosters being drafted as
meat birds.

course,

My chickens. are always
surprising me. Just when I
think I've got them figured,
they pull a new one.

For instance, it is obvious
to me that they can teleport
themselves in and out of the

chicken coop. How else to
explain the number of times
they magically appeared
outside even though there is
no way they could possibly
escape?

When they look at me,
they only. use one eye.
Meanwhile, their other eye

is free to be looking at other’:

things. That's class.

But why
example after example? You
can see that my Case is
airtight. 4 -

Despite all this, I still eat
chickens. And I still eat
eggs. 1 do it without guilt.
I’m sure the chicken’s an-

cestors ate my: ancestors for
lunch.

Probably, in the next life-
time, Pll be born on a planet
where giant hens feed
human soup to their
youngsters to cure what ails
them. It'll serve me right.

But, listen, Jet’s not end on
a depressing note.

Let me tell you about my
cousin up at Squamish who

‘bought 100 chickens from a

poultry store, took them
home, and a week later they
wefe all dead.

He went back to the store
and demanded another 100
chickens. The second batch
were all dead too.

What do you think he did
wrong?

It turns out he planted
them too close together.

Not much relief for tard y taxpayers

Only NV City willing to be lenient

Taxpayers whose cheques
were delayed in the mail
during the postal strike won't
get any sympathy from West
Vancouver or North Van-
couver District.

Both municipalities intend
to charge tardy taxpayers the
five per cent penalty
required under the
Municipal Act even if the
payments were put in the
mail before the postal strike.

But West Vancouver
Treasurer Len Ormiston says
he may make an exception if
the tax payments = are
postmarked by June 25 or
26. Any payments _post-
macked after that = and
received after the end of the
posta strike will be assessed
the five per cent penalty, he
Sa: 5. ,

\Yest Vancouver has been
given permission by the
provincial government to
make exceptions because of

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the mail strike, he said. The
province will entertain
requests from municipalities
for exemptions from the late
penalty if the payments were
in the mail by June 30, the

day the strike began.
But Ormiston isn't that
sympathetic. “People knew

the postal strike was coming
on,” and could have planned
for it, he told the News.
Payments mailed after June
26 probably would not have
reached the municipality by
the July 3 deadline anyway,
he said.

However, North Van-
couver City, along = with
several other Lower
Mainland municipalities, is

being lenient towards
taxpayers caught by the
inside postal workers’ strike.

As long as tax payments
are postmarked before the
strike began, said City
Treasurer Dave Moulding,
no penalties will be assessed.

“We don’t intend to
penalize people who made
an honest effort and got
caught up io the mail strike,”
Moulding is quoted = as
saying.

Mel Palmer,
Vancouver District's
director of financial = ser-
vices, is taking a firm line on
late tax payments.

The district is required by
law to impose the penalty,

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